Page 52 of Full Tilt
“Not bad.”
We moved our food and drinks to the couch. I sat at one end figuring Kacey would sit at the other. Instead, she set the popcorn bowl in her lap and curled up right next to me, tucking her legs under her. She was flush against me, shoulder to shoulder, her left breast soft against my arm.
“Is this okay?” she asked, taking up the TV remote. “It’s a horror movie, for one thing. And I’m kind of touchy-feely.”
“I noticed.” I could feel every place where we touched. “Why?”
“Ready for some pop psychology? My dad was a big believer in withholding physical affection. He hardly ever touched or hugged me. And he was always badgering my mom not to go overboard and coddle me. It would only make me weak and soft.”
“Are you serious?” My imagination conjured a sweet little girl, running up to her dad with a scraped knee or with an A on a spelling test and being coldly rebuffed. “Your dadneverhugged you?”
She shook her head. “But his little plan backfired. Instead of making me tough, I went the other way. I want to touch everyone. To make contact, you know?”
“Is that why you hug people when you meet them? Like Tania, today?”
“I don’t hugeveryone. Only good people. I have a sixth senseabout it.”
“You didn’t hug Theo yesterday,” I said. “He’s a good guy.”
“Can you blame me? He looked like he wanted to bite my head off.” The glow of the TV turned Kacey’s eyes electric blue. “But he’s a good guy. Iwantedto hug him, but I don’t think he would’ve liked that. I don’t think he likesme.”
“He doesn’t trust easily,” I said. “I’m sure he likes you fine.”
Kacey turned to look at me, and because she was practically sitting in my lap, her face was inches from mine. Her face was open, her features even more striking this close, free of the elaborate makeup she usually wore.
“Why would he need to trust me?” she asked.
Shit. Good question. “He doesn’t trust anyone new around me,” I said, infusing my words with as much nonchalance as possible. “Since my surgery, he’s become ridiculously overprotective.”
“Why? I mean, aside from the obvious reasons.”
“My regimen is pretty severe and he worries I’ll become distracted.”
“He’s worried I’ll corrupt you? Take you out for steak and booze?”
I glanced at this girl who wasn’t used to being trusted and heard myself say, “He doesn’t trust women around me. Because of Audrey. My last girlfriend.”
Now Kacey sat up and turned her full attention toward me. “Audrey. Is she the girl…?” She pointed at a framed shot of Audrey and me at Carnegie that hung on the wall next to the AC unit.
“That’s her,” I said. “We were together for three years. We traveled a lot and planned to keep traveling after graduation. To see the great cities of the world and be inspired by their art.”
“She worked in glass too?”
“No, a painter. We had a life planned out, and then it fell apart and she didn’t know how to cope with the chaos. She was with me in South America when I got sick and flew home with mewhile I waited for a donor heart. But being around illness or hanging around hospitals wasn’t her thing.”
Kacey leaned back, a shadow crossing her face. “What happened?”
“She stuck it out until I got the call that a heart had come available.”
Kacey’s eyes widened, “Sheleft?While you were about to have a heart transplant?”
“More or less,” I said. “But the upshot is, she told Theo she was leaving, and it turned him into a paranoid guard dog…”
“What about you?” Kacey cut in.
I tensed. “What about me?”
“She left. Is that why you stick so religiously to your schedule? To protect yourself?”
