Page 70 of The Devil In Blue
His lips stretched into an amused grin. One I found utterly beautiful. Then, a small bout of gentle laughter rose from his chest and it sent warmth shooting through me. Why was I so weak to that sound? Those eyes. Every contour of his face.
“There’s your spirit,” he said. “And I don’t plan to accuse you of anything.” His smile fell away and he sat forward, elbows on the table and his fingers folded and covering his chin. “I was there when Father Eli confessed to you. The lovely Elanor had been working on getting the truth from him for days before she dragged you down there. I’m sorry seeing you is what it took.”
“I’m not,” I said. “Hearing him say it confirmed what part of me has always believed. And that is that he was never telling me the truth. Not once. But I didn’t have another truth to turn to, so I foolishly believed him.”
Stupid girl.
I dropped my head, shame pressing in on my skull.
“He tortured you,” Rune whispered.
I watched him, trying to understand what he was feeling. I knew what I was feeling. I was enraged and violated, but he was feeling something just as potent. I just couldn’t quite read it.
“He tortured you for years and I wasn’t there,” he said, his voice so soft I could barely hear it.
It was then that I realized what I was seeing was guilt. Incredible amounts of it. Regret. His certainty had dissipated and left him looking defeated.
“Yes,” I said. “He did. In ways you cannot fathom.”
His expression was unchanged. He watched me like he was waiting for me to elaborate, but I didn’t want to. Then again, Father Eli had always advised against me remembering the ugly parts of my past. He may have been talking of a fake past, but it still gutted me to know why he always told me to forget. Because it made convincing me of other things that much easier.
So even if I wasn’t going to tell Rune exactly what they did, I needed to hold those memories close and never let them get lost inside the madness of my twisted mind.
“I’ll remember what he did forever,” I said. “Most of it, anyways. And I have to hang onto what I know. It’sallI know. The only memories that are mine.”
“Those cannot be your only memories.”
“They are for now. Pain, chaos, destruction, and vengeance. It’s all I am.”
I reached out and took a crystal glass filled with some kind of sweet, herbal drink mixed with honey.
Someone remembered that I did not like wine.
My lips quirked knowing it was probably Petris and I took a sip.
“Are you enjoying the library?” Rune said.
I nodded, setting my glass down. “It’s been a welcome distraction after the latest events. There are so many books. I long to read them all.”
“Then you’ve decided to stay. You’ll need a lot of time to read them all.”
My eyes shot up at that. I hadn’t even thought of leaving or staying.
“I… didn’t know I had a choice.”
“Now you do.” He watched me, waiting, but there was nothing for me to tell him. Not yet. “There’s no need to answer. Not yet.”
“I don’t know where I would go if not here. I have no home in Cragborough. Or anywhere, for that matter. And the thought of returning to Lucien makes me sick to—”
“You won’t be going back to him,” he said, eyes focused elsewhere as if he was seeing something in the room that I could not. When his gaze found me again, he blinked his way slowly out of his vision. “Ever.”
That word was possessive and confident. I wasn’t sure exactly how he meant it, but it was reassuring nonetheless. I took another sip of my drink, swallowing quietly.
“At the masquerade,” Rune spoke again. “When you saw me for the first time. What did you feel? Aside from the terror you admitted to me.”
“I felt… curious.”
“Curious?” The corner of his lip quirked. “Of a man with an elk skull mask?”
