Page 79 of Sidhe
Nathan briefly thought of calling on some of the humans they knew—Schuester, Wade, Leven—but it didn’t seem right to bring in people like that, even if Wadewasa seer, though he certainly had an itch to give her a call.
“So we’ll get started on contacts,” Alex said, pulling Nathan from his thoughts. “I’m sure that’ll keep us busy for a while, while you…” she looked over at Nathan and tried to hide a smirk, “get your crash course in being an incubus. Just for the sake of asking…we’re sure this can’t backfire on us, right?”
Nathan looked first to Sasha. Then to Jim, and caught that pensive stare, the unease and uncertainty. Then he looked to Walter…and for the first time his confidence wavered.
“Nathan, I know this is not what you want to hear right now, but I’m afraid itcanbackfire. It already has. This was not part of the plan.”
Nathan swallowed. He was so used to Walter being supportive lately, he hadn’t anticipated him being the voice of dissention. “Hey…not my fault. Puck did this. When does heeverfollow the plan?”
Walter kept his intense brown gaze focused on Nathan as if they were the only two people in the bar. “You are not a fool, Nathan. You have to understand why this is disastrous.”
“What are you talking about?” Nathan spat right back.
A deep sigh left the Spirit Guide’s lips, his gaze dropping to impress upon Nathan his disappointment. “You think this is a gift? A way around the deal Sasha willingly made to save you? You may think that by escaping humanity you escape Malak’s hold on you, and that is true. But it also means that you cannot play your role for our side either. We need you human, Nathan; that is where your destiny lies. You cannot fulfill it as an incubus.”
That chill Jim had helped place at the base of Nathan’s spine returned with a sharp bite. Nathan clenched his fists. “You think I’m gonna bow out? I’m not bowing out of anything. I’ll still fight. We’re talking about gathering an army.”
“Nathan,” Walter shook his head, “you do not understand. The side that you fight on is the side that will win, but if you cannot step forward to fulfill your destiny as you were meant to then the outcome becomes uncertain. There will be no guarantees. Our chances for succeeding against Malak will be greatly diminished even without you with him.”
“That…that’s not fair,” Sasha said, hand seeking out Nathan’s and clinging to his wrist. “We didn’t intend for this to happen, but it has now and…and can’t someone else step up and take Nathan’s place if you need a human?”
The disappointment on Walter’s face shifted to Sasha. “The wheels are already in motion. There is no one else. This must be reversed immediately.” He turned back to Nathan, standing tall and full of resolve like he could reach right out and snatch their gift away.
Nathan stepped forward and tucked Sasha behind him with a swift arm. “No dice, Walt,” he said with a glare, wondering if his indignancy was enough to bring out his red eyes. “I’m not giving this up just coz me being an incubus ‘might’ affect the outcome of the war. We’re still gonna fight, and that’s just gonna have to be good enough for your boss up there. You can’t take this away from us.”
“No. I cannot,” Walter said, some of his sternness giving way to something like pity. “I do not have that power under these circumstances. But Puck does. He could reverse it. If he is honest about being an ally, then he will do just that. You must understand the importance of this, Nathan. The importance ofyou.”
“The importance ofme?” Nathan scoffed, practically laughing at the very idea. “You really have your wires crossed, Walt. I can’t get how you’ve watched over me my whole life and still think I’m something special. You and Dave, Oberon, Gwen, you all think you can toss this into my lap and expect me to pull victory out of my ass just becauseyou say so?”
“Nathan…” It was Jim, his tone coming across like a stern warning.
Nathan whipped around. “What, Jim?What? Don’t I get anything for myself? Don’twe? Why does it always have to be us sacrificing everything that’s ever made us happy? If Sasha and I give this up now, we might never get it back. Malak doesn’t get to win in this.Not in this. Puck meant this as a gift so I wouldn’t have to be Malak’s bitch, so I could be happy—happy like you keep telling me I deserve to be, Jim.” He looked back at Walter,whose brow was tightly knit, his face impassive again but unable to hide the last traces of disappointment. “Maybe he did it so I wouldn’t have to be Dave’s bitch either.”
“Nathan,” Walter said just as warningly as Jim had.
“No. I won’t beg Puck to switch us back. I won’t jump every time you tell me to. If your boss has a problem with that then he can take it up with me himself. You tell Dave and Oberon and whoever else that Nathan Grier is gonna fight this war just as he is, and we’re gonna win. You hear me?”
The look in Walter’s eyes was as if Nathan had broken his Spirit Guide’s heart—again. “I hear you, Nathan,” Walter said solemnly. “Your choices are your own.” And without even attempting to talk to Nathan further, he moved to leave the bar.
“Are you out of your mind?” Jim snapped the moment Walter had gone. “Nathan, this is serious. He said that if you’re not human for this, we have that much more chance oflosing. I know you want to be happy, that you want to be with Sasha, I get that, but—”
“But what?” Nathan whirled on Jim again. “But this is bigger than us? But I should think of all the innocent people I’m putting at risk? When have I ever in my whole damn life putmefirst?When?” Nathan felt angry tears filling up his eyes, felt his face growing hot as blood rushed to it, and was almost positive his eyes were burning red now as he leaned into his brother. “We can still do this. Oberon and Gwen aren’t gonna just ditch us. They’ll still fight, and all the people we bring here to help will too. I am not some frickin’ turning point that’s gonna make a difference. We can win just as we are,” he said more calmly, desperate to believe it.
“Nathan?” Sasha’s voice, small and hesitant, filtered over to them as he slid in against Nathan and coiled an arm around his waist. “I hope you’re right, but I don’t want to be wrong and have to look back on this with regret.”
Nathan let the anger and resentment trickle out of him, focusing instead on the feelings of trust, full and completetrusthe could feel from Sasha. He turned toward Sasha and held him close. “No regrets, baby. Ever. We can do this.”
When Sasha smiled back at him and let his forehead fall against Nathan’s, Nathan felt renewed confidence flow through him.
“I don’tbelieveyou. Either of you,” Jim said, his fists clenched and his expression ferocious when they turned to him. “Maybe wecanstill win, but if you think you’re proving a point…” He trailed and shook his head. “The way you always put everyone before yourself, Nathan, it’s something I admire in you. It’s the reason I never doubted why they chose you, why you’re the one who’s supposed to lead. Butthis?” Jim actually looked disgusted. “You hear the truth and you still turn your back.”
Nathan was so stunned when Jim walked right out of the bar as Walter had that it was several moments before he managed to call after him, “Jim, wait! Jim!” but no answer or reappearance followed.
“I’ll…I’ll go talk to him. And make sure Walter’s okay too,” Alex said, her voice small as she moved swiftly past Nathan. She paused near the entrance to look back. “You know I’d speak up if I felt strongly in either direction here, Nate, I just…I don’t know what the right answer is. But you better be damn sure of the side you’re on if you’re going to follow through with this.”
For what might have been minutes, Nathan stood there, Sasha close at his side. Sasha was acting too still and strangely small for someone Nathan still had to look up at in order to meet gazes. Nathan easily saw as well as felt how much Jim and Walter’s words had shaken him.
“Prrp?” came a soft chirp from Wally on the bar’s countertop. Nathan had forgotten she was there, in cat form, a permanent member of their group amidst the others.
