Page 163 of He Is My Bride
Li Ying nodded, satisfied. “Everything sounds good. I’m happy with the plan.”
“Excellent! We will rehearse your parts with you and the groom separately the day before though, so that everything will be perfect on your big day.”
—
The day before the wedding, before the dress rehearsals, Hanjun and Li Ying were still living their daily life, with Li Ying making lunch while Hanjun browsed apartments on his laptop, but the air of excitement was almost unbearable.
“I’m so fucking nervous,” Li Ying said as he stirred the soup. Borscht, Grandma Wu-style.
“Everything will be alright,” Hanjun said tonelessly.
“I can tell you’re shitting your pants.”
Under his cool façade Hanjun was indeed just as, if not more, nervous than Li Ying was.
“I didn’t say I’m not nervous. I said everything will be fine.”
“Don’t sass, or I’ll put chili oil in your borscht.” Li Ying teased.
“Yes, wife.”
Li Ying chuckled. “I’m so happy, but I can’t stop worrying about everything, you know?”
“About the wedding?” Hanjun asked with dread.
“And what comes after.”
Hanjun swallowed. “Everything will be…”I have to do more than keep saying that empty phrase!
“Hm?”
“What do you worry about ‘after?’”
Li Ying absent-mindedly kept stirring the pot. “Well, there’s much to do while finding a house, moving in… I’m thinking about the little Hanjuns in the fertility clinic freezer, and finding a proper surrogate for them. And my residency. It will be a challenge to keep passing as a woman every day for twelve-hour shifts in a hectic environment where there’s barely enough time to take a piss as it is. I’m thinking it might be safer to actually just become a housewife.”
Hanjun’s heart sank, and his fears raised their head. “You said you are sure about this.”
“I know what I said!”
Silence. Only borscht bubbled quietly on the stove.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to sound so angry, I’m just on the edge,” Li Ying said. Never mind Hanjun’s accusatory tone.Are you mad at me?
Hanjun felt terrible. “Mm.”Are we already falling apart because of me? Because of my selfishness?“I don’t want you to have to give up your dreams of becoming a doctor.”
Li Ying chuckled, but there was no joy in his voice. “It is what it is, dear. I’m compromising our secret or compromising my work, and I couldn’t do that with a good conscience when lives are at stake. I’m thinking that becoming a family doctor might be the best solution after all. I could also start practicing right away, no need to pursue further education.”Okay, now I’m just beingpassive-aggressive.Li Ying realized.I can’t be this bitter already, a day before our wedding! I don’t want to marry with such a heavy heart!“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be so pissy about it.”
Li Ying put the ladle down and turned around, looking at Hanjun, who sat behind his laptop and was looking at him, worried. “You’re right: I told you that I’m sure about this. I knew it would take sacrifices, and I still made a promise to you. Because I want to. I want to marry you. I have no right to be angry at you over something I willingly chose, so I’m sorry.”
Hanjun couldn’t look Li Ying in the eyes. The shame was crushing him.
I’m imprisoning you.
“I’m just going through, uh, the process. Mourning the things that I have to let go of, still actively making those compromises I said I was ready to make. Just please, give me some time, okay?”
“My wife should not be mourning his life on his wedding day.” Hanjun’s voice was strained, barely more than a whisper.
“Oh, Hanjun.” Li Ying walked to his husband, wrapped his arms around him and pressed his head against his chest. “I’m gaining so much in return, aren’t I? I get to spend the rest of my life with you, and we’re having a child. Our child! I will be so happy, I just need time to process everything, okay?” Li Ying kissed Hanjun’s forehead.
