Page 35 of Sidhe
Nathan felt a little of that darkness worm its way back into his chest, just enough that he felt regret, guilt, because he wasn't the only one recovering from his time away. He couldn't forget that, what Sasha had gone through, what Nathan hadputSasha through. That's why Nathan needed Sasha. And Jim. And the others. Because they all needed to recover from this and it was going to be so much easier together.
Curling his legs tighter with Sasha's and burrowing his head a little closer, Nathan breathed in deeply, clinging with all of his promises like a stain on his skin. "I'm never leaving again. Not if I can help it. I swear to you. I never should have left like that. I didn't know what to do, and nothing was making it better, and I just wanted you tohateme so it'd be easier to leave. But I don't want that anymore. Never really did. I just want you, baby. I just want you," Nathan repeated softer, right against Sasha's skin.
"I love you, Nathan," Sasha said.
"I never stopped loving you back."
Chapter 13
Nathanawoketooearly,because they had never drawn the shades but the sky was still dark. He had slept deeply, and though he couldn't remember dreams, he had the dull memory of something almost like an echo, like he had glimpsed a bit of their future again and not all of it was told in battles. Nathan hoped he lived to see a life like that.
Even though it was too early, Nathan got up, uncoiling from Sasha carefully, knowing the incubus might be easily roused from sleep after such a thorough feeding last night. Nathan draped the covers more fully over Sasha and grabbed a pair of sleep pants from his duffle.
The Gatehouse was always a little eerie that early, everyone else still asleep, the lights all off save a scant few. Nathan was thirsty, and strangely famished, so he headed for the kitchen, figuring maybe he would just make up some coffee for the crew. Making coffee—that was something Nathan knew he could do, even if some things about normal life still felt strange.
He supposed he shouldn't be surprised when he smelled already brewing coffee as he reached the kitchen.
"Alex," Nathan more than likely mumbled since he was still a bit groggy, "what the hell are you doing up so early?"
Wearing a tank top and a pair of sleep pants of her own, Alex was in the process of wrapping up her hair in a messy bun when she turned to see Nathan enter. "Hey. I could say the same about you, ya know. Coffee?" she smiled, gesturing to the pot.
"Please. Black's fine. I'm not Jim, so I don't need the couple pounds of sugar," Nathan said, claiming one of the stools by the kitchen island. "You usually up this early?"
The coffee was done, so Alex grabbed some mugs, some cream for herself, and started pouring. "Work at this place usually calls for it. If I wake up, I can't fall back to sleep if it's after five. So I figuredcoffee. Don't know how much everyone was able to sleep last night anyway, given everything that’s going on. You?" She passed Nathan his cup.
"Not so bad actually. I think my body was ready to crash. So…I had you tossing and turning, huh?" He let his eyes fall to the island's countertop so he wouldn't have to look into Alex’s eyes.
"We’re all scared, Nate," Alex said plainly. “Doesn’t mean I don’t believe in you. Oh, and…did I notice a new room claimed? There was another door closed on my way down.”
“Yeah, that’s just Walter. We’ll fill you and Iain in once everyone’s up and I can actually see straight.” He took another sip of his coffee. He could tell Alex wanted to ask about Walter, maybe to have Nathan reiterate whether it was the Walter she knew about or someone else, but she didn’t press.
Her eyes were dark when he finally looked up again, hazel and so beautiful. Nathan knew she was saying with her gaze that she understood how scared Nathan must be too, but somehow she looked so calm.
"I might mess this up," Nathan said, trapped in Alex's stare. "Nobody wants to admit it, but I might. I've let Malak win twice already. There's no guarantee. Only thing I know for sure is that I don't want it to happen. But I don't want to run anymore either. I don't want to deal with this alone."
"Good," Alex said, sipping her coffee and letting the intensity in her eyes soften. "Not that I ever doubted you, Nate, and really, you could stand to have a little more faith in yourself. It's true, you might make the wrong decision, but I don't think that's going to happen. Not if it's all of us, working together.”
She smiled again. And Nathan smiled with her. And they drank their coffee.
"Hey." Nathan looked at Alex a little hesitantly again. "Will you tell me something? Honestly? I know the others won't. And I don't want to burden them by asking. Not that I want to burdenyou, but…I think you might actually tell me the truth."
Alex's expression went a little blank and she brushed back a stray strand of dark hair from her face. "Of course. Anything."
"What was that week like?"
Sasha had told Nathan more or less how they passed the time while he was in the Veil, but he knew better than to just take them at their word.
"It was quiet," Alex said after a moment. "Tense. Jim and Sasha didn't leave each other’s side much, like maybe they still had a part of you around if they had each other. It almost would have been sweet…if it didn't break my heart so much." Her smile broke, dropping completely until she took another gulp of coffee to clear her head. "They only drank themselves to sleep once, one of the first days. Then they just waited. It was hard. But it was worse when you left because you wanted to," she finished with a flick of her eyes, heatedly centered on Nathan.
"I know." He couldn't apologize anymore, couldn't think of anything to add that could actually make up for it, so he simplymet Alex's gaze again, bare, not trying to hide anything; he had hidden long enough.
"Hungry?" Alex moved for the refrigerator, the smile back on her face as if that moment between them was all she wanted, and she wouldn't ask for more.
That's when it dawned on Nathan. None of them would ever ask anything of him; they didn't expect him to save the world, but they believed he was capable.
"Actually, I'm starved," Nathan said, feeling lighter, relieved,free. "Think we can manage pancakes? Bet that'd get the others out of bed."
Alex chuckled, shaking her head but looking totally game as she glanced at him with a raised eyebrow tossed over her shoulder. "You check for syrup, I'll get the milk and eggs."
