Page 1 of The Banning of Bath Bombs
Chapter 1
Declan
All Declan wanted was to read his newly acquired fifteenth-century grimoire in peace. Preferably while soaking in a fizzy, bubbly, fragrant bath. Alas, his boisterous family was doing their best to keep him from his hot, soapy slice of heaven.
Not to mention he had just walked into a book. Not a bookshelf. Oh, no. Kassandra—his beloved child, his sentient library—had decided to play a prank, interrupting his walk by hovering a book that hit him smack in the face and bruised his poor, pretty nose!
Why, yes, hewaswalking while reading, but that was no excuse! He shouldn’t need to worry about being accosted in his own home by his sentient library!
Even now, he could hear her bookshelves rumbling as Kassandra giggled, the cruel lass. It was fortunate she lovedhim, or he might have perished centuries ago from her so-called revenge pranks.
Right as he entered his room, he received a text from Gunnar, one of his apprentices. He placed his grimoire on the dresser as he checked the message.
Gun:I froze your credit card before Kass brains you with a ten-pound book-shaped brick.
Declan:WHAT?! Why would you do this to your favorite Master?
Gun:lol because Kass would put you in a coma. And Kit and the guys would die laughing.
Declan:Why is everyone so cruel to me?
Ezra:Love is pain.
Ugh. How many times must he apply for a new credit card? At least Gunnar hadn’t tanked his credit score and credit history like Kit had when he’d been truly fucked off about his book buying habits.
Gun:You know, if you find a bigger warehouse…
Kit:DO NOT GIVE HIM IDEAS!
Gun:Sorry, boo. The space either needs to get bigger, or we need to induce a coma so he can’t keep slipping around our barriers and finding booksellers who deliver. It’s your fault, Kit, for teaching him how to use a computer.
Kit:It was, wasn’t it? My bad.
Declan:You are both terrible people and should be ashamed of yourselves. What’s that newish expression? ‘You did a bad, and you should feel bad.’ Yes, that’s it.
Kit:Delaine has been teaching you current lingo, I see.
Gun:She’s great at being a bad influence.
Declan:Why is no one giving this as much gravitas as it warrants? I can’t just not buy books!
Kit:You really can.
Gun:Absolutely.
Ivy:They’re not wrong. You *can* just not buy books.
Finn:If another book avalanche nearly kills me because you’re trying to stuff a new one where Kassandra doesn’t want it, I may punch you into that coma. No meds needed.
Declan:Why must you all wound me so?
Delaine:Because we love you and would like Kassandra not to ask us to bury you under the library so she can sit on you for eternity.
Declan:She would never!
Kit is typing…
Delaine is typing…
