Page 140 of Sidhe
The added pressure on Nathan’s neck made it even harder to breathe, but he wasn’t defeated yet. “I know my lore. You found a way here before, after the war. You thought you were so much better than us lowly humans.”
Malak snorted. “My thoughts haven’t changed on that.”
“Maybe not. But maybe, a few thousand years ago, when you were last here, youwondered. Maybe it was another chance like this. Likenow. And you had a human body all your own like you almost had mine. You probably planned your whole lay waste and world domination bit and everything. But something changed, didn’t it? You met a pretty redhead and it changed everything. Believe me, man, I can relate.” Nathan smirked.
His vision grew cloudy as Malak threw him to the floor, but he could see the way Malak stared maliciously down at him without advancing, the light he could see at the center of the darkness flickering. Whether it was against his better judgment or not, Nathan spoke on.
“I don’t think you were playing games. You really loved her. She really loved you. You were gonna change your tune, even, I think. You finally saw something in humans you couldn’t just pass off as corruptible.”
“And I waswrong,” Malak snarled, his tongue snaking out of his mouth and looking, for a moment, forked. “I was wrong not only in believing humans have something to offer, because she wasn’t human, was she? I was wrong that it matteredat all.”
“Why?” Nathan countered with honest, even sympathetic curiosity. He sat up as best he could and pulled the goggles from his eyes, no longer needing them. “Because she rejected you? So what? She panicked. Plenty of people panic. She’s regretted it every day since. What about you?
“See, I don’t think you’ve ever been the same. I think there’s still some human in you from back then, and hey, mix it up with a little ofme,” Nathan placed one foot on the ground and rose back up to his feet, “and you start to wonder again, don’t you? You start to doubt. It was a great plan and all, this round, get back at Oberon and Gwen, get back at Dave using his own lesser creation against him—me—to prove your point. Maybe you really are the Devil, like Solrin thought. Genius, either way. Too bad the joke’s on you.”
“Enough,” Malak snapped, grabbing Nathan by the front of his shirt and pulling him in close. “You think you can appeal to me this way? Appeal to my sense ofhumanity? You are a fool, Nathan Grier. There is no humanity in me.”
Nathan touched his thumb to the divided circle scar carved into his hand—the mark that had started it all, even before the Messenger scarred his chest. “You’re lying. Why else would you have been so interested in Sasha? You said yourself that he wasn’t part of your initial equation, but you just loved when he became part of the package.
“I heard Gwen say that Sasha reminded her of her child. The first incubus. The son she had withyou. That’s why you wanted him, isn’t it? Though I gotta admit it’s kinda creepy you were looking so forward tofuckinghim, even if you were in my body. Or maybe that was more because Sasha reminded you of Gwen.”
“Stop,” Malak bit out, actually shaking now.
“Why?” Nathan said again, facing Malak without fear, because even if a part of him was terrified, that didn’t matter now. “Tell me.Why? Is it because you’d give anything to have her back? But you figure she’d take one look at you and see you for the evil sonuvabitch that you—”
Nathan didn’t get to finish, his jaw cracking from the force of Malak’s punch and the whole room turning topsy-turvy as he fell, once again, to the floor.
Spitting blood onto the hardwood beneath him, Nathan’s vision was a massive blur again. “It’s okay…ya know,” he figured he’d go for broke, doubled over on the floor and half-blind after that hit, “if you…wish you could take it all back. That’s why you came to earth that time, wasn’t it? Coz you wondered if you were wrong for starting the war. Coz you wished you couldtake it back. I can feel you, asshole, and you’re not all dark like you pretend. You feel even more human coz of me. But you just won’t let yourself say you’re sorry.Can’t. And all because of the same thing that started this mess in the first place. Your god damnpride.”
A fresh kick slammed into Nathan’s side. Then again.Again. Vicious and unceasing for what seemed like minutes. Nathan spat more blood onto the wood. His vision was nearly black now, but he kept on talking.
“I figured…something else out,” he sputtered and shook as he spoke, “I know…now…I can let it go. The things I’ve done…that I can never…forgive myself for. I canlet it go. But you don’t know how to let things go anymore, do you? That’s why you’re sopissed. It’s why you wanted me. So you could…feel human again…without having to admit that’s what you wanted. That’s why…this whole time…I needed to be—”
Malak struck Nathan again, a hard kick that broke a few more ribs and had Nathan gasping painfully for breath. If a lung hadn’t been punctured yet, it was damn close to happening soon.
“You are nothing,” Malak hissed, grabbing Nathan roughly from the ground and holding him up by the shirt to hang like a ragdoll. “After this is over, you will keep feeling the loss of me, Nathan Grier, and it will pain you. I will feel the loss of you and begrateful.”
Nathan blinked, forcing his eyes to focus, forcing himself to stay conscious just a little longer. He looked at Malak, at the snarl that was accompanied by so much fear Malak would never admit to feeling, and then turned to look out the window again at the battle outside. What Nathan saw made him smile.
“Whatis funny?” Malak demanded.
The whole damn thing, Nathan thought.
He clutched at his father’s wedding ring with shaking fingers, hanging against his chest where it always rested, and squeezed as tight as he could. He was not alone, even trapped inside the Gatehouse with Malak, wounded and fading. He was never alone.
“You…always needed me…to pull this off,” Nathan said without turning his gaze from the window. “Whether I chose you…or not…didn’t matter. You needed me…to either be with you or to fall to you. But I’m not wavering. And if I’m not…letting you get the better of me…” Nathan rolled his head forward again to smirk into those red on black eyes, “then I’m not losing either.”
All the rage slipped from Malak’s face, leaving him blank. He turned his head, staring out the window as Nathan had, and his eyes went wide with disbelief.
What had looked hopeless minutes ago was a totally different picture now. Outnumbered or not, the losses still great, the light fae, incubi, succubae, andhumans…were winning.
Malak’s grip on Nathan faltered, enough for Nathan to stumble away, unsteady on his feet but standing. Malak ignored him, going to the window, staring out of it, a hand pressed to the glass.
“Impossible,” he breathed. “They are tied to me. I cannot lose.”
“See…that’s what I figured,” Nathan said. “You’re the key. If you’re confident…they do better, even without Solrin. But you’re not soconfidentright now, are you? It’s hard, I guess, to be sure of yourself when you know the other guy’s right.”
Malak’s focus snapped back to Nathan. “Do not presume to—”
