Page 6 of Rhaz's Redemption
Fatima had told me she was raised in a religious home, but chose to leave those beliefs behind as a teenager. In her view almost all of the world's religions existed to keep men powerful and women subservient, and I had to agree.
“Maybe,” I smiled.
“Knew it,” she smiled in return.
“What does your journal say about our survival? Do you think we’ll make it through the winter?” she asked, her face taking on a more somber expression.
“I haven’t made any predictions on that. It feels too early to tell. What do you think?”
Fatima stayed silent for a long time before she admitted, “I didn’t think we’d make it this far. When I woke up on that ship tied down to my cryotube, I thought that was it for me. Then we were nearly killed coming to the mountain, and now we can’t go past the clearing or we’ll be in danger of getting mauled by an animal. I keep waiting to feel a sense of peace or control, and it keeps eluding me. Like running after the horizon or chasing a mirage.”
“I think we’ll make it,” I confessed. I wasn’t sure if we would or wouldn’t but I didn’t like seeing my confident friend so unsure about her own survival.
“Youwill, that’s for sure,” she laughed but there was no joy in her eyes.
“What do you mean?”
“You have Rhaz. I’ve seen the way he looks at you. He wants you. More importantly he wants you to survive and will probably do whatever it takes to make sure you do. I’m not so lucky.”
“First of all, I’m not so sure he really likes me.” The conversation I had with him earlier seemed to prove that he tolerates me at best. He couldn’t give me a straight answer when I asked if we could be friends. He just said it wouldn’t be bad. And if he really wanted me so much why didn’t he join me during our luminescence?
“Even if he doesn’t like you, at least you two are connected through luminescence. You’ve got someone who is biologically programmed to ensure your survival. I’d give anything to have that.”
“What do you mean? You want a mate? You’ve never mentioned that before.”
“No, not just a mate,” Fatima shook her head. “A luminescence mate. A person with a deep biological connection to me who is hardwired to want to take care of me, to protect and provide for me. Growing up, it was my responsibility to take care of my younger siblings, to make sure everyone was fed and did their homework, and got to school on time. No one took care of me. I long to let go of control just once and not be disappointed, but I just don’t think that will happen without luminescence.”
My heart broke for my friend. I had no idea she felt this way.
“Do you think it’ll be my turn next? To lumines I mean,” she asked.
“I don’t see why not.” There was no way to tell who would lumines during the next full moon. It might not be anyone at all, but if a new couple were to emerge why not Fatima?
“Who do you want to lumines to?” She’d never mentioned being attracted to any of the single guys.
“I’m…I’m not sure,” she admitted. “Lumod is the only eligible adult and he’s clearly got eyes for Hai.”
“Are you attracted to Lumod?” I was finding it difficult to picture the two of them together.
“No,” she shook her head with a laugh. “And don’t even ask about the other two. I’m not a predator,” she laughed.
Sozu and Jax weren’t considered adults by sirret or human standards. Just like Sarah and Talia, they weren’t eighteen seasons old yet.
“That doesn’t leave you a lot of options,” I stated as gently as I could.
“I know,” Fatima sighed. “I was thinking that maybe I’d cross paths with one of the guys from the other dekes. Maybe we’ll get to go to the offering with the guys and get to meet the other sirrets.”
“Maybe,” I nodded encouragingly. But it didn’t feel likely. No one from our dekes trusted Dameron, and I doubted any of us humans would get Tarak’s approval to attend the offering and put ourselves in needless danger.
“Well, I better get back out there. I promised Gabby I’d help organize a knitting group. Winter is coming and not everyone has enough clothes.”
I grabbed Fatima’s hand before she could walk away. “You don’t have to do this you know.”
“Do what?” she looked confused.
“You can take a step back and let others lead stuff too.”
She’d never get an opportunity to let others take care of her if she never gave anyone a chance. She’d have to risk disappointment if she wanted the reward of seeing other people take charge.
