Page 114 of Sidhe
“You don’t get it,” Nathan said, looking so much like he wanted to go to Sasha, but was refrainingfor Sasha’s sake, something that made Jim so angry, because this should be moreblack and white but it wasn’t. “You don’t get it…but you will.” Then Nathan turned to Solrin, said something about needing time to think, told him to “Keep an eye on everyone,” and headed for the stairs.
There was no way Jim would acknowledge Solrin as his keeper. He glared at theformerseal and went to help Walter instead. He and Sasha helped Walter sit upright while he continued to cough and gasp for air. Soon, Walter’s breathing came under control, and something like recognition passed through his eyes, eyes that didn’t look quite as brilliant anymore when he looked at Jim and Sasha.
“I never thought it would end like this,” Walter said.
Jim didn’t know what to say. Sasha, when Jim looked at him now, seemed hollow,blank. It wasn’t like Sasha, who Jim had grown so used to being emotional and impulsive.
Jim asked Alex and Shiarra to get Walter some water, hinting that they should escape to the kitchen and stay out of sight, which they each acknowledged eagerly. Then Jim stood and walked to Solrin.
“Sasha and I are going up to talk to Nathan. You’re supposed to keep an eye on things? Keep an eye onthem.” He pointed to the others heading for the kitchen, Alex and Shiarra both carefully helping Walter, though he already seemed much stronger.
Jim tried to seem like he wasn’t filled with as muchhatredas he was, unable to forget that Solrin would have happily killed him and Sasha to see Nathan’s ‘light’ sooner.
Rather than wait to see if Solrin would protest, Jim turned away, grabbed Sasha’s arm, and headed immediately for the stairs. He knew why Sasha was acting stony and cold now as if this wasn’t eating him alive, but they couldn’t afford for anyone to be a ticking time bomb. As soon as they reached the top of thestairs, Jim grabbed Sasha by the front of his shirt and slammed him back against the nearest wall.
“You think I don’t know what you’re doing?” he practically snarled, all his patience used up on keeping himself from stupidly attacking Nathan. “Shutting down is not going to help us. I need you on the ball here, Sasha. Snap out of it.”
The incubus looked startled. Then his eyes narrowed and he snarled right back, “So what am I supposed to do? Start screaming? Cry on your shoulder?” He pushed hard at Jim’s chest, knocking him back a step. “I don’t know what to do. And you don’t either. How can we just…go through the motions when nothing we do can possibly fix this? I can’t stand it. I can’t stand knowing there’s nothing I can do…” His voice cracked, his expression broken, but before any screaming or crying could commence, Jim swooped in and pulled Sasha tight against him.
“We can fix this. And we’re going to,” Jim said with far more confidence than he felt. “We’re going to because Nathan’s counting on us. All this, the whole mess…it doesn’t add up, right?” He pulled back enough to look at Sasha, to see that haunted face close before him.
Sasha’s eyes glittered with understanding. “Right. Nathan would never have done this if he didn’t have a plan.”
“Exactly. And maybe that plan is us. Maybe Nathan’s counting on us to figure it out. I don’t know if it’s just Malak in there messing with us, if it’s Nathan somehow being completely honest and in control, or if Nathan just thinks he’s in control and Malak’s still swaying him. But when Nathan made his decision to let Malak take him, he couldn’t have known how it would turn out either, which means he would have planned for us to be just as doubtful. We just have to figure this out. Somehow there’s a way for us to fix this.”
Seemingly bolstered by Jim’s resolve, Sasha nodded. “We’re getting Nathan back.”
“Yes, we are. And there’s one way to start.” Jim glanced down the hallway, knowing Nathan was in one of the rooms. The idea of facing him was daunting, but they had to if they were going to have any chance of figuring this out.
They found Nathan in the library, snatching up books from the shelves and flipping through them like he was speed-reading, a wild grin on his face. He turned as they entered, smiling wider to see the both of them.
“It’s crazy,” he said, like they were picking right up on a conversation they had already been having, “all the things I know, that I know andremember…you wouldn’t believe. Everything in these books,” he flipped through another one, “it’s already in my head. All the ways to kill these creatures, to find them. Guys, I tell ya, it’s gonna be easy once we start.Cake. Shit, I can…I can even remember things about the Roman Empire before it fell.” He laughed, closing his eyes as if he could see it all, centuries behind his eyelids. “It’s like I was there, watching it all happen. The things I know now…it’d blow your minds.”
“Like what it was like torturing you in the Veil?” Sasha bit out.
Jim flinched and cast the incubus a warning look. But Nathan didn’t seem upset. His smile went crooked, a huff of air like a short laugh leaving him. He set down the book in his hands and started to come around the sofa closer to them.
“I get it, okay?” he said with a sympathetic look at Sasha, a small bit ofNathanleaking through despite the red on black eyes. “It’s not like I forgive him. But you gotta see the bigger picture here, baby. Sometimes the ends really do justify the means. And I know you hate that,” Nathan turned his gaze to Jim, almost reading his mind, but Jim was thankful that he didn’t think Nathan, even with Malak’s powers, could do that, “I don’t like it either. But I don’t have to like it to know that I can make things better. Can’t you guys believe that this is me? I’mjust trying to be smart with the power I’ve been given. Does that have to be bad?”
In some ways Jim knew he could dismiss how frightening Nathan had been downstairs, because even this scary, dark version of Nathan hadn’t actually hurt anyone. It would be easy to believe in this Nathan. Too easy.
“Nate…” Jim began carefully, “when you sent most of the people away, why did you send Sasha’s friends? Why Ula and others that didn’t join in the attack? If you only want to get rid of evil supernatural creatures then they might have helped us.”
Something flickered across Nathan’s face, something Jim couldn’t decipher. “I knew most of them wouldn’t be able to understand, not right away, that’s why I sent them all home. But you guys,” he lit up again, “you guys know I’m still me. You gotta know that, right?”
Neither Jim nor Sasha responded.
“Here.” Nathan stepped up to them, up to Sasha, reaching for the incubus’ hands, who instinctively flinched back. Nathan frowned. “Sasha…baby, come on, look,” he said, taking Sasha’s hands anyway and closing his eyes hard a moment before opening them to revealgreeninstead of red on black. It was cruel how much it made Nathan seem entirely himself again.
“I’m still me. Malak didn’t lie to me. He didn’t have to. He still gets to be all-powerful and a part of this even with me in control. That’s all he wanted. He doesn’t care how it gets done, just so long as he’s along for the ride. I can make the world better like this. A better worldfor us.” He kept hold of Sasha’s hands with one of his own but reached up with the other to touch Sasha’s face.
This time Sasha didn’t flinch, but his expression looked like he was already mourning the loss of Nathan. “For us? How can you say that when I can’t change you?Again? When you let yourself become something else?”
“It’s not like that at all,” Nathan said with a tender smile. “I’m more like you right now than you think. I won’t age like this. I can’t be hurt. I can’t even be touched. We can be together just like we wanted.”
There was so much sincerity in how Nathan said that, and Sasha was soon leaning into his touch, damp blue eyes showing signs that he was close to believing Nathan, wanting the promises he was giving.
Jim spoke up quickly. “What about the other fae, Nathan? They’re still on their way. Oberon and Gwen aren’t just going to head back to the Veil and let you do what you want. We’re going to have a lot of enemies.”
