Page 88 of The Devil In Blue
I believed his reassuring smile. I trusted it as if I was already used to it. Like my soul knew he spoke honestly and would make good on the promise.
“Perfect,” Naeve said, smoothing out my skirt.
I wore a deep purple dress with gems and lace inlaid on the neckline. I stared at myself in the floor-length mirror in my room and barely knew who I was looking at. Since I’d arrived at Ferrothorn, I’d been changing. My hair was in a twist over my shoulder, one wavy tress hanging on the other side and tickling my collarbone.
But my fashions and the way Naeve did my hair didn’t matter to me. It was the gold necklace around my neck that made me feel the most beautiful.
After sliding my feet into a pair of black leather boots, I made my way downstairs with Naeve’s hand hooked casually around my arm like I’d seen her walking with Lura.
“Can I ask you something?” I said.
“Of course, sweet.”
“How well did you know me, exactly? I mean,her. Who I was before.”
“I knew you for a bit,” she sighed. “I was made to be your closest friend, but regrettably, I didn’t get the chance..”
“So, you don’t really know what the king and I were like before?”
“Not very well, no. But Elanor does.”
I raised a brow at her, disbelieving.
“Elanor?”
“Yes. You two were great friends, actually. That was back when Elanor knew how to smile,” she chuckled. “At least, that’s what Elanor says.”
My spine stiffened at the implication that Elanor and I had once been friends. All she’d done since we met was frown at me like I was a spot of dirt on her shoe. Then again, the king had not started out pleasant either.
“Don’t dwell on it,” Naeve said. “The king seems to understand now that you did not leave because you wanted to. In time, Elanor will, too. But she’s a woman.” She leaned in with a whisper. “We take a bit more convincing. That, and I do think she loves him too much to...”
She quickly pressed two fingers over her lips like she said something she didn’t want to, but I couldn’t unhear it.
“Yes?” I asked. “You can tell me. I don’t have another soul to spill secrets to if you haven’t noticed.”
“It’s just that she is closest to him out of all his subjects. She and him only got closer when you disappeared. She tried to fill the emptiness you left. But, between you and me, I don’t think anyone can do that.”
I was growing increasingly uncomfortable when Naeve referred to a past I didn’t know as mine. But discomfort was part of living, I supposed. If I wanted to live, I would need to face the unknown with more steel in my spine than I ever had before.
Rune was one of those unknown things. There was an ache in my chest that grew more prominent the longer I was around him. Lifting a hand, I stroked the ring and tooth hanging around my neck, reminding myself that he’d slayed one of my many demons. That wasn’t something that just anyone would do for another. That meant something.
But then I reminded myself there was a past that only one of us remembered and it turned the ache into an uncomfortable sting. Never before had the empty voids in my soul stung like fresh wounds. They’d always just been there, hollow and numb. Now they were injuries with torn stitches and they seemed to be bleeding.
“What are you thinking?” Naeve asked. “You’ve got a look about you.”
I threw her a glance and tried to school my features. “Nothing,” I lied.
“Come now. You may be good at hiding your emotions, but you have a tell.”
“Do I?”
“Yes. It’s subtle. Your eyes glaze over like you’ve run off somewhere and left your body behind.”
I blinked at the imagery because it felt entirely too accurate. I often retreated into thoughts and forgot myself. I’d just never heard anyone put it the way she did.
“So? What are you thinking?”
“I just…” I paused, trying to stay present and honest. “I worry the king’s affections toward me are based on the woman I was before. The woman I can’t remember.”
