Page 64 of In Death's Hands
His name is one of the few things they’ve managed to get out of him. It only took one broken finger for that piece of information—a black finger, I noticed, recalling Nathan’s explanation of that distinct, still weird as fuck trait. The rest hasn’t come so cheap. No, knowing that the brotherhood’s sole purpose is to protect the Fates and the Order cost two broken ribs. And for the low, low price of a shattered kneecap, the man explained exactly how dead I should be.
But that’s it. That’s everything Thalnus and Nathan have managed to learn in the hours we’ve been standing here. The brother looks at me, his breath rasping as he shakes his head. “You’re defending your doom,” Nathan snarls, earning a pitying glance from the bleeding man, who seethes, “Youshould know better.” The tension in the room skyrockets as rage ebbs from Nathan.
Surely, if Death decided to save me all those years ago, it was for a reason. SurelyDeathcan’t be in the wrong here. Right? We believed that if the Order wanted me dead, then I would be, but in the face of this man’s certainty, my hope wavers. If the brothers truly protect this Order, they would know, and if they deem me a threat… Who is right here? Dead or alive, which is my destiny?
“Howdoes she threaten the Order?” Thalnus asks, wholly ignoring Nathan’s glare.
When his shadow doesn’t move to provide Fenrick an incentive to talk, Atys takes a step forward, tightening his grip around a sleek blade I haven’t noticed before. But Fenrick is apparently tired of paying with blood, because he says, panting,“A mortal with no threads is an insult to the Fates. She shouldn’tbe.”
“Is that why you’ve been trying to kill me for so long?” Everyone turns my way, but my eyes are solely focused on the brother claiming my death is needed to protect the world. A man who now looks at me, confused.
“We only learned of your location recently.”
“How recently?” barks Nathan.
Slowly, the man turns to my friend. “Around the same time you found her again.”
Shock is like an icy hand at my throat. Found meagain? What does he mean? But something else nudges at my thoughts, interrupting all others. “You mean you’ve only been after me for the last six months?” That’s when I first saw Nathan at The Muddied Waters. That’s when my stupid crush formed on this handsome customer who was so different from all the others. So captivating.
“Yes.” Fenrick nods as he observes me, then Nathan. But then his eyes widen. “You mean you’ve been pushed to death before?”
“Don’t—” starts Nathan, but I’m already nodding.
Brother Fenrick’s shoulders shake as a wild laugh bellows around me, echoing deep inside me and ravaging everything it slithers against. He’s cut off by a shadow fist that connects angrily with his jaw. He coughs up blood, lowering his sweaty brow to the tiles, but his mirth is undeniable as he pins me with his stare. “We should have known,” he whispers. “We should have known the Order would work to fix itself.” He shakes, fighting another cough. “It wasn’t us, girl. The world has been trying to get rid of you all on its own.”
I fall. On my knees. In despair. In a swirling pit of unending horror. “Liv!” I hear distantly. But it’s his laugh that rings in my head. ThereliefI see on the face of a man who is bleeding and broken on the floor is my undoing. I am a lost cause. I thought finding this man would give me answers as to why I’ve been skirting death my whole life. And I found answers, they just aren’t the ones I was hoping for.
Ishouldbe dead. This is the answer. These men have only learned about me recently; all the accidents before them were simply fate trying to correct itself. They were not the villains of the story, they were the knights in shining armour hunting the monster. Hunting me. Brother Fenrick is but a martyr whose glory will be sung. His story revered and praised as one who gave his life to kill the abomination.
A sob escapes my lips. The dam finally breaking.
I hear Nathan’s bellow of rage, but the crack in my heart is louder. I’m not sure what happens next. I almost wish I’d faint again. I’m good at it, after all, and the oblivion it offers would be a sweet relief. Maybe that’s why it doesn’t come. I don’t deserve it.
My shoulders shake and a drop falls and splashes on a marble tile. In it I catch a glimpse of light quickly covered by darkness. A shadow hand appears before my eyes, outreached. Waiting patiently for me to look up. When I do, I meet pits of swirling black. I wonder if it sees. If it feels. It seems distinct from Nathan as the flesh-and-blood version of him still stands in front of our prisoner, his back to me. I put my trembling hand in its shadow one, the warmth surprising. There’s a gentle tug, encouraging me to get back on my feet. And the slight pressure on my hand has me swallowing back my tears. It is comfort and strength wrapped in shadowy fingers. A reminder that I’m not alone, and I can face this. Iwillface this. I give it a small smile,all I can manage right now, and swear its eyes brighten for a heartbeat. I expect it to go back to its gruesome duties, but it moves to stand by my side. Turan grabs one hand, and it holds the other. Two unlikely friends in the chaos that has become my life. I find myself so grateful for them that my knees threaten to buckle once more. But with their hold on me, I find my strength again.
I look around to find too many eyes on me. Thalnus shows an impassive face while Atys, at his side, keeps looking between Nathan, me and Fenrick. His face is similar to what mine would be if you asked me to solve an equation. There are a few guards, many trying to pretend they’re not gawking at me but instead looking straight ahead as their duty seems to demand. The only pair of eyes that I don’t feel on my skin is the only one I want. Nathan is still fixated on a broken man kneeling in front of him. Rage and violence simmer off his broad shoulders. I still don’t understand why he feels so strongly for my plight. Isn’t he breaking all kinds of rules by keeping me alive when all signs point to me needing to be very dead?
I pause. All signs but one, I remember.
“I’m not dead,” I say, cutting off Thalnus’ latest question to the bleeding brother.
Everyone, and I do meaneveryone, turns to me this time. I glimpse Nathan’s approval before I focus on Fenrick, taking pleasure in his annoyed frown.
“Clearly,” he says, his voice raspy from all the yelling.
I take a step forward. “No, but that’s it. Don’t you see?” No one seems to actually get it, I realise as I meet raised eyebrows from all directions. “I’mnotdead. If the Order would rectify itself by killing me, whyaren’tI dead? It doesn’t make sense.” I ignore Nathan’s growl as I fight to get that fire in me roaringagain. Turan and Nathan’s shadow still hold my hands but don’t move with me, letting me fight my own battle, it seems.
“Heinterfered.” Fenrick nods to Nathan.
“But he works for Death. Who saved me. Surely Death knows what it’s doing, no?”
Fenrick looks to Nathan, and an incredulous laugh makes its way past his split lips. My friend takes one step towards him and the man quiets. “One would think so,” he replies, spitting blood on the white floor. “But a lot has clearly gone wrong. And you said you’ve faced your death before us, so the Order is working to fix itself.”
“But why is it failing?” I insist, painfully dragging everyone to my point. “If the Order is this super-powerful universe-thing, and the Fates have planned all this, why am I right here, right now?” How come a simple human has managed to overcome something so big and powerful? “Wouldn’t they have planned this too?”
Brother Fenrick looks sick suddenly, and I don’t think it’s from his injuries. “We…” He swallows. “We cannot be sure.”
“Why?” I insist.
