Page 29 of In Death's Hands
Nathan is the one to drive the point forward, to take away the last flicker of normalcy I felt in my life. “Gods.”
Gods. Sure, that makes sense. As much as me swearing a life of chastity in a convent somewhere far away.
But… “I thought you didn’t know what you were.” They share a look. “That’s what you said.”
“It’s more complicated than that,” says Turan.
“Then explain!” I’m really getting tired of their half-truths and careful words.
Again they share a look that has my temper rising. “I’m already in this shit! So you better start being honest with me, or I’m walking and taking my chances with whatever wants to kill me next!”
Oh. Nathan doesnotlike that.
Good.
I don’t particularly enjoy feeling left out either, no matter how much practice I have.
Getting way too close to me for comfort, he hisses, “If we could tell you more, wewould.”
“That doesn’t even make sense!”
“We told you the truth. We don’t know shit. The few things wedoknow are based on intrinsic knowledge, instincts stronger than your need to breathe, Liv.” His own breathing turns ragged as his eyes search mine. For what, I don’t know. “We woke up, lost and confused, empty of anything but those instincts. It tookdecadesfor us to find a semblance of normalcy. A normalcy thatis unique to us, because no one on this Earth can do what we do. Because no one on thisfuckingplanet is bound the way we are!”
We stare at each other across a land ravaged by his angst. The only sound is his heavy breathing.
“Bound by what?”
He closes his eyes and turns from me. “Bound to you. Bound to our roles and what humanity needs from us.”
“What does that entail, exactly?”
Still not looking my way, he says, “Right now, it means we have to figure out what is happening to you.”
I turn to Turan for more insight, but she’s looking worriedly at Nathan.
“Aren’t gods supposed to… I don’t know, do whatever they want?”
Nathan’s bitter laugh makes my insides twist. But it’s Turan that softly explains, “You should forget everything you think you know about gods. Your mythology and legends got very few things right.”
“Well, they did get the part where you actually exist right. And how many of you are there, exactly? And what do you do?” So many questions. I have so many questions. “Where did you even come from? Were you born with the Earth? Did youcreatethe Earth?”
“Easy, girl,” says Turan, but I can only look at Nathan’s back rippling with tension. To him, she says, “You’ve started down this path, you might as well tell her the rest.”
A big sigh leaves his body as he finally turns back to me. The lost look he gives me, the pain and guilt and self-loathing in his dark eyes, is enough to take my breath away. “There are dozens of us,” he says, voice rumbling. “We each have our own sets of skills and purpose. As for the rest, we cannot tell you.”
I take a big breath, my stance widening as I prepare to rip into him, but before any words can slip through my lips, he shakes his head. “Wecannottell you, Liv. Not because we don’t want to, but because we don’t know the answers to your questions.”
I still. “How can you not know?”
“That is yet another good question,” he says tightly.
Blowing out a breath, Turan says from her spot on the couch, “We all have theories, some more plausible than others.” She looks pointedly at Nathan. “But the simple truth is that quite some time ago, we all woke up in the same place, deep beneath the Earth, unable to remember a single thing apart from our names and roles in the Order.”
“And you then decided you were gods?” I don’t think I’ve been sceptical enough of this whole thing.
“Oh, honey…” laughs Turan.
I narrow my eyes at her, but anything I could have said just dies in my throat. A faint glow starts to shimmer over her skin, strangely warming me from the inside out. Her green eyes darken slightly, looking more like the forest after dark rather than an early-spring field. Her hair moves on an invisible wind, a wind that somehow manages to steal my breath. A stronger warmth ignites within my chest, so intense it’s almost painful.
