Page 161 of Stop and Seek
And he'd do it again. Anything to be wanted like this.
“He tried to scream, and I twisted the glass. It went in deeper..”
Theo’s forehead dropped to Noah’s shoulder. Shaking.
“That’s it,” he gasped. “That’s—fuck,Noah—”
He broke. Came hard against Noah’s thigh, biting his shoulder to muffle the sound. He didn’t stop rocking. Didn’t stop clinging.
Noah came a second later, spilling over his hand, his body, everything wet and sticky and tangled between them. The steam made it feel even dirtier. Like they’d never get clean again.
He wasreeling.
And the only thing in his head, looping on repeat like a stuck scream:
I love him so much I can’t stand it.
When Theo’s alarm went off, he didn’t have the energy to hit snooze. No point—he hadn’t slept anyway. His brain had been on high-alert since the Jagger revelation, envisioning things like some kind of low-budget horror reel. Choppy cuts of blood, eyeballs, Noah’s hands. Noah’s voice.
Rolling around in bed—grinding against Noah to relieve some of the pressure—was really a fucked-up way to spend an entire night.
Now, every inch of him was sore, and the idea of moving felt like a chore. Even hishairhurt. The sheets were a tangled mess of limbs and heat, and he was definitely one of the limbs. A very sore, very uncomfortable one. Meanwhile, Noah had been sleeping like a baby, complete with soft snoring and a death grip on Theo’s torso. At leastsomeonehad gotten shut-eye.
“Where are you going?” Noah asked, groggy as shit, when Theo tried to shift out from under the dead weight of his arm.
“Work.”
Noah yawned, propping himself up on an elbow and rubbing his eyes with the heel of his hand. His hair was sticking up in every direction, and somehow, he still looked hot.
Life was unfair.
“Do… do you need anything?” Noah asked, stifling a yawn. “Tylenol?”
Theo snorted. It was so damn sweet, it was heart wrenching. “Go back to sleep. I’m good.”
But Noah didn’t. He flopped back onto the pillow, eyes open, staring up at him. Silent. Maybe still hungover. Maybe still too drunk to register the full scope of what happened in the shower.
“Last night was…” Noah started, then trailed off.
Go on. Say it. Disturbing? Demented? A full tour of my screwed to shit emotional terrain?
He didn’t press. Just waited, pretending the pounding in his temples wasn’t growing louder.
“I need to deal with whats-his-face,” Noah finished.
“Andrew,” Theo said. “I want to be there.”
“Are you sure, baby?”
Sure was one thing.
Ridiculously excitedwas a whole different ballgame.
Theo nodded. He didn’t trust himself to speak—not when his throat was this dry and his skin felt too tight around his body. Admitting the thrill of it out loud would make it real.
“You wanna go tonight?” Noah asked. “Or is that too soon? I don’t wanna push.”
Tonight wasn’t soon enough. He wanted to skip work and gonow. He wanted to see the blood. The panic. The fear. Wanted to stand in the gore and breathe it in like incense.
