Page 28 of Changeling
Jim just stood there, still and silent, but Sasha looked around frantically, like he felt trapped and just wanted to run. Nathan saw that very urge in Sasha’s eyes, the belief that running was his best option. Running.Leaving.
“Let's just go, okay?” Nathan said, trying to get Sasha to look him in the eyes again.
“Okay,” Sasha said, so softly that Nathan barely heard it.
Nathan glanced at Jim as his brother carefully retrieved the fallen pieces of the scanner. Nathan hated when Jim looked like that—empty. Jim was probably agonizing over all the ways he could blame himself for what had happened, and Nathan wanted him to stop. He wanted both of them to stop wearing theseburdens on their backs when Nathan was more than willing to share the load. It would be okay. Somehow Nathan would make all of it okay again.
He looked to Walter, but Walter’s advice wasn’t what Nathan wanted to hear. “Just give him some space, Nathan. Clearly, there is a deeper issue for Sasha involving those two, and you are all on edge.”
No shit, but that didn’t mean Nathan could just leave things alone.
When they arrived back at the motel, Nathan was about ready to burst. He couldn’t take this kind of unresolved silence, thick and hot like walls encasing them. They were barely through the motel door when he grabbed Sasha's hand.
“Hey. Come on, cut this shit out. You need to talk about what happened, fine. We’ll do that. But I need you to look at me.”
Jim was behind them, stuck halfway out the door because of how they had stopped. Pain and something like guilt was what Nathan saw when Sasha finally turned to look at him. The incubus’ eyes were so wet that Nathan had to wonder if there had been tears shed in the car he hadn’t seen.
Sasha turned in Nathan’s grip, twisting his arm so that Nathan had to let go. “I…I think I just want to go to bed.”
“Okay. Sure,” Nathan nodded. “We’ll just go to bed.”
Sasha’s face cracked further into anguish and he shook his head. “Notwe, Nathan. Just me. Just me in my room. And you two in yours.”
It wasn't as if they had spelled out how the sleeping arrangements would be now that they had left the Gatehouse. They had gotten two rooms on instinct. But this felt like betrayal, like Sasha didn’t trust him, and it filled Nathan with fire.
“Fine,” Nathan said through clenched teeth. “Do whatever. Sulk all fucking night for all I care. You want rid of me, I’mhappy to oblige. Won’t have to put up with me much longer anyway.”
Ignoring whatever calls there might have been made after him, Nathan pushed past Sasha into the motel and headed for his room. He didn’t notice that Jim was right on his heels until he reached the room and slammed the door shut behind him only to have Jim open it again a moment later.
“Nathan.”
“You say anything to me, Jim, I’ll knock your fucking teeth out,” Nathan warned. He needed to work this out of his body, drown in the shower for a while, clean his wounds, and go to bed. He didn’t want to deal with any of this.
Achingly, Nathan slid out of his jacket, hissing as his dislocated shoulder jarred when the heavy fabric fell from it. He ignored Jim’s concerned gasp now that the truth was revealed. Nathan just needed a wall to brace himself against; he didn’t need sympathy.
Walking toward the bathroom, Nathan grabbed onto the doorframe for support and prepared himself to just do this. But, before he could, there was a gentle hand on his good shoulder. Nathan whipped his head up with a ready glare, but what he found was the most pitiable version of Jim's downturned puppy eyes he had yet seen. Jim didn’t say anything, he simply turned Nathan toward him. Nathan took a deep breath and nodded.
All it took was one good jerk aided by Jim’s superior strength and Nathan’s shoulder was back in place. It happened swift enough that Nathan only grunted and grit his teeth for a moment. He’d had worse. A weak ‘thanks’ fell from his lips and then he turned into the bathroom.
The hot water felt good against Nathan’s sore muscles, beading over his shoulders and down his back. The few stitches that had been ripped out on his chest stung, but the damage wasn't too bad. He held his whole face under the stream of waterfor a few minutes, near scalding as it was, and just tried to drown everything out. He pretended not to hear the muffled voices when Sasha came to the room, probably to get a few of his things that had been left behind. The eventual sound of the room's door opening and closing again just made Nathan angrier.
Nathan emerged from the bathroom several minutes later, pulling on sleep pants and a T-shirt. He immediately started pacing, too wired to relax.
Jim sat on his bed. He watched Nathan for a while before finally giving a loud sigh and calling, “Nathan.”
“What did I tell you?” Nathan snapped.
Jim sighed again. “That you’ll deck me if I say anything. No offense, Nate, but I’m not really feeling the threat right now. You’re a basket case and you’re blazing a trail into the carpet. He’s in room 109. Go talk to him.”
A huff left Nathan like that was the very last thing he wanted to do right now. He kept pacing in front of the beds.
“He didn’t mean to hurt you, Nathan. And you didn’t mean to hurt him. So maybe you should stop being a girl for two seconds, shake this off, yell, hit each other, whatever you need to do, and get over it. Sasha has some issues he’s working through. Sometimes that means a person needs to be alone. But I don’t think he should be alone right now, Nate. I’m really worried about him.”
Nathan stopped his pacing right in front of Jim, his brows furrowed, though any actual anger was quickly fading away. “Did you just call me a girl?”
Jim breathed out a small laugh and shook his head. “Nathan…”
“I know,” Nathan said, taking a few deep breaths to calm down and realize how right Jim was. They had bigger things to worry about, and there they were, getting caught up in some petty argument. “He shouldn’t be alone. Probably starting up amarathon of brooding in there. I just wish he wasn’t so damn stubborn. Sometimes I can’t figure the guy out at all, ya know?”
