Page 43 of Toxic Hope
“Okay, listen.” I wouldn’t expect Preston to be the voice of reason who diffuses the situation, but it seems like this is a night for surprises. “Do you want us to treat you like you’re some fragile thing? Or do you want us to keep treating you the way we have been, like you’re a normal person? That’s the real question,” he adds. “Not a threat or anything. Because we can be gentle and, like, put on kid gloves or whatever they call it. If that’s what you want.”
The idea makes my stomach hurt. “That’s exactly what I don’t want, but it doesn’t mean I’m fine with you guys acting like I’m a joke. Or like you can treat me like I’m a toy to play with. This might be a joke for you, but it isn’t from where I’m sitting.”
“That’s fair. We can be nice,” Preston assures me.
“But?” I ask. “What’s the catch?”
“Why does there have to be a catch?”
Right. Because I was born yesterday. “There’s always a catch with you two. When the doctor pulled you out of your mom, you probably asked what was in it for you when they wanted you to cry.”
Easton snorts first, followed by Preston. “You’re probably right,” Easton admits, chuckling. “But life is a transaction. Don’t you know that? Quid pro quo.”
“Believe me. I already know.” And somehow, I always end up losing out in the end. Losing my parents, my grandpa, my health.
“And if we were super nice to you, wouldn’t it seem like we were treating you differently because you’re sick?” Easton shrugs. “When I think about it that way, you should be thanking us. We’re treating you like we always did. You’re welcome.”
I shouldn’t laugh. I really shouldn’t. It will only encourage them to be idiots. But I can’t help it—deep inside, it feels good to have the truth out there. They didn’t run away, they’re not looking at me funny. Like I’m contagious or like they’re afraid I’m going to drop dead. I might even be slightly grateful to them for taking the news so well.
“We’ll figure out a way for you to repay us,” Preston tells me with a grin. I have no doubt.
But I won’t even care as long as they keep their word. “You have to promise. Both of you. On your sister’s life, even. It’s that important. I don’t want anybody’s pity. I don’t want to be different.”
Silence stretches out for what feels like forever, until my skin starts to crawl, and I wonder if I made the biggest mistake of my life. What was I thinking, opening up to them? Then again, what choice did I have?
An entire conversation takes place between them before either says a word. It’s Easton who breaks the silence. “Fine. You have our word.”
“Your secret’s safe,” Preston agrees. “And, uh, we’ll drive you home after this.”
“I don’t need to be driven.” Even if it is sort of nice for him to worry. “So long as I get there soon after treatment, I’m fine. But thanks.”
Why do they both look unconvinced? Easton doesn’t keep me waiting before explaining. “Yeah, well… we sort of had your car towed out of the parking lot. So you need a ride.”
“You… what?” Just when I was starting to think they could be decent humans. Don’t I know better by now?
“You’ll have it back by morning. Scout’s honor.” Preston traces an X over his heart. “It’ll be parked in front of your house. Though you should log in from home, anyway.”
“I’ll do what I think is best.” Like that matters right now. “Why would you have my car towed?”
“That’s all in the past,” Easton insists.
“It’s right this minute,” I argue—but my energy is too low to bother pushing the issue. “Whatever. Could you maybe not do that kind of stuff anymore?”
Preston smirks at his brother, jerking a thumb at me. “First she wants us to keep her secrets, then she decides we’re not allowed to have fun anymore.” They banter back and forth, joking to make me laugh. And they do, once I let myself relax a little.
Not that it’s easy to relax. I really, really need them to live up to the trust I’m putting in them.
Because as much damage as they’ve done up to now, it could get so much worse if they decide to betray me.
20
EASTON
Everything’s different now. At least it feels different to me. I still want Emma like I did before, but now there is no conflicted feeling about it. I don’t find her antics annoying anymore, and I don’t see her as anything but strong. Fuck, she is the strongest person I know.
She got dealt a fucking shitty hand in life and still refuses to give up. I don’t think giving up is in her vocabulary. I see her in a different light now. Everything I knew about her has shifted and every memory I have is somehow more vivid.
With everything changing, I have to deal with some emotions I’m not very familiar with. I’ve become worried. Worried about Emma and her condition, worried about what is happening between us, and worst of all, about losing her. She doesn’t just have a cold; she has fucking cancer. And with a diagnosis like that, there comes a real chance of dying. The thought shifts my worry to fear.
