Page 103 of The Spare
"I love you," Hendrix says, letting go of my nape and stepping sideways so Teresa can envelop me in a hug, and then Isobel.
Everyone's in tears, and I just don't know how we're going to come back from this.
Everything's shifted, changed.
I'm silent the entire way home, and as much as I don't want to close her out, I go into the closet which has been my solace for years, lay on the bench and let myself cry. For myself. For Father.
Mourning the death of a fictitious relationship I'd always craved, but now I know we'll never have.
And for the life that I'd worked so hard to be worthy enough of so I could bring Melody by my side, now crumbling away.
Chapter thirty-one
Hard Truths
"Mari." I half turn, looking towards the corner of the bedroom where Maribel stands with her back to me in a floor-length pale gold nightgown, looking out the window.
Her dark hair spills down her back, molding to her curved waist and flowing over her lithe arms. At almost fifty-nine, time has been very kind to her, and if you didn't know her you wouldn't be able to tell she was a day over forty.
The wind whips against the window pane as if the elements themselves can't help but to mirror the anxiety and anger that radiates off herin waves so strong they reach to where I stand on her side of the bed waiting for her, but it's a futile effort. She's not coming.
Her arms are folded, and she doesn't even bother to acknowledge I've called her, much less I'm even in the room.
"Mari?"I call again.
Finally she turns her head to the side to look at me, and as our eyes meet that stare of hers pierces me down to my soul. "How. Dare. You," she whispers through trembling lips, something akin to hate swims in her eyes, and I balk at the fervor of it. It causes me to feel hot, and my heart to freefall into my stomach.
She's never looked at me like this before.
"I'm sorry, honey," I plead, needing her to reassure me.Needingher understanding, because for so long she's been the only one who's seen the depth of my hurt. The only person who's witnessed how the strain of shouldering King Dynasty alongside my mental and emotional anguish has eroded my sanity and left me broken at the worst, and at my best, depleted.
But I think I've reached the end of my rope with her.
I roam her features greedily, as always. Her usual bright eyes are dulled, her face is washed out and there are bags under her eyes.
When did that happen…
I swallow uncomfortably.
"I don't want your'sorrys,’"she says in a hard voice that shocks me. Her jaw is tight with tension, and her eyes are filled with pain. She turns to face me, keeping her arms folded, and her brown eyes narrow in a look that's becoming more familiar than her understanding. "I've been hearing some version of ‘I'm sorry’ for forty years, Richard!" she snaps, making me wince."When are you going to stop saying sorry?!”
I blow out a heavy breath, turning from her to shove an agitated hand through my hair and grind my teeth.
I know she's right. She always is. My heart thumps painfully as I futilely fight the feelings of anxiety and unrest that have plagued me for years. But now those emotions are compounded with my children demanding answers from me about horrific things, trauma, that I've tried my entire adult life to scrub from my memory. Maribel's been the only one who's kept me sane, normal.
If I lose her, I'm as good as gone.
But I can't lose her. She's the love of my life. Though she's kept me sane I love her. Need her. Cherish her.
"Those are our kids!" she half-yells, tears welling in her eyes and her face flushing a deep pink as her breath catches in her throat.
"What do you want me to do?" I say wearily, rubbing my hand across my jaw.
She walks over to me, her bare feet tapping the hardwood floor and her eyes searching mine, but I'm reluctant to meet her gaze.
"I want you to fix this!"Her eyes remain hard on mine, but her voice quivers. "I want you to fixyourself!To heal yourself, Richard. If you aren't careful, your father, sister, and brother aren't going to be the only family members you've lost. Go to therapy!"
I avert my face, inhaling a deep breath as anger floods my system.
