Page 97 of Splitting Secrets
“Believe me, I could think of several other places to have finished. It wasyouwho didn’t want to be touched,” he growls.
“Still don’t.”
He ignores the lie and grabs a pillow from his bed and throws it onto the floor beside mine.
“What are you doing?” I question with a frown.
“You said you’d be more comfortable if we slept on the floor,” he states matter-of-factly.
“No,” I shake my head. “I saidI’msleeping on the floor.”
A long sigh passes through his lips. “Are you going to fight me on everything?”
My answer is a strong, resounding, “Yes.” To emphasize my point, I snatch his pillow up and toss it across the room, back onto his bed.
“Very well, then,” he shrugs, falling to his knees and climbing toward me. “We’ll share yours.”
“Raze...” I growl in warning. My frustration over the entire situation is heating to a boil that’s about to overflow. He doesn’t back down, though. Instead, he levels me with an equally intimidating stare, his lips set in a firm line.
“This is how it has to be. I can be the perfect, shining example of showing respect for your personal space out there.” He gestures toward the closed door. “I can give everyone else a false sense of confidence over your well-being, so they can get off your back and give you some reprieve from their suffocating doting. But I won’t pretend that everything is sunshine and rainbows when it’s just you and me.”
“I told you, I’m fine—” I start to insist, but the words die on my lips when he tilts his head and the intensity in his eyes grows darker.
“Don’t insult me, Sonny. Not when I know you better than anyone else. I can hear your thoughts like they’re my own. You haven’t been feeling up to anything since what happened with your mother.”
“It wasonesmall breakdown,” I whisper-yell. “One that I would have had as soon as I heard about Poppy’s death, if not for the fact that I was being escorted underground by a man I thought cared about me.”
“We’ve already settled that,” he snaps.
“No,you’vesettled that in your mind.I’mstill not over it,” I explain slowly, like he’s a child.
“What else can I do to show you how sorry I am? I’ve already gotten on my knees and begged for your forgiveness. I’ve admitted things that no one else knows about me. Hell, I moved into this fucking mountain against everyone’s better judgment to make sure I’m at your disposal at any given moment.” The words come out in rapid-fire, a clear indication that I’ve effectively riled him up. “Every move I’ve made since they marched into my office and told me to collect you has been an effort to ensure nothing like that ever happens again. What more do you want from me?”
“I-I don’t know,” I stutter, the realization that he’s right sinking into my chest like a lead weight. What else could he possibly do? What other grand gesture am I looking for?
I’ve spent all this time criticizing and villainizing him for what happened on the beach. I’ve been refusing to heal from the betrayal and allowing myself to see every action he’s taken since for what it was: an apology from a man who cares deeply about me.
As much as I’ve fought against the implications, I’ve been acting exactly like the child they’ve been treating me as.
He sits before me, his shoulders tense and face twisted into a frown. “Please, just give me this small thing. Give me this tiny modicum of peace. I promise that when everything is said and done and this war is over, you can put as much space between us as you want. But I can’t even fucking function knowing that there are people out there who are willing to destroy an entire town to put you in the ground.”
I’m embarrassed that it’s taken me this long to realize how big of a problem I’ve been. How much I’ve held us all back with my own immature grudges.
“Fine,” I whisper. Raze’s brows fly upward, his surprise clear on his face as I hug my pillow to my chest, stand, and place it on the bed beside his. “Let’s go to sleep.”
He doesn’t question me any further, probably too afraid it’ll set us backward all over again, which makes me feel even worse. I sincerely hope no one else has been tip-toeing around me this much.
We each climb into bed from either side and I turn toward the wall, giving him space to slip behind me and curl his body around mine. Neither one of us says anything else. Instead, we close our eyes and fall into a deep, dreamless sleep.
49
Raze
We’ve made national news.
According to the five o’clock report last night, the five of us and all who are associated with the rebellion are a national security threat. They’re urging anyone who has information about our whereabouts to come forward.
The rest of the world thinks this is some petty civil dispute happening in a small, nowhere-town on the eastern coast. They have no clue how deeply our fight affects them, too. How we’re not just fighting for the rights of Nocturnians, but for Nulls around the world.
