Page 65 of Advance and Retreat
“You must have been surprised.”Wovir’s voice was carefully neutral.
“She’s worried about the Dark threat.She wants one of her kids to get out of here while the getting’s good.And she realizes a big part of me feels it’s where I should be.”
They were silent for several seconds, absorbing her statement.Imon and Wovir glanced at Feru, no doubt looking for guidance from their psychologist clanmate.
Presently, the Imdiko spoke.“You’ve been hoping for more careerwise.A meaningful direction in life, and the expedition is happening at this pivotal moment.Now one of the people who means most to you supports the opportunity.Anything else, Toni?”
There was no sense in hiding it.“It’ll give us the chance to see if we can make a relationship work.I’d like to have the chance.”
Feru smiled.“As would we.”
“Very much,” Imon added.
Feru sobered.“You anticipate a chance for romance, maybe lifelong commitment.The aptitude test indicated where your professional interests lie.Either of those, you could potentially find here, where you are now.I guess the big question is, what do you want from life?What does your heart cry out for that you can’t find here?”
Toni felt the same way she always did when trying to decide her next move...adrift on an empty sea.She spread her hands helplessly.“I don’t know.I really don’t.I’ve been looking for years and haven’t found it, so maybe it’s beyond my experiences.Maybe it’s where the expedition is going.”
“Maybe.Maybe not.”
“Then I shouldn’t go, should I?If I leave and discover it’s the wrong decision—”
“You can’t make a wrong decision when it comes to matters of this nature.”He chuckled at her shocked expression.“This is life, Toni.We’re always choosing paths without grasping where they ultimately lead.Life is making decisions, some blinder than others, and living with the rewards and consequences.Whether they work out or not, it comes down to the same thing: we try.When we see the results, for good or ill, we work on the next step.”
“This isn’t helping my confidence in choosing.”She scowled.
Imon rubbed her back.“We’re in the same boat, except for the part about leaving family behind.We have no idea the circumstances waiting for us beyond known space.It could be we can’t stand the Coydidak.Their lifestyle is radically different from typical Kalquorian society.What we do understand is nothing else available to us seems particularly interesting compared to the expedition.So we’re taking the chance.”
“Are you happy here?Do you see yourself as finding your life’s purpose helping your sister run Earth?”Feru prodded.“If the answer is no, try the expedition.For the first few months, it’s an experiment and no risk.Until we reach the last outpost, you can return.”
“Assuming the negotiation team is operating under the clause saying you’re among those who can do so,” Wovir added helpfully.
“It is for a trainee.”The trouble was, when Toni committed to anything, she held onto it like a rabid dog...even when the time passed for her to call it quits.If nothing else, fifteen years in the education field had taught her the lesson.
“There you go.If the trip sucks or if the Coydidak piss you off, pack your bags and run like hell.”Imon winked at her.“You’ll notice I didn’t say we’d do anything to detract from the mission.We’re amazing, which you’ll learn if it isn’t already obvious.”
Toni blew a raspberry at him, then laughed.“You’re too much.Oh shit, I’m terrified.I feel as if I’m standing on the edge of a cliff, on the verge of leaping blindly into the unknown.”
“That’s life too.”Wovir’s grin stretched wide.“Isn’t it fantastic?”
* * * *
Kalquor
Laughter gazed at EC-1122 in wonder.She’d put off visiting it in person for five days, worried she’d be disappointed.After all, it was more than a deep space vessel.It was the culmination of a lifelong dream.Twolifelong dreams.She’d realize it for both her and her father, though she liked to imagine he was alongside her...and not merely because his ashes in their urn were safely burrowed in the travel bin next to her.
The large but graceful ship enchanted her.She was aware of additional ships nearly identical to it in her peripheral vision, though they were somewhat less new.A part of her mind also registered the flotilla of supporting vessels, but EC-1122 shone brighter to her gaze.As the flagship, it was the repository of not only her wishes, but the hopes of multiple species.Kalquorians, Joshadans, Plasians, Alneusians, and so many others would be on board to pierce the unknown...and guarantee their cultures’ survival if they could avoid the All.
“What are you doing here?”
Startled from her happy trance, she jerked around to face the owner of the voice clipped with threat.Her spirits dipped to see the glowering Nobek Signis stalking toward her on the metal gangplank leading to the ship’s open hatch.Despite the heavy, threatening manner in which he appeared to walk, his passage was silent.The soft footsteps she heard came from Rorix and Negal, who followed him.
“It’s the first day of boarding for the executive staff, my Nobek,” Rorix said.His gaze was steady on Laughter, no emotion to be seen.“I believe our long-distance systems com officer has been renting lodging while on Kalquor.It makes sense for her to move aboard as soon as possible.”
“The empire is covering her expenses since she’s been granted probation.She has no need to rush aboard,” Signis seethed.“We still have over a week prior to cast off.”
The wordsexecutive staffhad the welcome effect of tamping Laughter’s temper.She wasn’t a mere crew member, but a major force for the expedition.
Her tone as even as Rorix’s, she told Signis, “Our supply of long-distance com relays will arrive in two days, Weapons Commander.I thought it best to get settled and figure out where the units should be stored on board the ship for most efficient deployment.”To Rorix, she added, “I’ve already studied theQuestand its convoy’s route as far as it’s been determined to map where the stations need to be utilized.I’m ready when you are to go over the station placements.”
