Page 109 of Scarlet Vows
“He likes you, Max. Look at that.”
I pet Albert and continue.
“Max, I like this guy. I do. And I’m sorry. I still love you, but you’re not here, and I am, and… I think… I think I’m falling for him. Is that okay?”
Albert barks once more, one eye open and on me, all liquid love.
“I never, ever thought that I’d be able to move on. Not after such a devastating loss. You were my world. But I’ve found something with him. And it’s special. I’ve been fighting it because it feels like I did with you. And that makes it feel like betrayal.”
“But, Max, I’m worried that because it’s so special, like we were, that I’ll never find it again if I let it go. I don’t think you get that blessing a third time if you screw up something like this. Do you?”
I shake my head. “Not when it’s something like how I feel about you.”
I stare at his carved name, my heart breaking again. “I miss you so fucking much. But I know if you could actually talk to me, you’d tell me to go for it, that you want me to not settle but find something like we had. You’d want me to be happy. You’d want me to be happy, protected, and loved, all the things Ilya can give me.”
Albert barks once more and stretches out, offering me histummy. I scratch it, and he makes a small little sound of happiness.
“I think that’s you talking to me through Albert, isn’t it?”
He barks once more, and laughter flutters up inside me. Even as it does, I gulp down tears.
I think I’m finally at peace about moving on. And I think Max may be, too. Albert stays on the grave, watching me now as I stroke his tummy.
“Max, I can’t keep living in the past, wishing things were different. They can’t be. You’re not here. But I think Ilya’s my future. He offered to wait for me forever if he had to. And he respects me and my need for time. It makes me lo-love him more, strengthens my growing feelings. I’ve always loved him. I told you about that dumb crush I had when I was a girl, and you teased me for it.” I laugh. “But now that love’s changing into something deeper.”
Albert gets up, whines, and picks his way off the grave to stand by me. I nod. He’s right. Time to go. I get to my feet and gather my things, clipping on Albert’s leash once more.
“I have to go home, Max. But I’ll bring Albert back. Maybe…maybe not next week. Or the week after, but soon. I promise. Goodbye, Max.”
I blow him a kiss, and with the tears still falling, crisp and clear and clean, we walk back to the car.
Albert trots along.
“Would you like to visit Max again?”
He barks once.
“We will.”
But I don’t know when.
And I realize, that’s fine.
My phone rings, and I almost drop it when I see who’s calling.
Demyan. Like he’s radioactive, I press ignore, but it’s toolate, because the thought of my brother makes me consider something I haven’t given much thought to until now.
How the hell’s Demyan going to react if I get together with his best friend?
I don’t want to think about it.
As we drive back to Ilya’s mansion, I’m ready, even excited, to talk to him about our future and tell him about today.
Not all of it. Some of that’s private, between me, Max, and Albert. I’ll tell him I went to see Max to tell him about us, but that’s all. I know he’d understand everything I said to Max, but I don’t need to tell him every small detail.
When we arrive home, it’s clear it’s just me and the staff there. Disappointment crushes down. I go to ask Svetlana where Ilya is, but she hands me a note.
“He left this for you.”
