Page 58 of Hell's Prisoner
His words felt like a slap. Either they were true or he believed they were.
“Better for whom?” I asked softly.
“You, me, him.” Roth jerked his chin in Joriel’s direction. “I don’t know how many others.”
I wanted to deny it, but I could feel the truth in his words, and deep down I knew he was right. If he hadn’t done what he did, I never would have met Joriel. I wouldn’t be the person I was becoming, and I liked being her. Joriel might still be chained to a wall in the prison realm. And Roth would have been in trouble with whoever had ordered him to take me.
I let out a breath. I didn’t hate Roth for tricking me into coming here. It would be easy to judge and hate him for what he did to me, but that would only drag me down. I didn’t need that kind of hate in my heart. Refusing to forgive him wouldn’t make the betrayal go away. It wouldn’t change the past; it would only keep hurting me.
I’d never had cause to forgive anyone before. Not really.
“Laila,” Roth whispered, pain lacing every syllable. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
Roth’s betrayal had been weighing on me, like carrying around a bag of rocks on my back. And I wanted so badly to let them go.
I swallowed hard. “I forgive you.”
A low growl came from Joriel’s chest. Apparently he didn’t approve. Clearly he’d figured out who Roth was by our conversation and the simple fact that Roth had a mansion in the Devil’s court.
I reached out and laid a hand on Joriel’s chest. It was tempting to use my powers, but it felt like crossing a line to do that in front of Roth. It was one thing when we were alone and I was only calming the demons inside him, it was something else to manipulate his feelings toward another being. Back in God’s palace, I hadn’t had to worry about the morality of using my powers. They hadn’t been weapons to me back then. It had been obvious how I was supposed to use the gifts I’d been given.
Joriel’s heart pounded under my fingers, and I could feel how close he was to snapping. Anger and tension radiated off him, and he didn’t so much as blink as he stared at Roth.
“Jor,” I said.
He didn’t look at me or react at all.
“Roth, can you give us a minute?”
I noted the way Joriel’s hand clenched into fists when I said Roth’s name.
“Of course,” Roth murmured. “I’ll be in the kitchen if you need me.”
Joriel didn’t seem to like that comment either. His blue eyes flashed with so much hatred it was almost scary.
I waited until I heard the study door shut before sliding my hand up to cup Joriel’s cheek.
“Don’t,” he gritted out.
“Don’t what?” I asked.
“Use your powers. Make me feel better.”
“I won’t,” I assured him. “Joriel, look at me. Please,” I added when he didn’t turn his attention away from the door.
His eyes met mine, and I watched them slowly soften.
“He doesn’t deserve your forgiveness,” he rasped after several long seconds of silence.
“Forgiveness isn’t something you deserve,” I said, stroking my thumb along his cheekbone. “It’s something that’s freely given. It’s not about Roth, it’s about me letting go of the pain.”
Joriel’s eyes fell shut. “I hate hearing his nickname on your lips.”
“I need this, Joriel. I need to let go of the hurt.”
“That doesn’t mean I can’t seek revenge for you.”
“You are not attacking our host,” I said sternly.
