Page 36 of Unravelling: Aria & Crispin
She set the phone aside, lay back on the couch, and closed her eyes.
Another message buzzed almost immediately, but not from Lule.
I'm in the car. I saw the light come on. Can I come up?
She froze with indecision.
Her thumb hovered.
She wasn't ready for this conversation; she didn't have the strength. But would she ever?
But she typed:
Yes.
The knock sounded not five minutes later.
She didn't move to meet him. Just sat there on the edge of the couch, robe tied tight around her, the faint steam from the bath still rising from her skin. The edges of the robe gaped slightly and her feet were bare, but she didn't care.
The key turned in the lock and the door creaked open.
Crispin stepped in hesitantly.
He looked like he hadn't slept. His hair was a mess, shirt half-untucked under his coat. He closed the door gently behind him and stood in the entryway, as if unsure whether he had the right to move closer. For the first time in whatever their relationship was, she was the one holding all the power while he was the one unsteady on his feet.
His eyes searched her face, lingered on the shadows under her haggard eyes, her chapped lips, the way her work-worn hands were clenched on her knees. She looked at him like he was a story that had already ended.
"I didn't know about the announcement," he said in a rush. "I didn't tell her to say that. I never proposed. I never would have. It was a trap...some ridiculous move by Helga, and my mother just went along-"
"Stop," Aria said quietly, raising her hand.
He did immediately.
"In all these years..." she began, eyes on the floor, "have you ever once thought we could have a life together? Not just moments. But a life? A house? Children?"
Crispin faltered. His mouth opened, then closed. "There are things you don't know, Aria. Things that-"
She cut him off with a quiet shake of her head. "Do you remember that night you asked me if I was a virgin?" she asked after a beat of silence. Her voice was too calm. Crispin stilled, confused. "And I said I wasn't?"
He nodded slowly, his eyes searching hers. "Yes."
She looked away. "That wasn't the first time I had sex," she said. "But you were my first...lover."
His brows twitched, a faint ripple of movement as his confused mind tried to connect the dots. He had the look of a blind man stepping into a familiar room and realizing the furniture had been rearranged.
"Mami and Babi must be turning in their graves," she murmured, her voice almost detached. "I should've been married at sixteen. A mother by seventeen." She looked up at him, her eyes wet. Her face was wrecked from the memory.
He crossed the space between them in two strides, crouching before her. "Aria. Please. I need you to know...I didn't choose her. It was all a lie. I tried to protect us, but I didn't do it right. I should've stopped it before it got this far. I should've-"
"I think I need to tell you a few things," she interrupted softly, her voice not quite steady. "About why I am...like this."
Crispin blinked. "Like what?"
Her gaze didn't waver. "Foolish. Defeated." Her voice was barely above a whisper. Then she gave a soft, breathless laugh-one that held no humour. "That's what I am, isn't it?"
Crispin opened his mouth, but she stopped him with a small, tired shake of her head. "Don't," she said gently. "Let me get this out."
He stilled obediently. He knew instinctively that she had never spoken of this to anyone else.
