Page 9 of Grave Kisses
“So are you going to explain?” he asks.
“No,” I say. “And you can’t do anything about it for a week… Shall we continue?”
Marcus is seething, but I don’t let it show that I am bothered or upset. For the duration of the meeting, I can’t get a single word in without being interrupted. Eventually, I stop trying to speak up and just listen. I feel more than just disrespected; I am humiliated. It’s like high school all over again, when I felt unwanted and out of place. No one in this room wants me here besides maybe Bellamy. He isn’t exactly sticking up for me beyond the vote, though. Although it would be dumb to risk his own company for someone he doesn’t know.
When the meeting ends, I grab my tablet and leave Julie behind to leave the building. I start grabbing boxes and taking them up to Alan’s office one by one. Julie joins in, but neither of us speaks. When Bellamy shows up to help, I am surprised, but I still keep quiet.
Once I have everything in the office, I shut and lock the door so I can sit at Alan’s desk. The tears finally break free when I open the drawer to get the picture of him and me out. I reach a point where I am sobbing, so I move to the little couch and hug the picture to my chest.
Losing Alan is about the hardest thing I have ever had to handle. When Archer raped me, I handled it poorly, but this… this is so much worse. At least back then, I had Alan to help me.
When I was fifteen, Archer was a senior in high school. I was bullied relentlessly by him and his friends, but when I was invited to his house for a party, I fell for it. I was so desperate not to be alone that I missed all of the red flags. When I got there, I was alone and quickly trapped. I tried so hard to get away from them, but I couldn’t. His two friends grabbed me the moment I walked in the door, and it was over for me. No matter how much I screamed and begged… It was cruel and vicious. Psychopathic. It reached a point that even his friends were freaked out, and they left. Once I was alone with him… I truly thought I was going to die. I remember begging him to kill me a few times. This went on for hours until he ended up so drunk and high that he passed out with me still tied up. I managed to get free right as someone came into the house. I panicked, thinking it was his friends, and hid in the first room I could find. Alan’s office.
He found me curled up naked, bloody, and sobbing under his desk. The very first thing he did was wrap me in a blanket and put me in his car. I was so confused, but he wasn't hurting me, so I didn’t fight him. He took me straight to the hospital to be checked out and held my hand the entire time. He got me to tell him who I was and found out that I was a foster kid. Years later,I found out that the doctor was a friend of his, so it helped a lot when I said I didn’t want a report done. He never pushed me to do anything I didn’t want, and he was there for me more than anyone in my entire life had been.
When I was discharged, he took me to get food and asked what had happened. I had nothing else to lose, so I told him everything. I didn’t expect him to care as much as he did, but he went above and beyond. We went back to his house, where he proceeded to tell Archer that he was dead to him because he refused to claim someone as evil as Archer. He was shocked and argued it, but when Alan started repeating back to him what he had done to me, it was clear that Alan was far beyond disappointed in him. He told him to get out and took me upstairs. After that, he made some calls and took me in as a foster kid. He promised me that no one, including Archer, would ever hurt me again.
I was so broken, but he helped me heal and taught me my worth. If it weren’t for him saving me, who knows where I would have ended up?
I hear the lock disengage, and I jump up from the couch and turn my back to the door when it opens. “Out,” I say, expecting it to be Julie. I try to sound firm, but it comes out broken and tearful. The door closes, and I think I am alone but quickly realize I’m not when Bellamy gently turns me around.
“Please go,” I say as fresh tears roll down my face.
“Come sit with me,” he says gently, pulling me over to the couch. I want to yell at him and demand that he leave, but I mindlesslywalk with him. I slip my shoes off and sit cross-legged while Bellamy sits on the table in front of me. He is patient while I calm myself down, still hugging the picture.
“Please go,” I sniffle.
“Can I see?” he asks, motioning to the picture. Julie is standing at the door, likely making sure I’m okay with him being here, but says nothing. I nod and let him take it from me. He looks at it for a moment before setting it beside him. “Kendra… Who was Alan to you?”
“You’ll just tell Marcus, and I won’t let him bully me,” I say, my voice breaking again.
“I won’t. Marcus is my best friend, but he is also not himself right now. I am not feeding into his… whatever the hell is wrong with him. I want to help, Kendra.”
“He… Alan was my dad… Kinda,” I whisper.
“What do you mean?” he asks. Julie steps in and shuts the door before coming over to sit beside me.
“I was in foster care my whole life. He took me in when I was fifteen. He’s been like my dad since…”
“And Archer?” he asks.
“Uhm… He, uh… He was eighteen at the time. He… he and his friends tricked me into coming over when Alan wasn’t home.They raped me for… hours. His friends got freaked out and left, but Archer… tortured me. All night. He passed out, but right as I freed myself, Alan got home. He took me to the hospital, and, long story short, I told him everything. We got back, and he disowned Archer. He never told me why beyond that he was done trying to help him not be a monster.”
“Fuck,” Bellamy says with a sigh.
“Alan loved me like I was his daughter,” I tell him. “I was always afraid of replacing Archer, so I wouldn’t agree to adoption, but… The night I found him, I brought the adoption papers… I just needed his signature… Jesse just needed his signature… It’s all he wanted, and I failed him… I made him keep me a secret because I didn’t want to be the one who broke up his family. He swore to me I wasn’t and it didn’t matter… I was so used to being a problem for everyone that I kept him at a distance, even though he is one of the only men I could trust… I miss him so fucking badly, and I’ll never get to hear his laugh again… All I want is one hug… Just one… He would have the right words to say to make me feel better.”
“Martin knows?” Bellamy asks.
“Yeah. He’s known since I was officially his foster kid,” I say. “He helped me stay hidden.”
“Marcus is going to feel like a giant asshole,” Bellamy says.
“Good,” I snap. “Why is he so mean to me?”
“Because he is used to having control, and he is realizing that he didn’t know Alan as well as he thought he did.”
“Alan talked to me about everyone and always had good things to say about him,” I say. “He said I’d have to work with him when he retired one day… He said I’d be with good people… Too bad they are going to force me out and destroy CyberSafe in the process.”
