Page 93 of Changeling
Walter sighed, and his warm brown eyes, glowing unnaturally in the dark hallway, met Nathan’s gaze. “I know there is purpose to it, purpose that will be revealed to me as is necessary. It isn’t the place of a Spirit Guide to intervene directly, you know that. But Nathan…you are different.Youare special. And something is happening to me, to prepare me, for what you will need of me someday.”
Nathan blinked at Walter dumbly. “But I…I’m no hero, Walt. I’m no one special.”
“Nathan, you are surrounded by special, unique individuals, and so you assume, because of all they can do, you are lesser, but you’re wrong. What you can do will be something so much more than the use of power or supernatural abilities.”
Questions surged within Nathan, more than what had been answered. He flinched when Walter raised a hand toward his arm and, for a moment, Nathan felt it—he could feel the warmth of Walter’s hand through his shirt, resting on his shoulder. He could feel the weight. He couldfeelWalter standing beside him, when before his Spirit Guide had only ever been a ghost. Walter looked at Nathan and smiled as if the simple act of being able to touch his shoulder was more than he would ever ask for.
Then he vanished.
“Excuse me, sir? Are you all right?”
Nathan spun around. A nurse had snuck up on him from down the hallway. “Uhh…I was just…praying.” He shrugged, smiling helplessly, which at least matched how he felt. “Couldn’t find the chapel.”
The nurse smiled. She was older, maybe even over retirement age, but had a strong resolve about her that said she’d work until the day she dropped. She nodded. “Of course, dear. The chapel’s on the other side of the building, so you’re welcome to continue as you are. Might want to whisper more though. People’ll think you’re talking to yourself.” She nodded to him with a wider smile before turning back down the hallway.
Sometimes Nathan still wondered if he was talking to himself when Walter appeared, but having felt him, having actually felt his touch…
Nathan had so many questions, but he knew he wouldn’t get any solid answers, so he simply whispered, “Thanks, Walt. Keep up the good work. I just hope I’m worth it.”
Chapter 37
TheygatheredinWade’sroom the next morning. The nurse was just giving her a final once over. Wade was already dressed to go home.
Nathan noticed Leven’s pained stare immediately. “Hey, Wade,” he called as the nurse wrote something on her clipboard. She was being very accommodating allowing so many people to mull about.
He caught Wade’s eye when she glanced at him. “Anyone bring you coffee yet? I’ll make a run.” He got a couple more grateful orders and then grabbed Leven firmly by the arm. “Lend a guy a hand, will ya?” he said and promptly dragged Leven after him without giving the kid so much as a breath or chance to argue.
Nathan let Leven go once they were in the hallway, but he didn’t lead them to the coffee machine. They had passed plenty of empty rooms so he led them to one of those instead. Leven didn’t seem to notice. He hardly looked up as they walked and didn’t say a word.
The barely visible bruise that had been on Leven’s chin the other day was large and purple now, but at least none of the knife wounds had stayed. He walked slow and stiff like he hurt all over but couldn’t bring himself to lie down. Nathan knew the feeling. He hated that what he was about to do would make everything worse, but it had to be done. Leven seemed to expect it too, because when the kid finally looked up and saw that they were in an empty room, he just sat on the bed and stared at his hands.
“You know what’s coming?” Nathan asked.
“I…” Leven’s voice choked off. He glanced up at Nathan and then back down again quickly, but it was enough that Nathan saw how much his eyes filled with tears. “I didn’t mean for any of that to happen.”
“I’m sure you didn’t,” Nathan replied severely but still as kind as he could manage. “What I don’t understand…is why you didn’t just tell us right away that you were the one who summoned that thing.”
Leven’s eyes immediately overflowed with tears.
“Whatwereyou trying to do? You couldn’t have wanted that thing to take you over.”
Leven sniffled and sobbed. He didn’t look just shy of eighteen, all hunched, broken, and bruised. He really was just a kid. “It was just a stupid spell,” Leven managed, still staring down rather than at Nathan. His turquoise hair was limp and disarrayed—wilted. “Wade…has all these books and…and there was this really old one, and…and I just thought…it would make things better.”
“Better?” Nathan repeated. “Please tell me you didn’t do this because the kids in your grade are idiots? Because of thosebullies? What did you think was gonna happen?”
“I don’t know!” Leven cried, and when his eyes looked up into Nathan’s again finally, they were red and puffy. “The book didn’tmake it sound like it was…what it was. I thought if it made me stronger, ifIhad the power for a change, then…maybe…”
Nathan must have had on one hell of a disapproving look because Leven curled in on himself and dropped his eyes back to his hands.
“I didn’t know it would hurt anyone. I didn’t even think it had worked. Nothing happened. After the spell…there was nothing. When people started dying, I didn’t think it had anything to do with what I’d done. Even when it kept being people I knew…and liked. But when I saw Tina…with those eyes…I knew it was my fault. It was all my fault. I deserved for that thing to take me…”
“Christ, kid,” Nathan exclaimed, rubbing a hand over his face and up into his hair. “That thing was gonna gut you out of yourself and wear your body around like a suit, owning it and causing the same kind of mayhem other places. And all because you wanted to be different, or not be different, or whatever. I thought you said no one was gonna change your stripes for you? Did you mean that or were you just blowing smoke?”
For a moment Leven looked defensive, even fierce, but then his eyes filled with fresh tears and he stared imploringly at Nathan. “I didn’t want to not be different,” he said, finally with a little conviction, “I just wanted…for it to not matter anymore.”
Brother mode took over as Nathan sat on the bed, pulling Leven against him in a halfway hug that rested Leven’s head on his shoulder. “What am I gonna do with you, kiddo? For starters…I gotta know you’re never gonna think up something this stupid again.”
“No! I don’t even want to look at Wade’s books or…or touch…any of it. Because of me…Andy and…andeveryone…”
