Page 138 of He Is My Bride
But I still love Wu Hanjun!Li Ying continued his prayer,I love him so very much, and I promise to cherish him! So please…Li Ying stood up and went to place his stick of incense on the holder next to Hanjun’s.Grant us your blessing!
Li Ying hugged Hanjun, who patted his arm, his eyes gentle upon him.
Great-grandfather, my forebears…Hanjun still thought in prayer while standing before them.This is Li Ying, and I’m going to marry him. I pray that you would bless our union so that we may be happy in this life. We will later prostrate before heaven and earth, for now, look after us as we wait for the auspicious day.
“There’s one more,” Hanjun said.
“Huh? One more grave?”
“Mm.”
Hanjun and Hanrong led the way to the side, where there was another grave.
The grave of certain Madam Wu.
“Whose grave is this?” Li Ying asked.
Hanrong looked between him and Hanjun. “Hanjun has not told you, then?”
A terrible suspicion crept upon Li Ying, and his heart grew heavy. Hanjun had never spoken of his…
“This is his mother’s grave,” Hanrong said.
Li Ying looked at Hanjun standing before the grave, looking upon it in silence.
“I’m so sorry, Hanjun.” Li Ying took him into a hug.
What else was there to say? Li Ying understood some of that very pain of not having a mother growing up, but Hanjun would know that already. What words were there that would be able to express such pain, let alone make it easier to bear?
All Li Ying did was hug Hanjun, comforting him with a quiet gesture that simply said: I’m here for you.
Hanjun hadn’t been sure whether he was ready for this when he’d told Li Ying he could come with him to the graves. But Li Ying had lodged himself into every crevice of his being already, so when, if not now, would Hanjun be ready to show him where he still hurt the most?
“It was a long time ago,” Hanjun said, “when I was six. But I remember her.”
“What happened?” Li Ying asked gently.
“She… was depressed. For a long time. She took her own life.” Hanjun could say no more.
Hanjun hadn’t expected the tears. He hadn’t cried on this grave since he was a child, having tried so hard to be strong.
He’d always had to beWu Hanjun, more Wu than his own father could be. Hanjun had always had more than himself to prove. Where had his own pain been able to fit under such expectations? Hanjun hadn’t found a place for it outside of himself, so he had made it small and hid it in his heart. Until Li Ying.
Finally someone had seen Hanjun beyond him being the Wu heir.
Hanjun had been taught to keep his emotions in check, so by instinct he sought to squander his cries. Only this time, Li Ying was there to break down his walls, now taking down the last of them with just three syllables:
“It’s alright, Hanjun.”
‘It’s alright.’
Hanjun lowered his head and let the tears out with a quiet cry. Only Cousin Hanrong, his grandmother and Li Ying had ever told him those words.
Hanrong gave them space.
Once Hanjun’s cries had quieted and the tension of his shoulders eased, Hanrong spoke:
“Mrs. Wu was a middle-class woman like you, Miss Li.”
