Page 33 of My Kind of Trouble
The panic was in her head and manifesting into physical symptoms, but she could get them under control if she could just ground herself. She needed to focus on her senses. What she could hear: the gentle song of the waves, the birds in conversation above them, and the whispering of the wind past her ears. What she could smell: salt, suncream, and a warm sea breeze. And what she could see.
Peering down at the water, a stunning shade of topaz, she tried to think of the wonders that would lie below it. Their briefing had promised the possibility of starfish and turtles, colourful reefs, and tropical fish. And she knew that if she quit now, she would probably never get the opportunity again. How hard could it be?
She could do this.
As she tried to run through her senses again, focussing on what she could feel, a warm, calloused hand covered hers. She realised her breathing had rapidly picked up, her chest heaving. Lifting her chin, she saw Alex was nodding, his kind smile reassuring. Steadfast. He squeezed her hand in three steady pumps, and she had to refrain from falling into him and letting him wrap her up. She had a feeling his arms could calm a whole load of anxieties, but she could do this herself. She would.
Feeling bolstered by his presence, though, she took a long soothing breath, becoming steadier now. She realised that, without even knowing it, Alex had helped her with her grounding techniques. Although, maybe, he had known.
A memory surfaced of her sitting on her parent’s sofa, clutching a pillow to her chest as a panic attack threatened to take her over. She felt underprepared for her GCSE English exam and, unable to rationalise, she had slipped into hyperventilating. As her vision started to blur, Alex rounded the corner, having clearly let himself into their house to look for Ryan. He immediately ran to her, asking what he could do. And, after she managed to choke out the grounding techniques she’d been developing with her therapist, he got to work guiding her to stock check everything around her. Using all five senses, he had talked Noa through her panic, tethering her in the present and automatically calming her.
And he’d subtly done the same right now, as she’d shown signs of the same panic all over again, giving her other things to focus on—the feel of his rough hands, the sight of his amber eyes that had flecks of white and gold in them as the sunlight reflected off them.
She realised she’d gotten lost in them when, suddenly, his lips were moving, and she wasn’t sure of the words that had come out.
‘Sorry, what?’ she said, shaking off whatever form of hypnosis she’d just been under.
‘Are you ready?’ he repeated.
She nodded, and she realised she really was.
Even though so much had changed—they weren’t sixteen anymore and he wasn’t talking her out of a pre-exam melt down—it seemed that some things stayed the same.
So, without another word and still hand in hand, together they pushed off the boat and went tumbling into the waves below.
Noa and Alex sat in the hostel bar, surrounded by people they had met on their travels. There was Lola, Thea, and Hattie, as well as two newbies, Marcus and Tom, who had been part of their diving group and, to Noa’s surprise, were also staying at their hostel. She sat there wildly scrolling through her hoard of new photos and videos from their day, unable to wipe the wide smile from her face.
Having never dived before, she’d been apprehensive at first. but, after her initial panic on the boat, the instructors had guided her through it, and Alex had been there every step of the way. She’d been in awe of the sights that surrounded her.Pride filled her as she recognised she had embraced her fear and fought through it, only to have this as the end result.
The water had been so clear, and they’d been able to swim through schools of what looked like hundreds of varieties of fish, all an abundance of different colours. It was like swimming through a rainbow.
Reds, greens, purples, pinks. They were iridescent, scales shimmering as they undulated through the water in an almost rhythmic motion. Watching them veer left and then propel right as the water rippled and pulsed around them was hypnotic. She could have remained there, taking them in for days and never gotten bored.
The turtles were just as extraordinary. They glided through the water like they were at one with it. Majestic. There was something about them that felt so wise. Looking into their eyes, Noa felt like they held all the secrets of the sea. She never could have imagined being able to get so close. The whole thing truly was a dream come true.
She looked at the faces around her. All equally enthralled and enraptured by her story, watching every video and asking questions about every photo she showed them. She couldn’t believe she had only known them five days. Time had gone by so fast, and yet she felt like she had known them so much longer. Like they were all old friends. It really was a time warp when travelling, and she loved it. Her gaze passed across the circle until it hit Alex. He was already looking at her with an expression she couldn’t place.
Contemplative, maybe?
Admiration?
Giving him a shy smile, Noa looked back at her phone and tried not to think too much about the butterflies currently taking flight in her stomach. They fluttered their wings rapidlyagainst her insides, making it hard for her not to squirm in response.
‘I hate to disappoint guys, but I think I am in need of a post-adrenaline nap,’ Noa interjected into the conversation as she started to gather her things.
It was probably time to put some space between her and Alex before she misinterpreted the butterflies as anything other than gratitude for the man who had supported her to face her fears.
‘Girl, you are speaking my love language. No need to justify a nap to me. I think it should be a mandatory daily activity,’ Lola responded.
Noa laughed at that, because this girl was so easy to be around, and she hoped this was just the start of a blooming friendship. Lola was so fun and free, and different to Noa in many ways. She had an ability to lift any mood and pull Noa from her own head. She, again, reminded her of her best friend Tes that way.
As Noa pushed away from the table, she felt the weight of a hand on her shoulder, and she turned, shocked to see it wasn’t Alex this time.
Marcus pulled his arm back, having gotten her attention, and tucked his fists in his swim shorts as he rocked back and forth onto the balls of his feet. His crooked smile wasn’t quite exploding fireworks in the pit of her stomach or toes curling in her sandals, but it was handsome. He was handsome. His sandy blond hair, long on the top of his head, was mussed from a day spent in salty waters. The bridge of his nose was rosy from too much sun.
He was tall and lean and, as her eyes trailed his body, she couldn’t see a tattoo in sight. She didn’t know why thatparticular bit of information caught her attention, but she noticed it anyway.
As her eyes snapped back up to his dark blue ones, she realised he had been assessing her the same way she had him and, from the glazed look in his eye, she could tell he was pleased with what he saw.
