Page 46 of Unravelling: Aria & Crispin
There was a long pause.
"Do you want me to come over?" Lule asked quietly.
"No," Aria said. "I'm fine."
"That's a lie."
"I know it's a lie, but I will be."
Lule's voice softened to a murmur. "You know you can live with me, don't you?"
Aria stared at the ceiling.
For the first time, she just wanted someone else to take care of her for a change.
But her mouth did not form the 'yes' she was desperate to utter.
She took a deep breath, held it for a moment, and then let it out in a slow exhale. When her voice finally came, it was low and raw.
"I might just have to, Lule," she whispered. "I might have to lean on you for a bit. At this rate, I don't think I can make rent."
Another pause. Another sighing breath, deeper this time.
"I'm pregnant."
There was silence on the line, thick and heavy.
Aria closed her eyes, listening to her heart thunder in her ears. In the background, she could still hear the muffled hum of Rahul singing something tuneless.
Then, softly, brokenly, Lule said, "Oh, Aria."
Chapter 26
Crispin
Crispin had always been overzealous about contraception.
After their first time together-tender and clumsy, trembling with all the emotion neither of them had yet dared to name-he'd pulled away slightly in the days that followed. It was like he was taking a few steps back from a fire that might scorch him if he got too close.
"We should both run a full panel," he'd said, eyes steady, tone matter-of-factly. "Just to be sure."
She'd nodded. It was the sensible thing to do. He'd gone to some expensive private clinic in Marylebone. She'd visited her GP, taken the appointment between shifts, waiting in a sterile-smelling waiting room with chipped posters about safe sex and overdue vaccinations. An elderly couple sat across from her-the man with a long white beard and the woman in a neat headscarf, her hands folded over a handbag. They didn't speak, but their eyes moved quietly around the room. Aria kept her gaze down, thumbing the hem of her sleeve.
She couldn't stop wondering if they had guessed. Were they judging her?
By the time her name was called, her palms were damp.
Mentioning what she wanted felt awkward. Her mouth went dry. She tried to say it clinically, like it was just another formality, but she could feel her face heating as the words left her. The nurse didn't blink. Just nodded, typed something, and asked if she'd had unprotected sex recently.
Aria shook her head. When the nurse had asked if she wanted a prescription for the pill, she'd said yes. The nurse had nodded, printed off the script, and handed it over with a half-smile. "It can take a couple of weeks to be fully effective," she said. "Use condoms until then, just to be safe."
Aria had nodded.
She'd picked up the packet on her way to work, squeezed the foil into the back of her bag, and swallowed the first pill before bed that night, just like she was supposed to.
She lasted two weeks on it.
The nausea was unbearable. Her breasts ached. Her moods swung like loose wiring. She couldn't sleep, couldn't function. There had been no sex during that period.
