Page 43 of Grave Kisses
“Yeah,” I say with a sweet smile. I pull back, and she wipes away her tears. “I’m not crazy. I promise.”
“I don’t know. You might be. She is,” Tim jokes. “We love you, Kendra.”
They leave before I can process if I should say that I love them. Do I? They seem nice. Like the parents I needed for all of those years. I toss myself in the bed and bury my face, not ready to get scolded by Jeff. A warm hand rubs my back, and I sigh as I relax.
“Kendra, can we talk?” Jeff asks. I roll to look at him, surprised that he is the one touching me. Am I okay with that? I think so. I trust him. He has a sad look on his face, but also a scared one.
“What?” I ask but then feel bad. “Wait, no. That sounded shitty. I’m sorry. I…”
“Listen,” he says softly, covering my hand with his.
“Okay,” I whisper. I can feel that Marcus and Bellamy are sitting in the bed behind me.
“I fucked up with your case. I have put you in danger when I was trying to protect you. I…”
“Say it,” Marcus says simply. When I see tears in Jeff’s eyes, I sit up and sit cross-legged to focus on him.
“Archer murdered my wife. Ex-wife. We were separated,” he says, and I slap my hands over my mouth. This poor man… “She sat in her house with the heat on in the Texas heat for a week… I tried to just work and find him. I was so afraid knowing he hurt someone would send you over the edge. I’m trying so hard to keep you safe, but…”
“I’m sorry you lost her,” I say quietly.
“Truthfully, I’m upset because I’ve known her for years. We weren’t in a good spot when she died. Maybe I’m not as upset as I should be, but… I’m trying to focus on the case, but I’moverwhelmed with keeping you safe. I fucked up, and I’m sorry. I declined to hand the case over to someone else, but…”
“What? No. You can’t hand it off. Who else am I going to tease?” I ask, making him smirk and shake his head at me. “Jeff, I’m a bitch. Okay? I was a bitch to you, and I shouldn't have been. Yes, you’ve messed up, but you haven’t given up. Have you?”
“No, but I…”
“I wish you had just told me,” I say. “I’m not buying the bullshit where you thought I’d murder myself. Why?”
“Yeah. Why?” Bellamy asks.
“Hey. Beavis and Butthead,” I say, looking at Marcus and Bellamy. “I don’t need input from the peanut gallery.”
“Watch it, Brat. You think I give a fuck if he is sitting here?” Marcus threatens.
“You wouldn’t,” I laugh and turn back to Jeff. “Why didn’t you just tell me? You know that I would have understood.”
“I know,” he says softly. He is relaxed and searching my face. I cannot discern his thoughts at the moment.
Jeff is eleven years older than me at age thirty-nine. He is handsome, and his presence is comforting. Not in a parental figure way, but more so in a way that I know makes something flutter in my belly when he smiles at me. His short, trimmed, butfull beard is black with hints of gray. His hair is short and black. He doesn’t look ripped or anything, but he is fit and could still throw my ass around. All three of these men have these thick veins bulging in their forearms, and it’s intoxicating. I don’t know why, but far too often I find myself watching his body, wondering what it would feel like to be closer to him. Tofeelhim.
“Why are you looking at me like that?” I squeak out.
“I could ask you the same, darlin’. What’s on your mind?” he asks. I drop my head and look at my hands. What am I thinking of?
Why was he so focused on me and not the case? I am a part of the case, no? Unless he means… No, I am way too fucking chaotic for him to be interested. I don’t know why Marcus and Bellamy are, truthfully. I am a fucking ticking time bomb; an asteroid on a collision course. I sniff back tears that I didn’t even know were forming when the realization that I am hoping he is interested hits me. I can’t hope for that. I can’t wantanotherman in my life. What is wrong with me? Am I really so difficult that I need that many people around me?
“Kendra,” Jeff says, gently lifting my face. His touch is so persuasive that it only takes one finger under my chin for me to melt like fucking butter and look up at him.
“Just hand off the case,” I say quietly. “It’s for the best.”
“Don’t do that. Don’t shut me out,” he says. I try to get up, but he grabs my wrist. Out of pure desperation and sadness, I yank my hand away. For whatever reason, when he tries to grab me again, I immediately react by trying to slap him.
“Jeff!” I yell when he grabs me by the wrist with one hand and the throat with the other. I am pushed down onto the bed, so I am lying across it. Jeff has one arm pinned, and Marcus quickly pins the other before I can react. No one is being violent, but their sudden reaction stopped me from spiraling before the world even started to spin. I have my eyes squeezed shut, and I can choke on my tears now. When I begin to try and wiggle free, his hand moves from my throat to the bend of my hip.
“Kendra, baby,” Marcus says softly. I shake my head and try not to fall apart. “Kendra, look at me. No one else, just me.”
I force my eyes open, and he smiles. He can see right through my bullshit, and he knows. “I can’t,” I say tearfully.
