Page 34 of The Devil In Blue
She was always the gentlest. When the others were quick to restrain me after my outbursts, she was always there to stroke my hair back when I was buckled in too tightly to do it myself. I didn’t really remember my mother, but I wanted to think she would have been like Harriot. She taught me to breathe through the attacks. To endure the times when my mind and body couldn’t align. When the puzzle pieces didn’t fit and my thoughts were falling apart, she was there to tell me it would all come together eventually.
But Sister Harriot was also the one who shaved my head the day they baptized me. She knew I loved my hair, but she took it from me, even after I begged her not to.
Today is your new birthday,she told me.
I resented her for taking my hair for weeks, but that was the day that everything started to change. I bit less. I scratched less. I talked less. And eventually, my hair grew back.
Everything grows back.
Only my memories—my true memories—never did.
Madness was a demon that followed me everywhere. It hid in my own shadow. And the king—Rune—was either the demon himself or he was tempting it, using my own flesh and soul to lure it out of the shade.
I could almost feel its claws.
I fell to sleep waiting for its venomous bite.
But I’d slept with the demon many times. In a horrific way, he kept me warm when my blankets weren’t enough.
My body always knew when someone was coming, even if I was sleeping. It came from living at Southminster for so long. Someone was always at my door.
This time, I didn’t know who it was, but I knew they were there. I sat up slowly and stared at the door through the darkness, wondering when they’d announce their presence. When there was a soft knock, I pulled my knees to my chest and sighed.
“Come in,” I said.
If it was Rune, I’d endure whatever torment he had for me.
The door opened, letting the light of the hallway bleed into the chamber. A tall man’s silhouette cast itself in front of me and when the faint blue light from the balcony doors covered him, I saw the glint of metal on his face. A mask.
Petris.
I didn’t even know him and yet his presence instantly soothed me. Maybe because he wasn’t Rune. Whatever the reason, I was glad to see him.
“My lady,” he greeted, a tenderness in his tone. “I mean, Briar.”
He slid further into the room, opening the door wide to let more light in. There was a long stretch of silence and I wondered, considering the lack of food in his hands, why he was there if not to feed me.
“I wanted to check on you,” he said kindly.
“Check on me?” I asked.
“Yes.” He took another step into the room. “I spoke to Rune.” Even his name made me tremble. “He wanted me to tell you—”
“I didn’t mean to upset him again.”
“That he was sorry.”
I furrowed my brows at that.
Petris walked closer, coming to stand a few strides from the bed. I didn’t know how to reply to that so I stayed silent, waiting for Petris to say more.
People never apologized to me.
He cleared his throat. “He wanted to ask if you were hurt at all.”
“Hurt?”
He gestured to his back and I immediately thought of the knob jabbing into me.
