Page 54 of In Death's Hands
I’m still reeling, reassessing my previous beliefs, when he pushes a full glass to me and drinks from his own before raising his eyebrows and saying, “Gods?”
I sigh, accepting the drink despite feeling unnerved at the quiet, the peace between us. “I didn’t know what to tell her.”
He snorts—a sound I never thought I’d hear from the man. “Clearly.”
“And what the fuck should I have told her? The truth?” When he looks at me pointedly, I scoff. “Please.”
“How can you get a human involved and tell her nothing?”
“I told her what she needs to know.”
“What she needs is to be safe, and I don’t see how that’s possible when she doesn’t even know the truth about you.”
I sit there, utterly shocked and useless, as usual. I guess Liv has worked her magic on him just like she did on me. I don’t understand it. From the very first moment I gazed into her eyes, a piece of me was lost. That’s the only explanation I can find for every crazy decision I have taken since.
I swallow the knot in my throat and look at him, surprised to see more understanding in his eyes than I’d ever want to.
“Do you think she’s the one who—”
“Unlocked those memories?” I finish. “I don’t know. I don’t think she could have.” I clench my teeth. What we saw there… it changes everything. Not only do we now know for certain that the Novensiles have been fighting us since even before we lostour memories, but they must have had help from one of us to take us to that damned cave.
I sit back in the armchair, trying to loosen each of my muscles. An impossible task. I don’t deserve to be relaxed anyway. Not after what I did to those poor souls. Not after what I did to Liv, not having learned my lesson all those years ago, it seems.
“I can feel your self-deprecation from here.”
I jerk at Thalnus’ words, my hands tightening around my glass. “I thought you of all people would appreciate that.”
The man doesn’t take the bait, but simply looks at me. I’m at an utter loss as to what to do with this version of him. Ever since we woke up, ever since he beat me to a pulp after finding out what I did, I have felt his hatred for me. I took it on as my own, knowing it was well deserved. And I grew resentful. I see that now. I’m envious of how carefree Atys is with Liv. They have more freedom than I ever did. I am a slave to Death, as I always was. Always will be. I deserve nothing more.
“I never blamed you, you know.”
I scoff. “You certainly did.”
“No. I didn’t.” I lower my gaze, unable to meet his. “You have a harder task than most, and you had to face harder consequences than others. You learned from it, though. I see that now.”
Clearing my throat, trying to hide the emotions gathering there at his words, I ask, “Did I?”
“Did you what, brother?” Turan’s bright voice interrupts, and I stifle my sigh of relief.
She comes in like a breath of fresh air, as always, taking possession of the room in one colourful swoop. Her flowing bright yellow dress twirls in her path as she closes the doorbehind her and comes to sit at my side. She has more elegance in her little finger than I’ll ever have in my whole body.
“Turan,” greets Thalnus warmly, already preparing a glass for her.
She actually gets along well with these guys. With everyone, really, even me. And it hits me suddenly. How alone I am. In my never-ending task. In my life. What life? I ask myself before quickly shedding the thoughts, knowing there is no point in going down that road. I gave up a long time ago. And I know they think me strange and a recluse, but they don’t see what I see every day. They don’t feel what I feel, being the last barrier between life and death.
It’s been so nice, being around Liv these last few days. The fear for her safety overshadows everything but my relief to be among the living for once. I still tend to my duties, of course, but it doesn’t feel like it’s my entire world anymore. It’s like she’s my very own silver lining, and that’s a thought scarier than any other. Especially when, as Thalnus acutely pointed out, I’ve been lying to her.
“It warms my little heart that so many members of foreign Crowns deign to grace my doorstep today,” drawls Thalnus, swirling the liquid in his glass.
Turan turns to him to bat her eyelashes. That minx. Worst thing is, it actually works. Thalnus’ eyes darken as they take her in, and a devious smile stretches his lips. When I see her licking her lips, I wish I could turn blind or find a way to scrub my memory. If we discover what caused the first memory loss, maybe I can make another, smaller one happen just for this moment.
“Will you help, then?” I ask, trying to get back to the reason for our little gathering.
“I’m here for support, obviously,” says Turan. “Veltha agreed to let me represent Roots.”
Thalnus turns to me with a devious look, and I know I won’t like what he’s about to say. “And who will speak for the Unseen Crown?”
“You know damn well I’m the spokesperson.”
