Page 18 of The Forbidden Summer
There’s a flicker in his eyes as he says that, and I realize he’s not just talking about the past, about the things I’ve tried toshelter him from. He’s talking aboutnow. About this. About the way we’ve circled each other, avoiding the inevitable.
He reaches for the edge of my chair, fingers brushing against the wood, and for a moment, I wonder if he’s going to touch me, but he stops short.
“I want to stop hiding,” he says, his voice barely above a whisper. “I want to stop pretending there isn’t something here.”
My breath catches in my throat. I want to say something, anything, but my mind goes blank. The words are there, just on the tip of my tongue, but I can’t bring myself to speak them. I’ve been afraid to admit what’s been growing between us, this pull that’s only gotten stronger as the years have passed.
But now... now that the floodgates are open, now that the serenity has been shattered, I can’t ignore it. I can’t pretend anymore.
And apparently, neither can Van.
“I don’t know if I’m ready for this,” I confess, my voice thick with uncertainty. “Forus. But I can’t keep pretending it’s not there.”
Van’s eyes search mine as if he’s waiting for me to say more. Waiting for me to give him permission, or maybe just to admit what we both already know.
“I’m not asking you to be ready,” he says quietly. “I’m asking you to trust me. To let me show you... what this could be.”
A shiver runs down my spine despite the summer warmth. His hand moves slightly closer to mine, and I feel it, like the space between us is narrowing, inch by inch. I want to pull away, to hold back, to stay safe in the familiar distance we’ve kept for so long. But something inside me, something deep and undeniable, pushes me forward.
“I do trust you,” I whisper.I do.And when I say it, I know it’s true.
Van’s breath hitches slightly, and for a brief second, I wonder if he’s going to close the gap between us. But he doesn’t. Instead, he nods, his gaze never leaving mine.
“I’m not asking you to rush into anything,” he murmurs. “I just want to stop pretending like we don’t both know what’s been simmering between us.” Van swallows, his eyes searching my face, like he’s desperately looking for a sign of hope. “It’s exhausting, and it feels lonely, living with all these feelings I can’t express.”
I exhale a shaky breath, my chest tight, and I know—I know—that we’re standing on the edge of something huge. Something that could change everything. But I’m still unsure of what comes next.
Because hell can freeze over before I give in to his terribly reckless suggestion.
Van
Everything feels different now.
Every glance, every time he clears his throat or smiles, I’m left wondering if he's hiding something, now that I know what’s underneath, what’s been there all along.
I never saw it coming, not in a million years, that Père felt the same.
That he’s attracted to me.
That he’s falling inlovewith me.
And I’m so far gone for him, it’s like I’m blind toeverything else.
Maybe that’s the only rational explanation for my suggestion, something soirrational, it feels like I’ve lost my mind.
“Let me show you what this could be.”
We should be reading, curled up together on the couch, or nestled in the hammock under a sky full of stars. The kind of lazy, peaceful evening I’d imagined for us, where time slows down and the world outside doesn’t matter. But instead, Père’s avoiding me.
He’s tinkering in the kitchen, moving around the bedroom, even wandering into the bathroom like he’s got somewhere to be or something to fix. Every step he takes, every sound he makes, just feels like another reminder that something’s off.
His silence is deafening, and I wonder if I’ve just made the biggest mistake of my life.
It’s like we’re in different worlds now, even though we’re sharing the same space. I want to pull him close, make him look at me the way he used to, but every time I try, he slips further away.
“Père,” I venture as he slips quietly past me in the narrow hall.
He doesn’t stop. Doesn’t even look at me. He just keeps moving, like he didn’t hear me at all, and shuts the bedroom door with a soft but final thud. Shutting me out.
