Page 5 of Sidhe
It took Nathan a moment to remember that he was supposed to be upset by this. “Dude,” he said as he sat up to pull in his legs and hide his nudity, “not exactly putting on a show here.” There, he could do this. He could pretend until it came naturally again. It would happen. It had to. Eventually he’d snap back andhe wouldn’t feel like drowning was a better option than trying to live.
“Sorry,” Jim put up his hands, turning so that he was facing the main room. “Pizza’s on its way. A truckload full. Good thing they’re open ‘til two. It’s after midnight, ya know. Malakisa stickler for the rules, and he had you seven days to the minute.”
Nathan figured that was Jim’s way of testing the waters, seeing whether or not Sasha had gotten around to telling Nathan what happened.
“Nathan, uhh…sorta wants to keep a low profile about all that tonight,” Sasha said. “We can eat and then go to bed whenever you want, Nate. You’re probably tired.”
He was exhausted, body and mind wiped. But he didn’t want to sleep. He knew what that would bring. “Nah, I…don’t think I’m gonna hit the hay tonight. Feel more like staying up. You could…fill me in on what I missed. I assume ‘everyone’ means Alex, Iain, and…Wally?”
“And Shiarra,” Sasha added with a bite at his lip. “She sorta freaked, met us here, hasn’t left since. If she drives you crazy, I swear I will tell her to leave.”
Nathan actually cracked a smile at that, real and unintentional. It made his cheeks feel numb. “More the merrier. Tomorrow. I’m sure they’re going out of their minds, but…I’m fine. You told them I was fine, right?” He looked at Jim.
Slowly, Jim turned his head, gaze lingering now that it wasn’t really peeping with Nathan’s legs pulled in. “Yeah,” he said with too much gauging for that to be the whole truth, “I told them, Nate. I also said you pretty much crashed up here and would barely be awake for the pizza. Figured they’d push less to see you if they thought you were asleep. Alex made sure the Gatehouse was cleared out for this, so…we have some time.”
“Thanks, Jim. So tell me…what’d you guys do all week?”
Chapter 2
Whenthepizzaarrived,no one came to their door, but Jim’s cell phone buzzed from a text. He left and came back a little later with cans of soda and a couple boxes just for them. Nathan had wanted to ask for a beer or maybe something harder, but he didn’t want to bother Jim with that.
As it turned out, the group hadn’t done much of anything the past week, just waited for Nathan to return. Nathan was able to surmise that whatever the deal was to save him it meant he had only had to serve those seven days as a Shadow Immortal—what was a year to him—and then Malak had agreed to return him. At what cost, Nathan wasn’t ready to find out.
There was only one bed in the room, but Jim brought in a sleeping bag. Nathan tried to say it wasn’t necessary, but Jim just shrugged like it wasn’t a big deal.
Jim and Sasha must have assumed or seen that Nathan was tired, because they kept trying to get him ready for bed. Maybe they were just tired too. They still talked even when the lightswere off—Jim from the floor, Sasha next to him. Nathan didn’t do much talking, which he knew must have seemed strange to them, but he just liked hearing the sound of their voices, going on about nothing and laughing and beingthem. He didn’t want to wreck that.
He tried so hard to stay awake. He thought of leaving after he was certain the others had fallen asleep, thought of walking around a little or going downstairs, but he couldn’t bear the thought of running into anyone else and having to interact. If he went outside…he’d have to face Walter.
So he snuggled against Sasha’s side, the incubus’ arm draped lazily over him in sleep. The sound of Jim’s light snores were comforting, the closeness of both of them. But Nathan knew that if he fell asleep he would be vulnerable. He just had to stay awake a little longer.
It wasn’t real, he told himself for the millionth time, his eyes so sore and heavy. It wasn’t real. It wasn’t real. It. Wasn’t. Real.
But he knew that was a lie.
“Justsayit,Nathan.Just say it and this will all be over.”
Hands everywhere. Sasha’s. Jim’s. The feeling of being surrounded, trapped. He didn’t try to move away when lips pressed to his neck.
Jim’s words fell hot on his ear. “All the pain, Nathan. The remorse. The guilt. I can take it away. Don’t you want it to be like it was? Just the three of us. Unstoppable. I can give you anything, Nathan. I will give you everything you ever wanted. Release. Finally release if you’ll just say the words.”
“Okay, Jim,” Nathan said. “Okay…”
Nathandidn’twakeupscreaming. He woke up drowning, his tears so thick, soundless as they were, that he had soaked the pillow. He was shaking again, but there were arms to hold him, too many arms that weren’t too many when it was the Jim and Sasha he loved.
He shook and sobbed as they held him, clinging wherever he could get a tight hold and not caring how or when Jim had crawled into bed with them. It was like Maine when Jim and Sasha were five years old in adult bodies and they had slept all curled together. Now Nathan was the little boy. Now Nathan was the one who needed comfort.
He couldn’t tell them. He could never tell them how much he had longed for the strength to hate them.
If it had been anyone else, some bastard sidhe torturing him with every device known to man or beast, Nathan could have borne it, could have stood his ground and told the fucker to stick it where the sun don’t shine. But not Sasha. Not Jim. Not when it was real. Not when it wasthem.
They had always been his weakness. And Malak had used that. To win.
Nathan didn’t fall back asleep after that. He pretended to so Jim and Sasha would think he got some decent rest, that he was okay, but if the past year could haunt him while he was awake then he knew it would be like reliving it all over again every time he slept.
When morning came, Nathan waited until both Jim and Sasha were out of bed before he feigned a groggy awakening and said, “There gonna be breakfast down there?” if only to further ease their concerns.
Several minutes later he was alone in the bathroom; dressed, clean, teeth brushed. He couldn’t seem to get his hair right. It was all smushed to one side of his head from his restless sleep. He couldn’t remember the last time he had cared to style it.
