Page 44 of Toxic Hope
I’ve never really thought about death before, not in this way. Death has never felt so close to me. It suddenly feels personal. Sure, I lost my grandpa a few years ago, but that’s how it’s supposed to be. You grow old, have a couple of kids, some grandkids, and then you die.
Thinking about death and Emma at the same time is like trying to force two magnets together. She just isn’t supposed to die. She is young and has her whole life ahead of her. And yet, no matter how much I don’t want to put the two together, the thought is hovering over me like a dark rain cloud.
“So, are you coming or not?” Carter drags me from my gloomy thoughts.
“Come where?” I ask, because I have no idea what he was going on about before.
He rolls his eyes at me. “The party!”
“Oh, that. No, probably not,” I say quickly. Going out is the last thing I want to do now.
“Yeah, not feeling it either,” Preston agrees. “We’ve got more volunteering to do, anyway.”
“Man, I hope your dad lets you off the hook soon.” Carter slaps my shoulder as he gets up from his seat. “I’ve got to run, catch you losers later.”
“Later,” I mumble when Preston jams his elbow in my ribs.
“What the fuck?” I rub my side before following my brother’s gaze. My eyes land on Emma, walking into the cafeteria with her head down. She quickly walks toward the line, where she grabs a tray and waits.
It’s been two days since we saw her at the hospital. She didn’t come to school yesterday, and she didn’t answer any of our text messages either. My eyes stay glued to her small form as she moves down the line and pays.
She turns around with her tray in her hand and scans the room for somewhere to sit. Her eyes connect with mine, and I see her stiffen from across the room. I lift my hand and wave her over to sit with us, but she shakes her head and turns away.
“Is she serious?” Preston asks before we both look at each other, dumbfounded.
“Of course she is,” I reply, glancing back at Emma, who has taken a seat on the other side of the room.
Without another word, we both get up, grab our trays, and walk over to her. She is unwrapping her sandwich as we each take a seat next to her at the table.
“I didn’t invite you to sit with me,” she informs us before taking a big bite of her lunch.Good, she is eating.
“We don’t need an invite,” Preston snaps. “Why didn’t you come and sit with us?”
She shews slowly, making us wait on her to respond like she holds all the power here. When she finally swallows her food, she says, “I don’t want the attention, okay? Can you please leave me alone and sit somewhere else?”
“No,” me and my twin say in unison.
She sighs heavily before taking another bite. With the food still in her cheek. She mumbles, “Fine, but no talking.”
I lift my finger to my lips and pretend to zip them up and throw away the key. The corner of Emma’s lip curls up for a split second before she catches herself and frowns instead.
She keeps that frown up for the next two bites, glaring at her sandwich like it’s somehow its fault that we are sitting with her now. Then she puts her sandwich down with a huff and crosses her arms over her chest.
“Don’t tell me you’re done already,” I warn.
“You barely ate half,” Preston points out.
“This is exactly why I didn’t want anyone to know,” she says with a sigh. “I don’t want anyone hovering over me. I still don’t understand why you two can’t leave me alone.”
“Are we back on that now? When will you understand that you can’t get rid of us?” I question before ordering, “take another bite.”
“Unless you want me to barf in your lap, I would advise against it.”
“Do you not feel well? I can take you home.”
Emma rolls her eyes at me. “I’m fine. This is normal for me. Sometimes I can’t stand more than a few bites. I’ll eat again after my next class… which I have to go to now.”
She gets up from her chair, grabbing her tray. Preston and I do the same. We don’t have to say it out loud. We know we are walking her to her next class. As we return our trays to the cart, I catch sight of Brittany waltzing into the room like she owns this place. Her beady eyes land on Emma, and protectiveness surges in me.
