Page 39 of Love Me in the Dark
“Yes,” I pant. “You. I want you.”
He grins and pulls his cock out, only he doesn’t give me a chance to take over. He simply grabs the sides of my face and shoves himself to the back of my throat. Together, the three brothers fuck me unrelentingly. It is both painful and blissful the way they can make me break. Every bit of everything I’ve ever known about independence goes out the window with them. Iwantto be dependent on them. I want them to use me as much astheywant. I want it all.
One by one, we all come together. I don’t realize that I’m crying until they are nearly panicked when I’m not responding tothem asking if I’m okay. Knox scoops me up and sits with me on the couch while Tripp and Rook sit on either side. They all have their hands on me while I sob. It’s nothing that they have done, but it’s like I’m feeling the trauma from my attack all over again.
“Hey… Are you close? No… Yeah, she’s…Can you two come by? … I don’t know. I don’t think we hurt her. It was like a light switch… No, she’s not fighting. She’s just curled up in Knox’s lap crying… Okay…” Tripp ends the call before he resumes rubbing my back.
Knox is cradling me, and I have my face buried in his chest. He is holding me close to his body as Rook and Tripp help comfort me. I lose track of all spacial awareness, because the next thing I know, there are warm hands on my face. I open them and see that I am lying on the couch and Cade is kneeling in front of me.
“Cade,” I whisper.
“Hey,” he says softly. “Sit up and talk to me.”
I do as he asks, and I can tell that I’ve already been cleaned up. I must have fallen asleep at some point, so they took care of me while I slept. “I’m sorry,” I say quietly as I cross my legs under me and sit with my hands in my lap. I have my eyes on my hands as I pick at my nails. Cade takes my hands and squeezes them.
“Don’t apologize, Phoenyx,” he says. “What happened?”
“I freaked out,” I say.
“I get that. Did they hurt you by accident?” he asks.
“No. I liked it,” I admit.
“Okay. Did they trigger you?”
“No. I was fine until right after and I just… fell apart,” I say with a sigh.
“What were you thinking about?”
“The attack,” I say. “How helpless I felt when I woke up.”
“Do you feel helpless now?”
“No. The opposite,” I tell him.
“Then tell me,” he says. “I sense that there is something you aren’t saying.”
“Being with them… I feel like I’m losing who I used to be,” I say quietly.
“In what way?”
“I… I feel like I should be angry still,” I say as I look up at Cade. “Being with them makes all that go away. I can forget about the attack, and it makes me feel bad. I should be hurting still. I should be angry.”
“Says who?” Cade asks. “Who told you that you are required to suffocate in your trauma?”
“No one, Cade,” I sigh.
“Okay. Why do you think you should be then?” he asks again, and I shrug. “Honey… Everyone heals differently. What you went through… some people end up killing themselves. Some move on like it never happened. Some get angry and stay angry. Some get lost in their trauma, but they find a way to navigate it. Phoenyx, you are finding a way to navigate this horrific situation with them. They are showing you that there is more to life than suffering, but change scares you. We lost Mom and Dad, and it suffocated you for a while, but you found a way out of it. You learned to navigate the world without them, even if it hurt. Now, you are just finding new paths in life. With or without trauma, we all find new paths.”
“Why does letting go hurt so badly?” I ask.
“Because they took something from you that day, Nyx. Letting go means letting go of that piece of yourself. Even if you know that those parts will heal and new ones will grow, letting go of the old version of yourself hurts,” Cade says gently.
“I’m sorry, guys,” I say, looking up at Knox, Tripp, and Rook. “None of you did anything wrong. I’m just broken.”
“Aren’t we all?” Knox says with a soft smile. “It’s okay, Puppet. We were just afraid that we hurt you.”
“No. I liked that. You can definitely do that again,” I say with a smile. “I… have made a decision about something.”
