Page 4 of My Kind of Trouble
The comment should have hurt or acted as a stark reminder of the shitstorm that she found herself in, but instead, she felt nostalgia wrap itself around her body as the familiar interaction with her brother made her feel even more at home. It made her feel that, maybe, no matter how much time passed or what happened, she would always have this place. Have this. A brother who knew her well enough to know when she needed sibling ribbing and banter over sympathy. A family that loved her enough to take her in at moment’s notice and make sure she had everything to make her feel comfortable. She might feel lost in a storm, but that had to be enough for now. She would lean into it the best she could to make the most out of a bad situation.
Ryan winked at her as he bounced himself on top of her unmade bed, not a care in the world for her belongings that went tumbling to the ground with the motion. She sighed heavily and bent to pick them up before standing and faking a scowl in his direction.
He shrugged innocently at her, his eyes mirroring that of a sorry puppy, a very good comparison for Ryan.
Her brother was a hard person to stay mad at. He always had been. And he had always known it, too. The shit-eating grin that he was currently sporting told her that was yet another thing that hadn’t changed.
‘You know, I was going to tell you how much I missed your ugly face, but I don’t think I’ll bother now.’
Ryan waved her off, his dark curls falling into his eyes as he shook his head.
‘I missed you, too, squirt,’ Ryan said, pulling her into a noogie that she had to wrestle herself out of. It felt like old times already.
‘You need a haircut,’ she barbed, attempting again to lighten the mood before she joined him on the bed, folding her legs under herself. They both fell into easy conversation, catching up but also skirting around any difficult conversations, and Noa felt grateful for that.
Ryan told her all about a project he was currently focused on to become the pastoral lead at the school he worked at, and that he was running against a guy who cared so much more about the status than helping the kids.
Her heart swelled at how caring her brother was, and she was suddenly hit again by how much she had missed him.
After a while, Ryan looked around and gestured to the mess around them—unpacked cases on the floor, books piled high out of boxes.
‘You need a hand?’ he asked.
‘No, I’m good,’ she shook him off. Keeping busy was a much-needed distraction. ‘I guess I should start getting used to doing things on my own.’
Ryan frowned and she didn’t know what she had done to put it there until he said, ‘You know that’s not true right?’
Noadidn’t reply, so he continued, ‘You’ll never be on your own, Noa. We have and will always be here to support you. And before you say anything to the contrary…’ he rolled his eyes, as if exasperated by something she hadn’t yet said. ‘That does not make you less of a “badass” or “independent woman” as you and Tes like to call it. It makes you someone who has their own team on their side, and sometimes it takes one. A ‘badass woman’ would know that.’
He had shocked her to silence because, yes, that was exactly something she would have said. And was definitely something she was still thinking, because she wanted to prove to herself that she could do this on her own, like it would mean that she had won the breakup or something. She didn’t want to let her brothers’ words sink in because that meant changing the mindset that currently held her together, but she didn’t want to argue with him either. Instead, she just pulled him into a hug before responding with a, ‘Thank you, Ry, but I think I need to be alone to think right now.’
And, with that, Ryan moved to make his way back downstairs.
As he reached the door, he turned to look at her, his expression thoughtful.
‘So, hey, I know you don’t want to talk about it right now, but I’m here if you ever want to tell me what happened.’
‘I know.’
She gave him a soft, grateful smile.
‘And you know I’d do anything for you right? If we need to hurt someone, I’m your guy. Whatever you need, I’m there. Escape guy? Help hiding a dead body? I think I’ve watched enough CSI to pull it off.’
Noa chuckled at that, but she knew he meant every word. She moved off the bed and hugged him in response. He smelt woodsy and like home.
Tears pricked behind her eyes as the whole interaction started to overwhelm her. She pulled away, allowing him to retreat again.
He was at their parent’s house to welcome her home, but was also staying for their Friday night dinner tradition. One that they had lived by growing up and that her parents and Ryan had kept up after she had left. She promised that she would be down to join them later.
But, first, she had to make this room look less like a bombsite and more like a safe haven.
So, that is what she did. She set to work on the task of decorating her little room until it felt like hers again. Her clothes could stay in her suitcases for now; maybe it would prepare her in a way for the travelling which she planned to do and had mentally placed at number two on her ‘30 before 30’ list on her long drive home. She really ought to write this stuff down before she forgot. Once all her photos, trinkets, and rugs were in place, Noa unpacked her books onto the bookshelves her dad had put up for her the moment he found out she was coming home. In her time away from home, Noa had become a well-established editor, meaning her book collection had reached all new extremes. There was no way her old bedside bookcase would have housed what she often referred to as her ‘emotional support books’, and her dad had known that. He had listened when she spoke about them, and he observed her life and cared about her passions. The song ‘If He Wanted to He Would’ rang in her head as she thought of her dad doing this for her. A song lyric that her best friend, Tes, had regularly reminded her of during those long phone calls, late at night,where Noa had moaned about Lucas’s lack of effort in their relationship. Another glaring reminder that maybe she had chosen to ignore the signs of her impending breakup, as opposed to them not existing.
‘Are you even listening to me?’
‘Sorry what?’ Lucas mumbled with a vacant expression that had Noa’s hackles raising. He turned away from her before she could even answer, going back to flicking the buttons of his PlayStation controller. Clearly the game was way more important than whatever conversation she wanted to have.
She’d been excited to come home and tell him about her new editorial project at work and how it had given her some inspiration to finally start writing something of her own. But Lucas barely managed to feign interest, and her own excitement wavered along with any motivation she’d found to make her childhood dream a reality. So, back in the box it went.
