Page 53 of Seven Nights with the Wicked Duke
"Please keep quiet, you are injured," she said on a whisper, arranging him comfortably on the sofa. "Christ. You look terrible."
"Answer me, what are you doing here?" he asked again, his voice raised now. "This was supposed to end when you found a suitor."
"Our arrangement will only end once my list is complete and my list is not done yet. You still owe me some lessons," Cecilia shot back, immediately shocking him into silence. "Besides I am not here because of the list and I am glad I came. Now stay still while I tend to your injuries."
She stepped out of his study once she had settled him comfortably on the sofa, leaving him to his confused thoughts. He hadn't wanted to see her because it was her fault that he had allowed himself get so injured, yet his heart soared with joy at the sight of her.
She returned quickly with a bowl of water, kneeling on the floor, she pressed water out of the cloth and used it to clean his wounds.
Theo sighed at the feel of the damp cloth on his skin, enjoying the combination of the coolness of the cloth and her touch.
"You have so many scars. Who did this to you?" she asked softly, prompting him to open his eyes and look at her. "These are not all fresh wounds, Your Grace. Have… have they been here all this time? Is this why you have never bared yourself to me?"
She was staring at his skin as she cleaned it, her eyes shining with unshed tears.
"You have so many questions, little mouse, and I can hardly answer them all seeing as you ordered me to be silent," he joked.
His words caused her to laugh with tears in her eyes but she shook her head.
"If you're still able to joke then it means you will live," she mused.
"Indeed. So there is no need to pity me, love," he told her. "I did this to myself and I don't regret it."
"Why?" she gasped " How?"
"Bare-knuckled boxing," he said wryly. "It is the only form of entertainment that keeps me sane."
When she still stared at him with a frown of confusion, he continued.
"You complain that Magnus deals with his demons by being overly controlling, but it is his way of keeping control over the world that he has seen fall to pieces outside of his control, several times over. I know it made your life growing up a tad bit difficult, but it protected you from the dangers that you are better of not knowing about. Perhaps it would have been better if I had someone to protect like he did, instead I decided to embrace the darkness. It is much braver than running, don't you think so?"
She sniffed and wiped at her eyes with the back of her hands as she focused on her work.
"Surely there are safer ways to deal with your demons," she told him with a stern look. "This… you need a proper doctor. I can't even see an inch of skin that isn't purple or bleeding."
"I have tried safer hobbies, little mouse, but there's only so much a man can do. Drinking and carousing helped at first, but the demons that haunt me are insistent, they demanded something more. One night, as I wandered home after a night of drinking, I came across some men fighting in a ring in the street. The type of boxing they practiced did not follow the rules of nobility. It was rough, lawless and only the strongest and most uncouth would win. Even with the danger I felt at ease. This was what I was used to. After all, the wars I fought played by no laid rules, other than the rule that you had to survive by all means necessary.
"I was right, it was a perfect fit for me. I did not demand their prizes. I had no need for them, the numbness that a good fight brought was enough. Boxing at night, pushing my body to itslimits, pushing myself to exhaustion was the only way to silence my overactive mind and embrace sleep. I know that the outside world thinks that I am the most lighthearted of my friends, but they know nothing. But then I have always known that our society only cared for appearances, so playing the foolish rake was the perfect cover. So perfect that no one suspects just how damaged I am. Perhaps I am the most damaged of all my friends. You would do well to avoid me. I would not want my darkness to corrupt your innocence. I crave your innocence like a drug, but that is what you should never surrender to me, pet. If you do, we would both be lost."
"You might be anything, Your Grace," Cecilia replied cupping his jaw so that he had no other choice than to look into the compassionate depths of her eyes. "But you are definitely not foolish. Everyone wears mask, even including me. You know me well enough to know that I am not as innocent as everyone thinks I am. You have endured much and no one had the right to question how you manage your pain. I care about you, Theo. I do not want to see you in pain. I just need you to work with me to fight the demons that haunt you, without punishing your beautiful body." she said, a single tear dropping down her cheeks.
Before he could stop himself, he reached out to wipe off the tear, caressing her cheek in consolation. He knew the perfect way to dismiss his demons once and for all.
He just had to have her by his side. In her presence, his demons had no power.
The question remained whether he was selfish enough to hold on to her or strong enough to let her go.
CHAPTER 19
"Ido not do this because I want to harm myself, Cecilia. You must understand that I carry wounds that I find hard to ignore," Theo told her with a dark look.
"What wounds?" Cecilia asked.
Since she had realized he would answer her questions, she would get him to speak. Perhaps in talking about them, he would find the healing he sought.
"I was never meant to be Duke of Emerton," he said. "I had an older brother. Matthew. He was perfect in all ways, at least when my father was present."
His laugh was humorless and dark and she stilled her hands, setting them in her lap to listen to him. He had a distant look on his face as though he was reliving the days he was speaking of.
