Page 4 of Sidhe
Frustration passed over Sasha’s face, old frustration, familiar, because Sasha always looked like that when Nathan refused to admit how wrecked he was. “It’s…it’s almost ready, Nate. Might be kinda hot. Better check it before you get in.”
Sasha’s words had Nathan gripping the front of the redhead’s T-shirt. “You’re not gonna go, are you?” He hated sounding so unlike himself—fragile, needy, scared. But he had grown so used to feeling like that and not being able to hide it.
Again, emotion splayed across Sasha’s face. This time it was concern, worry, even fear. “I…I can stay, Nathan. Of course. I just thought you’d want your privacy.”
Privacy? What the fuck is that, Nathan thought. He cracked a crooked grin. “Not like you haven’t seen it all before. I just, uhh….don’t wanna be alone right now.” He knew his voice shook—he was still shaking.
Sasha nodded, holding Nathan steady with large hands on his shoulders. “I’ll stay.”
It might have been erotic a different time, a different life—Sasha undressing Nathan with careful tugs, his soft hands running up Nathan’s chest and down his thighs as he removed the sweats—but this felt more like charity, like Sasha was helping poor incapable Nathan so he wouldn’t do something stupid like trip, or hurt himself, or smash face-first into the mirror, ramming the glass over and over again until there was nothing left of him but jagged lines.
It wasn’t real, it wasn’t real, it wasn’t…
Nathan didn’t have anything on underneath the sweats, not even shorts or socks. His body didn’t feel dirty, his hair wasn’t greasy, but he felt so unclean. Part of him hated the reflection he could see so clearly as they passed the mirror to reach the tub. He didn’t deserve to look that fresh and new.
“Is it okay?” Sasha asked when Nathan first stepped into the water.
The heat was immediate and intense. His foot had been cold before he stepped in, and the water was probably too hot, tingling his skin with little needles that felt both hot and cold, back and forth like frostbite. “It’s fine,” he said, bringing the other foot in too. Sasha helped him sit down, lie back, submerge.
“Awesome tub, huh?” the incubus said, forcing a smile. “This thing’s practically like a Jacuzzi. Bet I could fit in there with you.”
“That’d be nice,” Nathan hummed, liking the feel of the too hot water warming his cold skin, even if it stung a little. He thought of how good it would feel if Sasha joined him, wet skin sliding against his with no threat or fear involved. “Sometime...maybe,” he amended since he wasn’t sure he could keep that nice train of thought without falling prey to another bad memory.
The bathroom was nicely dim, the curtain of the shower pulled out of the way so Nathan didn’t feel too cocooned in the tub, and Sasha was right, it was abigtub. He could stretch out fully, sink down into it with only his head above the water, and actually relax, breathe, be okay and safe for the first time in…
Okay, thinking too much was a bad idea. Nathan needed to not think. Not think about anything. He wanted that pizza. And a drink. A hard drink.
“Nathan…about…how we got you out.”
“Don’t,” Nathan cut the incubus off, not even opening his eyes that had closed, “I don’t wanna know.”
“But…Nate—”
“I know what I need to. Someone made a deal. Only way it could have happened. Just tell me…tell me no one’s going where I was.” Nathan wouldn’t be able to stand it if someone had started the whole damn thing over and traded their soul to Malak.
“No,” Sasha said. “It’s not that, Nathan. Malak didn’t want that. Not that I wouldn’t have given him my soul if I thought—”
As soon as Nathan opened his eyes to look at the incubus, Sasha stopped. He looked away, guilt filling his face as he sighed, maybe reading just what Nathan was feeling, and feeling it as clearly as he could see it on Nathan’s face.
“Nathan…I was supposed to save you, but I couldn’t. Not then, not in time. Eventually I’m going to have to tell you how we got you out.”
“I know. But not now. Not tonight. I don’t wanna know what I’m worth when I don’t feel like I’m…worth…”Anything.
He had to stop thinking about it. He was with Sasha, and everything was okay, and it didn’t matter that he had betrayed everything he ever believed about himself. It had just been a very long, very bad dream.
It wasn’t real, it wasn’t real, it wasn’t…
Sasha’s hand was cool on Nathan’s forehead. He opened his eyes. He hadn’t realized he had sunk low enough that his mouth was below the water. Pushing up a little, he bucked into Sasha’s hand like a cat pleading for attention. Sasha grinned crookedly at him, stroking through the wet strands of hair. He was on his knees just outside the tub. He was stunning in the dim light with sadness mingling with devotion on his face, his red hair a mess, his T-shirt rumpled like he had slept in it.
The incubus leaned over the tub, replacing his cool hand with cool lips just beneath Nathan’s hairline. “You’re wortheverything.”
It would definitely be unmanly to cry again. “Enough with the sap, huh?” Nathan managed, swallowing a sob.
He had to get it together. They didn’t know and they weren’t going to know just what Nathan Grier’s perfect Hell in the Veil had been. He needed to forget, needed to suck it up, move on, get over it—preferably in the next thirty seconds.
After a minute he gave up thinking it would be that easy.
“Hey, guys?” It was Jim, back from his trek to the assembled masses. He pushed on the half-open bathroom door and came right in, startled when he saw that Nathan was naked in the tub.
