Page 8 of Hot Doggin'
“Borrow it, not steal it. If you start telling everybody and their mother, it won't be my spot no more.”
He just shrugs like he doesn't care. “Whatever. Anyway, you gotta check it out. Amazing sunsets.”
My eyes roll back in my head.Idiot. Last time I tell him anything. The rest of the Bitches find their seats— Mandy, Nash, and Pharo.
Riggs glances around the circle. “All right guys, let’s get started. Brandt, kick us off.”
“All right, well, I went to the doctor this week, and I got pretty good news. My hearing loss hasn’t gotten worse. I’m sure it will, but for now, it’s holding steady.”
Relief for my brother flows through me. A bomb blast—well, three, actually—took his hearing in one ear, and he’s down to thirty-five percent in the other.
“I’m also getting more comfortable using the hearing aid, except when West is around.”
West snickers. “What’d I do?”
“You know what you do,” he says, knocking West in the arm. “You pretend the TV is at max volume when it’s only at like ten, so I turn my hearing aid all the way up and then you raise the volume on the TV and fucking blast me out of my goddamn head.”
I hate to do it to Brandt, but I can’t help but laugh.
West goes next. “Anyway, I'm thrilled about his hearing. And I just can’t help fucking with him because I don’t want him to take it so seriously. It’s the same psychology he used on me about my damn leg. Remember when you painted the toenails of my prosthetic pink?” I remembered. I dared Brandt to do it. “Maybe I’ll get some nice earrings to dangle from your hearing aid.” He shoots Brandt a wink. “On a personal note, my buddy's wife sent some pictures of her new baby. It kills me, you know? If he hadn’t died….” West trails off, and he swipes the moisture from his eyes.
I can hear his emotions in his voice. My throat becomes thick and I think of Brandon, who I lost in service the day I got blasted out of my fuckin’ boots.
“He would have made such a great dad. God, I miss him.” He swipes his nose. “I miss all of them.” Brandt squeezes his thigh, and West gives him a grateful smile. “I’m okay. I promise. I just… I can’t imagine not being there to see my kid grow up.”
He waves his hand in front of his face, and I guess he’s done talking for now. Mandy picks up the slack. He looks like he’s struggling to find the right words. A range of emotions play across his face.
“Sometimes… people suck. Life sucks.”
We’re all here to share our honest feelings, the hard days where we don’t want to get out of bed, the flashbacks that haunt us, but Mandy is raising all kinds of red flags right now. The big guy is usually pretty positive, considering all that he’s been through.
“Some people, all they can see is my face, my scars, and some people don’t see me at all. Like, they purposely look away and avoid meeting my eyes because I make them uncomfortable. Sometimes, I hate feeling invisible, and sometimes, I wish I were actually invisible. If I’m out somewhere, walking in a crowd, I notice things. I notice the guy in front of me, or beside me, how no one ever looks twice at them. They don’t get stared at like a freak show. I’m not a fucking freak.” His voice breaks on the last word, and he pinches the bridge of his nose, conspicuously wiping the corners of his eyes dry. “When they look at me, they don’t see the man behind the scars. They don’t wonder how I got these scars, fighting for their fucking freedom, serving my country. They don’t know that I have a degree or that I can knit. They don’t care that I lost everything. All they see is that I have nothing now. Do they think I want to look like this? The only time I ever feel like myself is when I’m here with you guys.”
If he was going to say more, he doesn’t because he’s all choked up now. West crouches down in front of him, bracing his hands on Mandy’s knees.
“I don’t know whotheyare, but fuck them. You’re my best fucking friend, and I’m so grateful to even know you. You have no idea the impact you’ve made on my life.”
Nash, who’s sitting beside Mandy, wraps his arm around the big guy’s shoulders. “What he meant to say is that you’remybest friend, and you don’t know how many times you saved my ass. I can’t even measure all the goodness inside of you.”
Rhett, who’s seated next to me on Mandy’s right, adds, “Fuck them. You know you’re reallymybest friend, no matter what they both say. When I lost my mama, I realized I’d be okay ‘cause I still had you. Well, you and Riggs, and all the rest of these Bitches. I know it hurts, I know it feels lonely, even though you know you have all of us, and I think you’re so fucking badass for even admitting how you feel.”
He squeezes Mandy’s shoulder, and I’ve got to wipe my eyes dry. “We love you, Mandy,” I call out.
Riggs passes the torch to me, skipping Rhett while he’s busy consoling Mandy.
“I, uh, I changed the oil in McCormick’s bike.” What the fuck am I supposed to say after the last three Bitches made me cry? My week wasn’t very profound. “We tried that new Mexican restaurant on Forty-second and Belle. Uh, I think that’s it for me.”
“Jesus Christ,” Jax mutters.
“What? Sorry, my life isn’t falling apart,” I defend.
“McCormick?” Riggs prompts.
“Uh, I don’t know what to say. That place had really good salsa, though, didn’t it?”
“Hell yeah. We should go back.”
Mac bumps his fist against mine. “I got this new mustard from the store. It’s got wasabi in it. Totally changes my hot dog game.”
