Page 47 of In Death's Hands
I try not to react to the lie told so smoothly. Too smoothly. Who knew he could lie that well? Has he lied tome?
“Fine, I accept your apology. It’s a pleasure to see you so involved again.”
“I needed time to learn.” Nathan’s voice seems strained, but the way Celestina smiles makes me think she hasn’t caught that.
“I give you free rein.” She makes a shooing motion with her hand before settling back on her throne. “Use her, capture one and come back to me for your reward.”
This time, I can’t keep my shudder in check at her seductive smile. This woman is their leader, and clearly wants to findout what happened to them. She should deserve a modicum of respect, but I somehow can’t shake my powerful dislike of her.
I jump slightly as I feel Nathan’s hand wrap around my forearm and drag me along carelessly as he quickly exits the room. Thalnus and Atys stay behind, both giving me unreadable looks before the door shuts between us. I feel immense relief at being out of that dreadful place and try to lower my pace to collapse on the floor and breathe for a bit. Nathan has other plans, it seems, as he continues to drag me so fast that I scramble to stay upright behind him. He finds a corner somewhere behind the immense staircase and puts my back against the wall, still clutching my forearm but more gently than before. The shadows rise at his back, forming an impenetrable wall that locks us in darkness.
His breathing is ragged, and I feel its force against my cheek.
“Are you okay?” I whisper.
I feel more than see him shake his head, still fighting to get his breath back into a normal rhythm. I place my hand on his chest to comfort him, but it’s rising and falling quickly and the stampede of his heart only makes mine match his own.
“Nathan?” His breathing is too loud. My free hand goes up to cup his cheek as I say, “Four breaths in. Hold for four.” I feel him shake. “Do it with me. Breathe in, one, two, three, four. Hold for one, two, three, four. Breathe out, one, two, three, four. Hold for one, two, three, four.” I hear him following my lead, and I repeat myself as I focus on the rise and fall of his chest. On the heartbeat that slowly, slowly quiets down. We stay like this for so long I start to forget there is a world beyond his shadows.
“I’m sorry,” he croaks after a while.
“What? Why?”
“I don’t—I didn’t—” I feel him do the breathing exercise once more before continuing, “I had to act that way. Cel and I have a strained history.”
“I gathered as much.” I want to ask more but I don’t think it’s the right time. Were they together? A hideous feeling rises, and I stomp on it quickly. If they were, it clearly didn’t end well.
“She does what she can for us. Without her, we’d have been lost.” The ugly feeling rises once more at his defending her but grows still when Nathan drops his forehead to mine, still working to breathe steadily. “Still, she’s not—” He swallows. “I cannot simply say I want to help you; I had to find the angle to work with her too. Me, using you… I don’t want—”
I cut him off. “It’s okay. I saw you beneath it.” He shudders in my arms.
Straightening to look into my eyes, he asks in a broken whisper, “You did?”
My heart breaks for him. I nod once, opening my mouth to tell him so, but he dives for it like he’s looking for salvation and can only find it between my lips. The scene happens in slow motion, and then all at once. My body stills at the shock of his lips on mine, the softness of them a sharp contrast to the pressure he exacts. My mind takes a minute to catch up, and then explodes under the sensations spreading like wildfire beneath my skin.
It is not a gentle kiss, but one born of desperation, of a cry for connection. Nathan’s need devours me whole, and I am all too happy to let it. His lips on mine are brutally efficient. Licking and biting, he kisses like I’d imagine a warrior fights. Unrelenting. His hands find their way on me, one on my hip and the other cradling my cheek. He takes a step closer, letting the heat of his body stroke mine, and angles my head upward to part my lips and give him access to more of me. He growls atmy pliancy, the sound echoing in me. When his tongue touches mine, I whimper, and grab hold of his forearms as he lays waste to my soul.
I’m at the centre of his storm, feeling the shadows around us whipping my hair this way and that, whistling in my ears. There’s a sharp edge to those shadows, one that grabs hold of my reason and reminds me to breathe. To think. Still kissing him, answering each jab of his tongue and allowing mine to dance with his, I put my hand on his heart, its rhythm still erratic, and let my thumb drag gently back and forth in a soothing gesture.
There’s a pause in the storm, a shudder running through his body, and I feel his attention slip. His kiss turns softer, kinder. His punishing hold softens too, his hands now cradling me. His tongue retreats, and he pecks my lips once, twice, before taking a step back.
I tighten my hold on him, afraid to be left standing in the swirling shadows on my own. But he doesn’t let go of me. His hands lower only to grab mine, and there we stand for a long time, looking at each other as the storm and our breaths quiet.
When everything is still, he squeezes my hands once and lets them go. I shut out the breaking sound echoing through my heart.
He clears his throat and says, “I’m sorry.”
I close my eyes, refusing to accept his words. Choosing for them to be about his actions with Cel earlier rather than what just transpired between us. And so, I pick up where our conversation left off. “I said it’s fine,” I answer, but there’s bite in my tone, proving I am not entirely successful at convincing myself of his meaning. “Although it would have been nice to be more prepared for this meeting.”
He stills, then shakes his head. “You couldn’t know too much; she’d have seen through it. You need to be a tool for us to use in her name. I’m so sorry.”
“It’s okay. Well, it’s not, really, but I understand why you did it.”
In the darkness, I see Nathan’s hand move up, but he stops before it can reach me. He stays silent for a while longer and I start shivering. Whether from the shock of the meeting or the loss of his heat, I don’t really care to know.
His shadows vanish and I blink at the sudden light showering us. My eyes rove over him, the pain in his eyes, the tightness in his body. His hands fisted at his sides. “You’re not a tool.”
“I know.”
