Page 34 of Full Tilt
“Why don’t you buy one of those fancy beds? Where you can raise the head?”
“Not in the budget,” Jonah said, and a sour look contorted his face. He bent forward, hands on the counter, his head hanging between his arms.
My heart jump-started. “Jonah?” Every muscle in my body tensed. “Are you okay?”
“Fine,” he said to the floor, sucking in draughts of air. “Just nauseated.”
“Do you want some water?” I was already off the stool and rummaging his cabinet for a glass. I filled it halfway from the faucet and pressed it into his hand.
He unbent himself and drank a little. “Thanks,” he said. “It’s passed.”
I could smell his aftershave—clean and masculine. The memory of his skin under my mouth made my knees tremble. I slipped back to my stool, cheeks burning.
Jonah took a last, deep breath and set the water aside. “Thanks again.”
“Does that happen a lot?” I asked. “When you take those pills?”
He nodded. “They’re immunosuppressants. They prevent my body from rejecting the heart, but their side-effects aren’t fun.”
I tried to think up something better to say, something comforting, or something funny to make him laugh, but all I could think of was that I was sorry he had to suffer this at all.
From outside, the car horn blared again.
“My brother, the epitome of patience,” Jonah said. “See you in few.”
He was at the door, turning the knob. In another few seconds he’d be gone, and I still had unfinished business. I mustered my courage. “Jonah?”
He stopped, turned. “Yeah?”
“…I’m sorry about last night.”
He stiffened. “It’s fine. No big deal.”
I wet my lips that had gone dry, and slipped off the stool, moving to stand behind the couch, a barricade.
“No, it is a big deal. To me. I’m really sorry that I tried to… It’s not a sex thing.” I plucked at a piece of non-existent lint on the upholstery. “Okay, it’s a little bit of a sex thing. Who doesn’t like sex, right?” I laughed weakly, then coughed. “But mostly it’s just the comfort. The afterward. Being held by a man while I sleep. I’m sure that sounds pathetic but it’s what I like, and I’m sorry I tried to do that to you. You’re more than that.”
Jonah shook his head, his expression pained. “I can’t be more than that, Kacey.”
“No, I meant, you’re a friend. Or maybe we could be friends. If you want. And that’s all I want. Honest, I can’t be with anyone right now even if I wanted to. In case you haven’t noticed, I’m a mess.”
“You’re no more a mess than anyone else,” he said in a low voice.
My chest tightened, pushing tears to my eyes. “Thank you for saying that, even though it doesn’t feel true.”
He smiled, and while it wasn’t the mega-watt smile that lit up his whole face and thrilled me, it was warm and kind. And comforting.
“I really gotta go,” he said. “I’m late.”
“Thanks,” I said as he opened the front door. “For the coffee and letting me stay here. Thanks for all of it. I mean it.”
“You’re welcome,” he said. “I mean ittoo.”
CHAPTER
TEN
Theo’s black Chevy Silverado was idling on the curb. “About damn time,” my brother said, scowling as I got in. “That chick is already throwing you off.”
