Page 72 of Crash Landing
I shrugged. “It’s how things have been done for a while now.”
“What if I wanted to raise it?”
I narrowed my eyes at her, something deep inside me lighting up with interest. “You?”
“Well, yes. If I somehow gave birth to an alien child, I’d want to raise it.”
“Where?”
“You tell me. What would be best?”
“Valer would be best. It has the most opportunities. The best housing. And I own property there.”
“So you’d put me in your house with our child?”
It was beginning to sound like a job interview. “No, I’d be there,” I blurted, surprising myself.
Sam’s face went blank, but I could see her eyes light up. She withheld a smile, but I knew she wanted to let one free and the thought of her being happy that I’d stay with her and our child made my hearts swell. We regarded each other for a while until I could finally speak.
“Sam, these are plans we’re discussing here. Plans for a life. If you had my child, you’d want that? You’d be ok never going back to Earth? With being a mother of a valerian child?”
“Half valerian,” she said softly. “A half valerian child.” She paused, shaking her head as if coming out of a dream. “And I’m just asking because they’re all possibilities. I want the best thing if I did find out there’s a little Saleuk growing in my underqualified womb.”
She stood, walking to the table to take a few sips of water right out of a glass pitcher. I stood up behind her, flashes of our possible future sifting through my mind. It got me thinking of the prospect of settling down. Was that the life I wanted? I was a pilot. I was in the military. I was someone who’d dedicated my life to fighting for my people.
But I also wanted a family. A mate. I wanted the life I might have had if the Thinning never happened. I wanted to go back to the days when reproduction was an act of love and not a cold, methodical science experiment.
Realizing that future was something I longed for made what I thought was my purpose crumble to pieces inside me. I felt something shatter and let out a breath to steady myself, heading for the door.
“Where are you going?” Sam asked.
I stopped, back turned to her. WherewasI going? Slowly, I turned to face her again, a single question burning inside me.But I couldn’t ask it. I looked at Sam and I saw our future. I saw a future neither of us predicted. One that looked beautiful and full of things I didn’t think I’d get. I’d wanted to surge for a long time and I had. I wanted all the things that came with it, too, but I felt guilty for wanting them.
“Sam,” I whispered, finding that part of me that wasn’t afraid to tell the truth. The part of me that had nothing to lose. “You’re an irritating, sometimes loud, bickering, tiny woman.”
Her mouth fell agape and she blinked like I’d just struck her in the face.
“But stars above, you’re also the most beautiful, determined, brave woman I’ve ever met. You dragged me through the wilderness unconscious with barely an ounce of muscle on you. You left Earth to study plants of all things when you knew space scared you. You say you’ve never had anyone—that no one has ever chosen you—but you have me. I’ve chosen you. I didn’t just surge. I surged withyou. You hold my heart in a way I didn’t think anyone ever could.”
Her eyes grew red with unshed tears and I wasn’t sure if I’d hurt her with my words or if she was happy. I didn’t want to know. Not yet. I’d said my piece and I needed to think. I needed to plan. Make preparations. Cowardly as it felt, I had to leave that room and her scent and the sight of her body so I could focus because all I wanted to do was claim her again and ensure there was a baby in her womb.
25: Sam
After Saleuk left my room, I was dumbstruck and confused. If I didn’t know better, he’d just told me he loved me. Or maybe he didn’t… Maybe I was just being hopeful because he never said the word. When he left, I felt lost and just started pacing my room until the young woman brought me food. I scarfed it all down but barely tasted it. Then I curled up in my bed and I let sleep claim me, guided into a deep slumber by utter exhaustion.
Over the next two weeks, I barely ever saw Saleuk save for the couple of times he visited me. We were still intimate, but conversation was sparse and he’d only spent the night once. The only other times I saw him were when I was roaming with my young escort from place to place. We’d pass each other, hug, and sometimes kiss except that people outside didn’t really care for public displays of affection. I deduced it was because I was human more than anything. People looked at us weirdly. Some even looked at us like I was a slut stealing their husband. Not that I wasn’t used to that. This time, I was able to at least put myself in their shoes a little bit. It was a little daunting to think that our relationship would be looked down on if we ever decided to make it official.
With so few opportunities to see Saleuk, I was a mess. I wondered what preparations he was talking about. What discussions he was having and if they involved me. I wanted to know, but he dodged my questions every time. It was angering.I was over it and so damn eager to know the situation with my uterus so I could finalize my feelings on some things.
I wasn’t keen on going back to the medical facility to have more tests done, but it was part of the procedure. If I was pregnant, everyone was convinced that human medical technology wouldn’t be able to support the process, which was the scary part and the reason I wasn’t immediately sent back to the Nexus. Saleuk had explained a little more of it to me, but most of it I already knew since my best friend was bonded to a valerian and they had the same reservations when it came to offspring.
But oddly, I wasn’t afraid to know either way. I wondered if that was a problem on my part because I should have been afraid. A pregnancy could kill me…
To my delight, Saleuk accompanied me to my final medical exam. He was quiet, but I could tell it was just nerves. I sat in a private room with him standing next to me. I hadn’t stopped wondering about children since I started imagining a life with him. I’d considered the pros and cons and my list always tipped slightly the same way. I would rather risk having a valerian child than go back to Earth to what was now seeming like a very empty existence again. Glancing at Saleuk standing up against the wall, I considered telling him my exact thoughts but decided it was best to know the results of my tests first.
I could tell he was on edge.
“You know,” I said, snapping him out of his thoughts. “If, by some tiny chance, I am pregnant, it would be half human. Maybe the dangers of—”
