Page 75 of Crash Landing
“I’m going to confess something to you and I need you to just understand,” I said softly. “There is a part of me that wanted to be pregnant.”
“Sam, if—"
“I don’t care. Because if I was pregnant, then that would have meant I was staying. If I was pregnant, it would be half-human, which means it might not develop as quickly as we think. And worst comes to worse, they extract it and finish the term in a lab if it’s too physically draining for me. You said that yourself. So if you mention risks again, I’ll punch you, because there are always ways around them.”
“But we know nothing about the process. After the Thinning, we barely know the process for our own people’s pregnancies anymore. It’s all numbers and studies and statistics.”
“And on Earth, kids are just a burden. An accident. A quick way to get fined.” I straightened off the table and took a deep breath. “You and I aren’t part of the pattern. We’re not part of the statistics. We’re something new. Whatever we do is what they’ll study years from now when more humans meet more valerians. And…” My voice cracked and finally, a tear fell down my cheek. “I don’twantto go back. I’d rather go back to that damn moon and live with you in a cave.”
“And you thought pregnancy was the best way to keep you here?”
“Wasn’t it?”
Saleuk scrubbed his hands over his face and laughed, but there was no humor behind it.
“Sam, tell me you want to stay and I will do everything in my power to make that happen. Ihavedone everything in my power to make that happen. So just say the word because you already know I chose you. I choseyou, Sam.”
The words he said two weeks ago rang in my head and made my heart flutter.
“I hate not being with you,” I confessed. “And I’ve been thinking for two damn weeks that I might actuallywantchildren with you. Withyou, Saleuk.”
He stilled, his expression going blank like I’d just spoken gibberish to him. Another tear slid down my other cheek and I slapped it away, pulling back my shoulders.
“We’ve been figuring each other out since the beginning. We’ve been avoiding our feelings and blaming everything on a surge. On physical urges, but that’s not all it is. I understand that if we stayed together, everything would change. But our best friends did it. Why not us?”
Still, he was silent and I hated that silence, so I just kept going.
“If the thought of leaving you digs a great big empty hole in my chest, then logically, I should stay. For my health. I’d deal with space sickness, flying on ships, and acclimating to whatever planet we end up on because it’s better than not being with you. So, what would be the most logical next step for you now that you know that?”
He regarded me like he didn’t believe I existed, his lips slightly parted. I wasn’t sure if he’d even blinked since I started talking. It was making me beyond nervous. If he decided it was too dangerous for me to stay and he sent me back to the Nexus, something in me said he would only be doing it out of affection, but it would break me. I knew it would. It would break me because, for the first time ever, I was pretty certain I was in love.
The admission, though silent, made me blink with surprise. I kept staring at him, suddenly unable to breathe.
“Sam,” Saleuk whispered, taking my hand in his and lifting it to his chest where his dual heartbeats played like a gentle song against my palm. “If there was nothing stopping you from doing exactly what you wanted right now, what would you do?”
“Is there something stopping me?”
“No. Nothing. But you still have to answer me because there are things I want to tell you—things I want to say—but I can’t.”
“If I could do anything, I’d stay with you forever. And…” I swallowed and took a slow breath. “I’d have your babies.”
His chest expanded with breath, his eyes flicking back and forth between mine like I’d just struck him over the head.
“Would you truly do that? Would you leave your home behind? Earth, I mean. Your people? Your life? Just like that?”
“What life?” I scoffed. “What people?”
“You’d make a life with me? I’m a pilot, you know. I’d either be gone a lot or you would be with me like Innifer is with Vahko. It would be different.”
“If you can handle me complaining for a while.”
“And your reservations because of the freighter incident?”
I drew my head back at the mention of it, realizing it hadn’t even crossed my mind in days. Perhaps what was going on with Saleuk and me was a great enough distraction.
Or perhaps Saleuk was the shield I needed to face those things.
It was easier not to dream of those horrors when I was dreaming of him instead.
