Page 28 of The Withering Dawn
“You would choose me over your own crew?”
“No, I would choose my morals over the others’ lack of morals. I can replace a crew. I cannot mend a betrayal to myself.”
It all sounded so complicated. “I should leave.”
His eyes flitted toward me. “You should have left when I told you to. But you said you were afraid. I wanted to ask what that creature was that you seemed so scared of.”
Even the mention of it made my skin crawl. “I don’t know. I’ve never seen one. It’s a Kroan belief that there is an ancient god deep down, farther than any siren can swim, and his sons are horrid, beastly things that feed on us as Kroans feed on men. But even my mother thought they were just a story. She and many others thought it was a superstitious way to explain when sirens disappeared. Seeing thatthing… it was unsettling and now I wonder if our myths hold some truth.”
“I would not like to be in the water with a foul creature like that.”
“There is much about that world that I’ll never understand. All who could teach me are gone. I have not even shifted in many, many years. I do not think I would like it.”
“Why?”
“It’s painful, even for those who are used to it. It is like being skinned alive and when your body is still raw, a glove is pulled over it, burning into your bones and muscles until you think you cannot stand it, but then it’s over. And your body is… different. Of course, the men I was with before never allowed me to shift.”
“That sounds… awful.” He cleared his throat, scratching the scruff on his chin. “And the men who held you captive. Who were they?”
“They called themselves ‘The Order of Purity.’”
“How did you come to be in their possession?”
“My mother. I was born in cold waters, but a siren alone is vulnerable. She had no one. She fled to land. The brothers in the Order found us and they took pity. Or so they pretended. I don’t remember much outside of being with the Order. My mother was taken from me when I was young and she never came back. I was told she killed herself. The brothers raised me and when I came of age, things changed.”
“What changed?”
“They became fearful. They punished me for things I did not do. I lived with them on their island for many years, forced to attend sermons and recite prayers to a god I did not believe in. And when I became a woman, they cut my tongue for the first time.” I took a bite of bread, trying to cover the sour taste rising in my throat over the memories of my first trimming.
“You said you had been with them since you were eight.”
“Yes.”
“When was that? Do you have any idea how old you are?”
“Hmm. There was a boy on the island. He spoke to me sometimes. He was barely older than I was. Nine, perhaps. By the time I was taken from the island, he’d just turned twenty.”
His brows raised. “You can be no older than nineteen.”
I bobbed a shoulder dismissively as Nazario rubbed his forehead as if he was stressed. I couldn’t imagine why. Men in the Order took wives far younger than I was. Cold shame washed through me at the thought of him regretting our kiss because of my age.
“Does my age bother you?”
“All of this bothers me,” Nazario continued, an air of disgust in his tone now. “You said someone tried to force themselves on you.”
I paused chewing and swallowed what was in my mouth. “Philip. The Order forbade touching me like that. They touched plenty of other women, but not me. It would have tainted their souls. But Philip had been drinking excessively and he came to my room one night.” I reached up, touching my throat. “I bit him. On his arm first. He hit me and I bit him next on his throat.” I swallowed again, trying to gulp down the lingering taste of his flesh. “It was forbidden for me to consume a human, but I didn’t mean to.” I looked up at Nazario, shaking my head. “I truly didn’t mean to. He just… the way he touched me. I panicked. I forgot all the rules and I bit him. And I swallowed him. And I watched him bleed out on the floor. It was a terrible sound that came from him as he died.”
I dropped the bread and pressed both hands to my neck, closing my eyes. I hated the memory. It was one of many that were seared into my head like a brand. He tasted bitter in my mouth and the sourness of wine in his blood did not help. Despite that his flesh had long left my stomach, I felt a need to throw up. Even Rourk’s taste lingered and our encounter was far more fleeting.
“Aeris,” Nazario spoke, his voice leading me back to the strange present where we were standing in the small galley with food all around us.
I opened my eyes and saw the half-eaten roll on the table in front of me. Slowly, I lowered my hands and took a few deep breaths,focusing on the table and every groove in the aged wood. I began to count them, concentrating on numbers and details rather than the memories.
“They needed to get rid of me after that,” I muttered, carefully reaching for the roll again. “So they put me on a ship and sailed me out to sea.”
“To starve you,” he said. “I found a journal that said as much.”
I met his eyes and picked a small piece of bread off with my fingers, putting it in my mouth.
