Page 80 of The Devil In Blue
Fight.
Give up.
After scanning me with angry, revolted eyes, the nurse and attendant left me there. The door swung closed and darkness devoured me. It had been waiting. It knew I’d return and it had been waiting.
I drowned in my anguish and helplessness on the padded floor, sucking in as deep a breath as I could manage against the tight constraints of the straitjacket, and let out a scream so loud, my body shook at the force.
Present
. . .
I screamed my way out of sleep with visions of Southminster behind my eyelids. Visions that looked much different now after Father Eli’s confessions. My face was drenched in tears. My body was sticky with sweat. The room was spinning when I came to and the darkness gripped me like claws sinking into fresh meat.
Where was I?
Frantic, I scrambled to find something familiar and felt arms around me. I screamed again, thrashing against a strong grip.
Not again. I was being good.
“Let me go!” I bellowed, kicking and scratching at whatever I could find. “Please!”
My voice broke and my throat was immediately torn to pieces. But I wouldn’t be bound again. I couldn’t. I threw an elbow at the first chance I got and it collided with someone’s jaw. I dug the fingers of my other hand into pliant flesh and dragged them sideways, feeling skin gather beneath my nails.
“Please,” I begged, unable to raise my voice any louder.
The strong arms pushed me down onto a soft surface and pinned me. I couldn’t break free no matter how I struggled. A muffled voice spoke, but over my heavy breathing and shouting, I couldn’t understand. Not right away.
“It’s me!” I finally made out. “Briar, look at me!”
I opened my eyes, hoping to see something—anything—besides padded walls. Without thinking, I swung my hand and slapped someone across the face. Then I saw… Rune.
Blue eyes stared down at me, blazing in the darkness. His scent woke me from my crazed hallucinations and I sighed a breath of relief. Once it fully registered that I was not bound and was not going to be bound, I sobbed, tears flowing from my eyes uncontrollably.
“Rune,” I choked out, emotions flying around inside me and colliding with each other. Shattering. Crashing about in ways I couldn’t even process. I just… wept.
I’d hurt him. I scratched him. Hit him.
Father Eli would have been whipping me with his wooden stick. On my knuckles, most likely, where it would hurt the most.
“P—Please,” I begged. “Don’t. I can’t go back. I…”
I was speaking nonsense. I wasn’t at Southminster. I was at Ferrothorn. I knew that.
But I had hurt Rune…
His brows knitted together and immediately, he released my arms, wrapping me up in his embrace. He sat up, pulling me into his lap and cradling me against his chest. Trembling, I tucked my head under his chin and gripped him as if I would fall into an ocean and get lost otherwise.
“Never,” he hissed, his lips pressing to the top of my head. “Never, little bird. Never again.”
“I—I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to.”
“I don’t care.” His hand swept across my cheek, pushing my hair behind my ear. “I don’t care. I’m here and I’ve got you. I’m here. I’ll never let you go. Never.”
I curled even tighter into his arms, needing his touch. His protection. The comfort of his words. I needed it all to drown out the infection festering in my soul. The one left by all those who had hit, cut, and tortured my memories out of my head.
“Don’t stop,” I hiccupped. “Please, keep talking. Please. I need to hear you.”
“Always. I’ll do whatever you need me to. I’ll talk to you.” He kissed my forehead, his hand rubbing up and down my back. “I’ll kiss you. I’ll hold you forever if that’s what you ask.” He paused a moment, taking a couple of deep breaths. His heart sang against my ear and I relished it, letting the rhythm sing my madness back behind its thick walls. “I’m sorry,” he finally said. “I will never regret anything more than not being there. I thought you the villain as they were hurting you. Torturing you. The gods and heavens alike know that you should never forgive me. I should have protected you.”
