Page 3 of Malicious Marriage
Get it together Clover, for fuck’s sake. This is what you wanted.
“Would you believe me if I said this happens all the time?” I hurriedly wipe at my eyes once more and wrestle down the urge to give in to the tears and sob.
“Depends,” Dean replies. “Tell me why you’re crying and I will tell you if I believe you.”
2
CLOVER
Honesty is the best policy, right?
“Don’t laugh…” I sniffle into the wet tissues. “But do you ever suddenly feel so entirely alone in a room full of people that it’s like you can’t breathe? Like everyone perceives you at the same time while also not seeing you at all? Does that make sense?”
Not themainreason I’m crying, but somehow, admitting that I fear the great Dean Savoy will have me taken out back and shot for trespassing doesn’t feel like the smartest thing to say.
Dean huffs out a soft laugh and nods. “I think I know exactly what you mean.”
“Really?” It’s hard to keep the surprise from my voice, especially when I was just trying to put myout-of-placefeelings into words.
“Yup. Although if you feel this way here, are you telling me I’ve thrown a bad party?” His smile is teasing and his eyes light, so it’s difficult not to smile in return.
“No,” I reply hoarsely, then softly clear my throat. “Given how often it happens, it’s definitely me and not the party.”
“Noted. Finding a beautiful woman crying in my office is not a sign of a bad party.”
It’s lucky my face is already buried in the tissues to hide my sniffle when he says that because my breath catches in the back of my throat and I explode into a flurry of short, sharp coughs.
It’s made worse when Dean’s warm hand lands on my knee. His warmth sears straight through the fabric of my dress to the point that it almost burns.
“Do you need some water?” Dean asks, concern dripping from his tone.
“No,” I gasp as my cheeks light up with the burning fires of embarrassment. “I’m fine. I’m fine. Just air.”
“Ahh,” Dean chuckles softly. “Our greatest necessity and yet the sneakiest enemy.”
“Right?” Now my eyes water for a completely different reason. Luckily, I have an entire box of tissues to get through. “Sorry.”
“What did I say about apologizing?”
“True. So, do you believe me?”
“Not quite. You haven’t told mewhythis happens all the time so I’m still inclined to believe I hold the cause.”
“It’s crowds,” I say honestly. “Being who I am and knowing the weight my name carries because of those who came before me. Seeing people look at me and knowing they don’t see the real me, they see the version of me that I’ve put out coupled with what they’ve created in their own heads. It’s like ten different versions of me exist in the eyes of ten different people and none of them are me. So it gets… intense, and then I take a break in what I presume to be non-occupied offices.” I trail off and finally look Dean in his gorgeous blue eyes. “Until now.”
Dean nods slowly, and a strand of hair falling forward from his hairline catches my attention. It drifts in a slow arc acrosshis forehead, kissing his skin until he lifts his hand and pushes it back into place.
“Believe it or not,” he replies gently, “I understand. Why do you think I left my office unlocked?”
“You’re hiding too?” I ask, trying to keep my focus on his hairline and not the burning hand still resting on my knee.
“Hiding isn’t the word I’d use,” he says with another brief, soft smile. “Taking a moment to adjust my center.”
“Little pretentious,” I say without thinking, then my hand flies to my mouth as a pulse of shameful heat rushes through me. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean that.”
To my immense relief, Dean laughs and leans back while finally removing his touch from my knee. “No, you’re right. How often we’re trained and taught to say things a certain way so that nothing exudes weakness. Far be it for me to fall into the trap of a regular conversation.”
“They say words make wars.” The wet tissues ball up in my left hand, and I pick up one more dry one to finally dry my cheeks now that the tears are no longer building. “A regular conversation could topple cities.”
