Page 107 of Chasing Dreams
But then he’d been alone.
Austin walked to the window and looked out at the threatening weather. This time he wasn’t alone.
Even the word gave him pause. Alone.
It was the price he’d paid for putting distance between himself and everything, everyone.
He’d been an oddity his whole life. His own mother had treated him like a circus act. He had volumes of legitimate excuses for his reclusive life. Tom Stempson understood. Ken understood. Shaine understood.
All his reasons for protecting himself—avoiding the torture of being inside the victim’s heads; being repulsed by the thoughts of the perpetrators; fear of seeing and knowing when someone he grew to love would die—all those rationales were real.
He now had the fairly reliable capability of turning off his psychometric skills. It was rare that he got an unwanted impression from an object, but it was a possibility.
Predicting someone’s death was a possibility rather than a probability, too. Just because he’d seen his mother’s death, didn’t mean he’d see anyone else’s.
He’d even wondered whether or not he’d be a good role model for Jack. Money certainly didn’t make someone a father. That took love and caring and commitment. He could certainly love the child and commit to him, but Austin had never had an example. Likely he’d make mistakes as the boy got older.
Or would he rather not take the chance at all?
He’d begun to wonder if he was cutting himself off because of possibilities.
He didn’t know which he’d rather risk: an occasional ugly vision... a mistake here and there...or the certainty of the pain of being alone.
Which would hurt more? A disturbing premonition, righting a wrong, or living the rest of his life without Shaine?
These past weeks had shown him just how much he needed her. He’d thought he could return and pick up his life where he’d left off before she’d come, but he couldn’t.
Maybe he was nothing but a big hypocrite. Maybe he did need to see the future to assure himself he wasn’t taking any risks. How pathetic. Nobody ever got to see how their choices were going to turn out, what kind of partner or parent they’d be. His unwillingness to take a risk only added to making him different.
Shaine had become everything important to him. He remembered her bungling attempts at erecting her tent, her determination, her pride. He thought of the times they’d spent together, the sharing, the laughing, the loving. He envied her unshakable love for Jack and her sister, admired her relationship with her friends. She was far more courageous than he. She’d been willing to do anything it took to find and claim the child she loved, even if it meant looking like a fool...making mistakes...or failing.
And he’d been a coward.
A leaf blew against the window and clung tenaciously for a moment before the wind carried it off. Suddenly the security and privacy of the log house made it seem more like a prison than a sanctuary.
He would forever be alone if he wasn’t willing to take the risks and ask Shaine to stay. To marry him.
There was nothing he wanted more. Not privacy. Not a painless existence. He couldn’t quite picture himself living in the bed and breakfast in Omaha, but surely there was a compromise they could reach. He would do it. Whatever it took.
When should he ask her? In the morning? After lunch? While Jack was napping?
Nervousness skittered through him at the prospect. And something else...something more. A warmth seeped across his chest and settled in his abdomen...the strangest feeling. Not like a vision, but....
Shaine.
He turned and found her standing a few feet from him, one of the blankets wrapped around her shoulders.
“Austin?” she said, her voice gravelly from sleep. “Is everything all right?”
He’d known she was there, had felt her watching him. “Weather’s turning bad,” he said. “Looks like this rain will turn to ice and snow.”
She wore a strange expression.
“What’s wrong?” he asked.
“You at the window. That was my dream, the dream I had before I ever knew about you. You were in such torment. I could feel your anguish. I’d hoped I had prevented that dream. I never wanted to bring you pain.”
“You haven’t brought me pain,” he replied, even though the rock in his belly denied those words.
