Page 72 of Sidhe
Sasha flinched away. “Don’t,” he barely choked out, “don’t you dare…pity me…and do this out of obligation. Not after…”Iain, Nathan thought at first, but then realized that of course Sasha meantAdrian. He shook his head and stood suddenly on shaky legs to get out of the tub. Nathan tried to help but Sasha pushed him away. “I saiddon’t.”
“Sasha.” Nathan tried to help Sasha out of the tub anyway, ready to catch the incubus should he stumble, and just as he expected, as soon as Sasha stepped out of the tub and started to walk toward the door, he pitched to the side. Nathan caught him easily, already up off the toilet, and held Sasha tight against him even if the damn stubborn bastard tried to push him off again.
“This isn’t obligation,” Nathan said. “I get to help you because I love you. That’s what we promised each other, right? All that damnsap,and I wouldn’t change a word of it.”
The feeling of Sasha in his arms, taller but thinner than him and so damn light, impossibly light because of his weakness, had Nathan feeling like he could scoop Sasha up into his arms and it wouldn’t be a strain at all.
Blue eyes, far too dim, blinked at Nathan, Sasha slouching forward into Nathan’s chest and shaking like a leaf.
“Bit of…déjà vu. Only other way around.” Sasha smiled without any humor, tears ripe in his eyes again. Nathan would never forget the night he came back from the Veil, how hard it was to even breathe let alone live, and how Sasha had held him, helping him out of the tub and later too, just held him and made everything feel at least a little better.
Nathan tried to smile back, knowing the expression could only come out marred. Just looking at Sasha, their eyes meeting, was enough for him to be certain that he loved the incubus so much it stung.
“Nate…” Sasha said like a god damn keen, his face twisting as tears streamed fast and hot down his cheeks, “I know I…fucked up. I know I hurt you. And I am so sorry. I’m so sorry, Nate,god, I’m sorry.” He let his head fall forward against Nathan’s, his breath hitching. “I ruinedeverything. And now…with Solrin…and Iain…” He choked, sobbed, clutched at Nathan’s shirt, still shivering naked and wet in his arms.
“Come on,” Nathan spoke gently beside Sasha’s ear, shifting the incubus to better help him from the bathroom. “Gotta get you into bed.” And with Sasha near dead-weight but still so strangely, unnervingly light, Nathan began to lead them back into the bedroom.
Sasha tried to struggle but didn’t have the strength to do much more than paw at Nathan’s chest. “Nate,” he whimpered, “please…don’t.”
“Will you shut up,” Nathan said. “Trust me.I’ll take care of you, baby. I’ll always take care of you.” Sasha needed him, and as much as a part of Nathan still felt sour and scorned and filled with grief, that meant more to him than anything else.
It was far too easy to lift Sasha and lay him out on the bed, that lithe body shivering and damp still, unable to push Nathan away. Nathan noticed then that Sasha was still wearing the silver saint medallion, the one Dave had given him and that Nathan had in turn given to Sasha. The incubus could never lose Nathan as long as he wore that chain, Nathan honestly believed that.
You keep Iain safe, Dave. You damn well better…
Sasha curled onto his side, looking so weak and pale and sick that Nathan felt tears in his eyes again too. “I don’t know how to make this...us…okay again.” Sasha dug the side of his face into the pillow beneath his head, his body turned away from Nathan and his eyes on the far wall.
Nathan crawled onto the bed after him, fully clothed, shoes and all, and spooned in around Sasha, pulling the incubus back against him. If Sasha wanted to fight Nathan off, he didn’t try, or at least couldn’t manage it. “There isn’t something you can do right this second to just, poof, make it all okay. But I’m still here. And I’ll always be here. I’m never walking away from you again. I just need to know that you trust me enough to know thatI trust you. I’m fairly certain you don’t wanna go and run away with that incubus kid and leave me,” he tried to chuckle.
“Never,” Sasha said, clutching at Nathan’s arms that had wormed around his waist. “I just…I didn’t know what to do and I panicked. I just kept seeing that…that girl. Like Adrian was me and it was happening all over again.” He took in a shortbreath, more tears streaming down his face as he looked over his shoulder at Nathan, so pitiably that Nathan couldn’t stand it.
“But it wasn’t you. And that kid, Adrian, he’s gonna be okay because you helped him. I just wish…I wish it all could have happened differently.” Like them having found the kid before Sasha had to sacrifice himself at all and they could have passed him off to some other incubus or at least gotten the kid home. “Have you heard from Shi?”
Sasha turned to look forward again, settling back against Nathan and holding his arms tight to his chest. The sheets were getting wet, and pretty much the entire front and side of Nathan’s clothing since Sasha hadn’t toweled off. “She called. I didn’t tell her about how…how I am or what happened. Didn’t want her to worry. It’s almost poetic,” he said wistfully. “She brought him to the same man who helped me.”
“An incubus?” Nathan questioned. It was so intimate just holding Sasha, their voices hushed, Sasha’s pulse beating too fast. Nathan could feel it in Sasha’s skin.
“Well, it would have been way too wrong if Shi had me feed offherthat time, right?” There was humor in the words and it made it easy for Nathan to laugh a little along with Sasha.
“Guess so. A little rehab sex for the kid then?”
“He was still pretty wrecked.”
“Now you are too,” Nathan said, lips brushing Sasha’s ear and making the incubus tremble for a different reason. “Gotta fix that.”
“Nate, I told you, I…I couldn’t bear it if—”
“And I toldyouthis isn’t about obligation. I take care of you, end of story.”
Sasha’s breath hitched again. “You don’t want me,” he said through a sob. “I know you…wantme, but not right now, not after everything. You’re only doing this because there isn’t any other choice unless I go to someone else or—”
“Ornothing,” Nathan cut Sasha off sharply, holding almost too firmly onto that shivering body. “There is no other choice,period. The whole fucking world’s messed up and we’re in the middle of it. The only reason I can still stand and even try to fight is because I have you. Yeah, I’m still angry, and it still hurts, and I keep thinking about Malak, and Sol, and Iain…”
He paused before his voice could catch again on the words, took a breath.
“But I know you don’t wanna give up on us anymore than I do. It’s you and me, baby, you and me. I will always want you. Always love you. That’s why I get to save you.”
Chapter 26
