Page 27 of Hunt Me
The feeling soothes me, and I feel my breathing begin to settle.
‘It’s been a hard winter. It felt lonelier this year for some reason. Do you ever feel like that? That so many people surround you, people that you love, but you’ve never felt so alone?’
Sneaking a peak, I see the admission on his face. He understands what I mean, he’s at least felt it at some point if not recently.
‘It’s a mind fuck.’
Ruaridh snorts in agreement.
‘Like one minute, you are literally all alone talking to yourself and everything, and then the next you are in a camp surrounded by people, so many people that make you want to be alone. Yeah, a lot of that was to do with the creeps in the camp, but …’
‘But?’ Ruaridh prompts.
‘Nothing, it doesn’t matter.’
‘You can tell me. I promise it’s safe with me.’
I’m not sure what it is but I want to tell him. Maybe it’s the knowledge that he is ruthless himself and that his words feel authentic because how can someone judge another person for something they have done themselves.
‘I love my group with all my heart, and I would never wish them away, but every now and then, on a particularly bad day, I’ll wonder if it all would be easier if I was on my own, not havingthe crushing pressure of making sure everyone is okay. Worry so strong that I feel like there is always a boot on my neck cutting off my air, and one day that boot will stop me from getting to them, stop me from saving them and it's… it’s killing me.’ I tap my chest, ‘it feels like I’m slowly dying.’
Strong arms embrace me, cuddling me close to Ruaridh’s t-shirt clad chest and I ignore all other smells but the familiar woodsy scent I smelt earlier inside his mask. The one that reminds me so much of home.
A sob bubbles from inside of my chest, my cheeks wet with tears I did not know I was crying.
‘Shh, baby. It’s going to be okay, I promise.’ Ruaridh whispers into my ear, his breath warm against my cold tear-stained cheeks as he rocks my body back and forth.
Tired from today's events and my outburst of emotion, I give in to Ruaridh’s attempts to soothe me. I allow myself just this once to relax into the rocking motion he creates between his body and mine. I focus my entire attention on the patterns his finger draws across my shoulders, the feeling it leaves behind, and which areas I enjoy the most.
My tears eventually begin to dry up, and I allow my tired eyelids to close, exhaustion and alcohol pulling me into the darkness.
‘You can have my strength, Fauna. You can take it all, baby. I can hold us both up and any others you need me to. Just hold on enough to let me show you.’
Chapter Fourteen
??
Ruaridh
My eyes are closed, but they are still being blinded by sunlight. Fuck why do they feel like they have had dirt rubbed into them?
I go to lick my lips, but there is a noticeable absence when I do it — any saliva that was once in my mouth has dried up, making me feel like I’ve been eating dust in my sleep.
What the fuck happened last night?
Just as I shift, still not strong enough to open my eyes, one of the worst smells I’ve ever smelt hits me. Instantly I retch, stomach contracting but nothing comes out.
A pained moan sounds to my left, and I freeze, realising exactly where I am and who I’m with.
My mischievous little deer. No, not just that, she has a name.
Fauna.
Memories assault me from last night as I recall the sick satisfaction I felt finding out her actual name.
It was then that I knew she was one thousand percent fucking mine. The overpowering possessiveness I felt would have terrified her and sent her running for the streets if she’d even felt a hint of what I was planning.
My little deer’s name is Fauna, how fucking perfect. A shit-eating grin breaks over my face, and I don’t try to stop it. I didn’t think it was possible to feel so smug, especially with a raging hangover like the one I have right now.
