Page 78 of Chasing Dreams
“Seen Austin?” Shaine asked Marge, sliding a pan of bread pudding into the oven.
“I saw him carrying boxes into your office,” the woman replied.
Shaine crossed the wood-floored dining room. Outside the room that served as her workspace, several large boxes and their packing materials were stacked against the wall.
“What are these?” she asked, entering.
“I’ll get those in a minute.” He looked up from a new desktop computer. On the desktop were a couple of plastic cases like software CDs came in.
“Austin?”
“Your old computer didn’t have enough memory to run a good accounting program. Look at this. I’ve loaded everything you’re going to need to keep your records. This will make your work so much easier. Wait until you see what it can do. I’ll show you how to use it, and there are instructional videos.”
She stood beside him and gestured helplessly with both hands. “Austin, what are you doing? Where did this come from?”
“I ordered it and picked it up today. I thought it would be great for your business. You can do everything you need to do. You can do payroll if you need to, and figuring your taxes will be a breeze.”
“If I had the money it took to buy this, I would have had some chimney work done so we can use the fireplace in the dining room this winter. That was next in our budget plans. With all the recent travel, I can’t pay for this.”
His hand paused on the mouse, and he glanced up at her. “I bought this. Don’t worry about the cost.”
“Don’t worry about it? I know how much a good pc costs.”
“It’s no big deal, Shaine. I bought it. I wanted to buy it. Enough about that, all right?”
“No, it’s not all right. You should have asked me.”
He looked away, the enthusiasm gone from his expression.
Minutes ticked past. The room held the unfamiliar smell of the packaging. Shaine glanced from his face to the screen, and couldn’t help a little curiosity about what he’d wanted her to see.
“I’m sorry,” he said finally. “You’re right. I should have asked before I brought it in.”
“I can’t afford it,” she said lamely. “And I can’t accept such an expensive gift.”
He turned and took stock of her expression. “Why not?”
She looked into his flint-colored eyes. Confusion littered her thoughts. What was happening? What did he expect of her? Things between them had deteriorated to the point where she didn’t know how to act or what to say. He’d gone out often the last two days and fallen asleep on the sofa at night. And now he’d bought her a high-end computer and software.
She ran a hand through her hair and turned away, stepping to the window and idly looking out into the side yard. “Because it’s too much. You’ve given me enough already. There’s so much I can’t repay.”
“I don’t want to be repaid.”
“But this—” she gestured limply “—this isn’t the kind of gift friends give one another.”
The word friends hung in the room like an accusation, and that hadn’t been how she’d meant it. She’d meant that an expensive gift intimated more of a commitment than they shared. When placed beside his emotional and physical withdrawal, his generosity bewildered her.
“I’ve never had friends, so I don’t know what they give one another,” he said, his measured voice possessing a tightness that brought an unwanted lump to her throat. “I have no family, either. I have more money than I can spend on myself, and I didn’t see anything earth-shattering about spending a little on someone I—care for.”
His matter-of-fact tone fell flat.
Shaine closed her eyes and tried to assimilate his words with the way he’d been behaving. To him, it really was no big deal. To him, everything they’d had together was no big deal. She resented that, and she hated herself for her irritable attitude.
She’d barged into his life and demanded he teach her to understand her dreams so that she could find Jack. He’d done the best he could, and once they’d discovered she couldn’t do it fast enough on her own, he’d made a sacrifice for her. How could she take more than that? She already owed him so much.
This computer would be a hurtful reminder after he was gone. Not that she’d need another reminder.
Shaine bit her lip. Was that it? Was that really it? Or was the real issue the fact that she didn’t want material things from him? She wanted more. She wanted him, and that was something that wasn’t so easy for him to bestow.
