Page 27 of Grave Kisses
“I am going to leave it here and go to the bathroom, Bellamy,” she says again.
“Ah. Okay,” I say. “Go on.”
Jesse nods and runs out of the room with her laptop sitting on my desk. I turn it to face me, and the others come around to look. As I read over everything, fear like I have never experienced floods my brain.
“I don’t like this,” Julie says. “I don’t like this one bit.”
“Maybe she’s just worried about…” I start to say.
“She’s planning to die,” Martin says quietly. “Either by her own doing or assuming Archer will.”
“Why would she kill herself?” I ask.
“Why does anyone?” Julie points out. “She’s always been borderline suicidal.”
“Alan told me once that his worst fear was her killing herself. She has spent years secluding herself. When he died, she forced herself out of her apartment. She’s not used to any of this. She’s running on adrenaline and grief,” Martin says. “I think it’s called agoraphobia. Literally, the only place she ever went was Alan’s house and this office. She had everything delivered. Her mail came directly to her apartment. The girls went to her place. She never went anywhere because she was always terrified that Archer would find her… and now he has.”
“So what do we do? Watch her spiral? Lock her in a padded room? We can’t force her to do anything. It won’t help,” Julie says.
“No,” Marcus says. “We just keep showing up… If we think she is a danger to herself, we have her committed.”
“Oh, because she will love that,” Julie says sarcastically.
“It’s not about what she wants, Julie,” Marcus argues. “It’s about keeping her safe. If she is not safe from herself, then we should do something about that.”
“Yeah,” Julie sighs.
“Hey,” Jesse says when she comes back into the room. “So…”
“We can offer her the basement,” I say. “It’s furnished as a guest area. She can be independent but close enough for us to watch. Let her pay rent if she wants. Whatever. We just do whatever weneed to do to make sure she stays close by. Worst case scenario… we pull everything dangerous out and lock her down there.”
“She will hate us,” Jesse says.
“She can hate us if she wants, as long as she is alive,” Martin says.
Chapter Ten
Kendra
Six Weeks Later
So much for stayingin a hotel. I don’t know how the fuck they convinced me to do it, but I am staying in the basement apartment they have at the house. I at least have my own area. Although, they are constantly checking on me. The new system launches in a few days, and then I can finally end things once and for all. I was hoping I could finish things weeks ago, but there have been so many setbacks. I’m glad my ankle wasn’t broken, though. Dealing with that the entire time would be awful. I ended up sneaking away to get a scan a few days after I hurt it, and it was just a bad sprain.
I’m always sad. I just want to go upstairs and curl up in bed between them, but I can’t. My death will hurt them enough as it is, so I don’t want to add to it by making their feelings stronger for me. It’s not fair. I can feel myself sinking further and further into darkness, and I’m just waiting for it to swallow me whole. I had hoped thatmaybethe cops would find Archer, but they haven’t. No one has said anything, really.
I know he is out there watching. Maybe he has always been watching. It feels like he has. I am just as scared now of him returning as I was when it all went down. Only now, I’m worried about who else he will hurt.
I look down at my phone, staring at the text from Archer. I should be terrified, but I’ve come to accept that I will die. I won’t let him kill me, though. As soon as this project is done, I’ll handle it myself. I want to make sure it’s done right, so I have a plan to jump off a bridge. I’ve always wanted to know what it felt like to fly. I guess this is my last chance.
Archer: Ever wonder what your death would feel like, Kendra? I dream of it every night. Soon, we will both find out.
I lock my phone to abandon the message with all the others he has sent me. Maybe one day I will message back. Instead of eating dinner, I roll on my bed and face the wall. I stupidly agreed to having dinner with the guys upstairs, but I simply can’t pretend today that I’m not drowning.
It fucking sucks to be so desperate to breathe but unable to resurface. I can see everyone else watching me, but no one is saving me. Do I want to be saved? Do I want someone to talk meout of killing myself? Maybe. Am I willing to risk their lives to save my own? Absolutely not.
What I do know is that I am in love with Marcus and Bellamy. I don’t know when it happened or how, but I am, and it fucking sucks. It sucks to want to tell them, knowing they want me too, but knowing that opening up would cost them their lives.
“Hey,” I hear Marcus say from the staircase. “Dinner is done.”
