Page 72 of Lethal Devotion
“Fuck, Sienna?—”
“Don’t you dare go after him.” She laughs, wiping at the corner of one eye. “I don’t need that on my conscience, after everything. I don’t want to think about it anymore, honestly… I don’t, usually, except for now because… well, I thought you should know. After.”
I take a deep, slow breath and exhale, trying to control the riot of emotion in my chest. “What did you do?”
She laughs shortly. “I dropped out. Worked as much as I could waitressing until I was nearly ready to have the baby, saved up as much as I could. I had a side job as a cocktail girl for the first few months, until I started to show, and they said they couldn’t have that. I went back to work almost immediately after Adam was born. And then I started leaking one day at work—” She touches her breast, and for once, I’m not wildly aroused. All I can think about is how much she’s been through, how no one, not one person, has taken care of her until now.
It makes me want to fucking take care of her forever.
And that terrifies me.
“They fired me. Which, technically, is illegal—just like the first job firing me for being too visibly pregnant was. But what was I going to do? Sue them?” She rolls her eyes. “I needed all my money just to keep Adam and me with a roof over our heads. I saw an advertisement for theHibiscushiring, and I went. And when Doug said that all the girls did side gigs, and that I needed to shoot some video and do cam work, I went along with it.” She bites her lip, looking at me as ifshe thinks I’ll judge her. “I needed the money. And it was good money.”
“You didn’t give him up.” It’s an observation, nothing more, but I see a flash of guilt in Sienna’s eyes. I recognize it; it’s an emotion that I’m getting more and more acquainted with, lately.
“No.” She chews on her lower lip. “I should have, probably. He might have had a better family. People more able to take care of him. But I was lonely, and I just… I didn’t want to.” She gives a tiny shrug, looking at me with a lopsided, guilty smile. “There was no one to tell me what to do. I got pregnant, and I wanted to keep him. So I did. I guess it felt like… a decision I could make for myself. Whatever came of it. Even if he might have been better off?—”
“He wouldn’t have been,” I say sharply, cutting her off. “Don’t say that, Sienna. You’re a wonderful mother.”
Her flush deepens, and she looks startled.
“That kid adores you,” I continue, somehow unable to stop now that I’ve gotten started. “And he should. You’ve sacrificed everything for him. You've worked jobs you hated, lived in places that weren't safe, done whatever it took to keep him fed and clothed and loved. Don't you ever question whether you made the right choice."
Sienna swallows hard. "But now he's in danger because of me. Because of the choices I made."
"He's in danger because there are evil people in this world who prey on the innocent. That's not your fault." I shake my head sharply. “Don’t blame yourself.”
"If I hadn't been working at that club?—"
"Then you would have been somewhere else, and something else bad might have happened. You can't blame yourself for other people's cruelty."
She nods, wiping at the corner of her eye again. Something tugs at my chest, pulling me to her, to comfort her, but I don’t go. I don’t know how to be a comfort to someone, how to be anything but brutal and cruel. I could kill someone for her, but I’m not sure how to take away her hurt. And I’m afraid of what I’ll do if I touch her, of how much I still want her, even now. Of losing control.
"You're a good mother," I tell her instead. "The best mother that boy could ask for. I've seen how you are with him, how patient and loving and fierce. He's lucky to have you."
Sienna gives me a small, watery smile. “Thank you,” she says softly. “You sound like you believe it.”
“I do,” I promise her. “I’m just telling you what you should already know.”
She lets out a sigh, rocking forward as she brushes her bare feet along the carpet. After a long moment, she looks up at me again, her green eyes soft. "Thank you for protecting me tonight. For making sure they didn’t hurt me."
My chest tightens. "I didn't do enough. I let them take you in the first place."
She shakes her head. “Now I’m just tellingyouwhat you should already know.” She stands up, taking a step toward me, but stops again, standing at the corner of the bed. “As soon as you could, you fought for me. You did everything in your power to keep me safe, and I'm still here. I'm still alive." She holds my gaze, something intense in hers. "And the only man who touched me tonight was you."
The words tear through me, guilt flooding me at the same time as my cock twitches and starts to swell at the memory of how I touched her. “I never should have. Not like that, not in front of them."
“The way it happened was awful,” she agrees softly. Her throat moves as she swallows, a flush creeping up her throat, down her chest to meet the lace at the edge of her tank top, flushing her cheeks.God, I want to see her body flush for me like that again, to feel her come for me on my fingers, my tongue, on my…
“But, Damian…” She hesitates, her voice suddenly trembling, nervous. “I…I liked how you felt inside of me.”
Fucking Christ.My body responds instantly to her words, blood rushing south so fast it makes me dizzy. My cock is rock hard in an instant, those words on my sweet wife’s tongue making me ache for her so badly that it hurts.
“Tonight was only the second time,” she repeats, her voice getting stronger, more confident, as if she’s gearing up to saysomething that she’s been thinking about. “And the first time… it wasn’t good. I didn’t know what I was feeling, or if I even liked it. He definitely wasn’t as big as you.” Her gaze flicks down to my groin, where I know she can see the thick ridge of my cock, standing out in sharp relief as it strains against the fabric of my pants. “It didn’t feel like you did. And I never found anyone else I wanted to be with, until…”
“Sienna.” My voice sounds strangled. “Stop.”
She shakes her head sharply. “No, Damian. Listen. Tonight, even with everything that was happening, even with them watching us... it felt good. You felt good. You made me feel things I didn't know I could feel." She swallows hard. “I was terrified, but… you being there, it beingyou… that made it feel like I could survive it.”
